Not looking for sypathy but need help desperately.

youngandreckless

Hi Matty11,

I think that you've shown great courage in admitting to yourself that you need to sort your debt - sometimes I think admitting it to yourself is the hardest part. I can't imagine how tough things have been for you, but somehow you are trying to turn a corner and that is an achievement you shouldn't undervalue.
I hope you can talk to your parents, aswell as going to citizens advice, as much as they may worry about you now, most parents just want to be there for their kids no matter what and I'm sure this is the case with you.
I hope that things start to turn around for you, you're in the right place for good advice on the debt and hopefully the support will help a little bit.
Do keep posting
Y&R x

nabowla

How would you feel about getting a second job? It would give you more money to throw at the debt and would reduce the free time that you might otherwise be tempted to fill by gambling.

As for telling your parents about the debts, there are ways and ways of putting things. One 'positive' spin might be to tell your Mum that you overspent during the first six months after the accident because you couldn't cope but that you now want to tackle the debts head-on. If you present it as a real effort to rebuild your life then yes, your Mum might be a bit worried about the debts (you don't need to give her full details or mention the gambling), but she's also going to be immensly proud that you feel ready to start taking positive steps again.

sweet_chicken

im so sorry to hear about whats happened to u!!

however u've come to the right place as theres many people here with plenty good advise to give!

good luck!!

brightonbeach

MATTY11 wrote:

My parents do not know about my gambling. I am ashamed to tell them. I am determined to beat it without causing them further worry. My mum has been amazing since Chloe's death but it has broken her seeing me so low really do not want to cause her any more grief.

Don't be ashamed Matty... your Mum loves you unconditionally, and I imagine will want to take your pain away for you. As a Mum myself I'd be sad to think that one of my children was struggling as you are with a gambling problem. I know you want to protect her, but I bet she wants to protect you more.
Good luck with all the advice from everyone here xx

MATTY11

skanger wrote:

Matty

At the risk of getting brerated, I would like to offer the following.

I cannot claim to understand the loss you must be feeling, I can however relate to your Gambling addiction, having been there myself. (Not that you ever recover)

I would suggest that you give serious consideration to bankruptcy, you have no assets, and a pile of debt. This would give you the clean slate and clean start you need to move on. I don't think anyone would criticise you for it.

Skanger

Jeez bankruptcy that is scary. What happens there I don't know if I could handle that do you have to go to court? my life has been shattered and disrupted enough if I was bankrupt that would make me feel like I would have no future. Would I ever be able to own a house or would that be me finished?

JennyW_2

Hi Matty. I've only just caught up with this thread and am so sorry to hear of your loss and your debts. As the others have said though, you've come to the right place. I too am still receiving grief counselling for the death of my father 18 months ago and I can only sympthathise knowing that during grief things are always 10 times worse. I hope that when the pain of your loss starts to heal, you'll get stronger.

Talk to your parents - just be honest. I should imagine it would hurt them to know how much pain and stress you are trying to handle yourself - share it with them and be honest - I bet you'll feel a huge weight will be lifted if you do. Good luck x

MATTY11

JennyW wrote:

Hi Matty. I've only just caught up with this thread and am so sorry to hear of your loss and your debts. As the others have said though, you've come to the right place. I too am still receiving grief counselling for the death of my father 18 months ago and I can only sympthathise knowing that during grief things are always 10 times worse. I hope that when the pain of your loss starts to heal, you'll get stronger.

Talk to your parents - just be honest. I should imagine it would hurt them to know how much pain and stress you are trying to handle yourself - share it with them and be honest - I bet you'll feel a huge weight will be lifted if you do. Good luck x

There isn't a day or even an hour that goes by without me thinking of how beautiful she was and how happy I was. I feel she would be apalled that I got myself into this situation hiding from reality. Chloe is my motivation to stop gambling so it will happen. I can deal with the gambling with G/A's help I just don't want my parents to know as I feel they too maybe ashamed or will struggle to help me with this permanent lump in my throat. I need them how they are now they don't need anymore bombshells planted on them.

gilly41

Hi Matty
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss- I cant begin to imagine the pain you must feel. My friend lost his son nearly a year ago in a dreadful accident(he was only 15) and I know what a terrible year it has been for him!
As a mum to 2 kids aged 20 and 22 I would say that if it was my son I would want to help him with his debt. I would be suprised if your mum doesnt already know that there is a problem but is waiting for you to tell her. I can read my son like a book and I usually know when things are bothering him!
Please take care

---

sorry I cant be anymore help
xxx

Deb73

Hi Matty,

What a terrible time you've had.

I would suggest that the bankruptcy should be an absolute last resort. Although it seems like a good idea it can have implications that limit options in your future.

I'm sure citizen's advice is your best option. Also, write to your creditors explaing your situation and try and come to an agreement with them, even if its frozen interest for a period. (CAB will probably help with this)

If you work out where you can cut back then give them details of how much you can afford to pay each month most of them will help out. After all, it is better for them to get something than nothing at all if you were to declare bankruptcy.

Do a detailed budget of income/expenditure. Martin has one on the site.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll do well now you've faced your situation head on. :A

Deb

cpjackso

Matty - here are my thoughts on your finances;

Debts (in order of APR)
Barclaycard 17.6% -£4,900 - £98/month (guessed 2%)
Northern Rock 10yr - 10.9% - balance unknown - £120/month
Northern Rock 10yr - 8.9% - balance unknown - £120/month
HSBC 4yr - 6.9% - £18,000 - £400/month
Amex 5.9% (lifetime) - £3,000 - £60/month (guessed 2%)
Amazon 0% (2 months left) - £3,000 - £60/month (guessed 2%)

Outgoings:
Rent £150/month
Mobile £30/month
Petrol £120/month
Pub/clubbing £80/month
Lunch £20/month
Clothes £35/month (£400/year).
Car Tax £12.5/month
Car MOT/Service £17

Total Incoming: £1204.
Total Outgoing: £1322

Difference: £118 overspend/month.

Missing = car insurance

First thoughts;
* Is there any way to transfer any of the barclaycard balance to your Amex (life of balance)? (You'll need to ring amex and ask). Will save on interest - but not outgoings.
* The amazon card is going to start costing you in a few months - see if you can move balance to amex card before it gets expensive.
* If amex say no - you may find it difficult to get a new 0% credit card to xfer the balances to. Try easy cards - eg. mbna, cap 1. ** You would need to be strict on yourself not to borrow any more money tho!! **
* You'll need to stop spending on clothing - as others have pointed out. (=£35 saving)
* I'd suggest you investigate other methods of transport - as your car is costing you at least £150/month. Or possibly move to a cheaper car?
* Reading the telephone/mobiles thread on here should help you to get a cheaper/better contract - £30 is way too expensive. Whats best depends on usage - PAYG if you are a very light user, three(3G) contract if you make a lot of calls. Should be able to reduce to max £10/month (=£20 saving).
* Try to cut out having lunch out - take sandwiches. (=£20 saving).
* You don't have to stop going out - but it would help your finances if you could stay in here and there (ask your mates around instead - or go to theirs?). Reduce going out cost by being "designated driver" - ask mates for petrol money (and save on beer costs as well!!).
* You should look into ebaying items... Old mobiles and things you don't use. Any old books (college/uni?) put on amazon.
* Use quidco for any internet transactions you make/accounts you sign up to (eg. mobiles etc).
* Is there any possibility for overtime or more hours? Or maybe you could take on an extra PT job (nights/weekend). Even if it's just for 6 months or a year it would help to get rid of some of the smaller credit card debts.
* If you pay private pension contributions on your wage - it might be an idea to stop these for a few years.

I agree with others on here - I think you should tell your parents the situation and ask them if they can reduce (or preferably stop) your rent for a while? I'm sure they'll understand - make them understand that you've realised the position you are in and that you are working on sorting it out. Ask them to store your credit cards for you in a safe place.

To sum up: Cut down outgoings as much as you can and/or try to increase your incomings. I realise this sounds simplistic but if you follow just some of the above you should be going in the right direction.

Once your outgoings are below (or at) your incomings - it's a case of organising your debts so that you pay off the highest APR's first. Use the snowball calculator to find a good plan to pay off ASAP.