Bit of a ramble.. sorry

leiela

When i first started working after Uni i walked straight into a job earning more than my husband. We'd spend years struggling, slowly getting into debt to get my my education so when i got my first job we sat down we worked out the bills and despite his honest suprise i decided the fairest way to sort out the money would be for us to work out what needing to be set aside for bills etc and split it proportionally, Till then i admit he paid for a majority of the bills as i was a student so i figured we BOTH worked to get me though uni, we where a team we should both benifit from my higher wages.

So there we where me paying about 70%, him paying 30% and us BOTH having almost identical amounts of money leftover at the end of the month for ourselves.

As the last couple of years have gone by he's remained in the same job earning the same money, while as a new graduate i've bounced about abit and on each jump i'd get a payrise, and each time i'd put that "extra" towards paying off debts so we where still left with the same amount of spending money at the end of the month.

In january we sat down and discussed how we where going to "up our efforts" on the debt re-payment front, and we both agreed to forfit 90% of our spending money to help with this.

Tick tock the next few months go fine, im proud of what we've managed to re-pay and everything is fine.

2 months ago my husbands job decided they where doing away with a profit share element of the package which gave a yearly lump sum (which we usually use for car insurance) replacing it with a 10% payrise every month.

Ok fine, so i've been slowely saving what little spending money i have putting it into a savings accound each month so we can cover the car insurance when it's due (or at least my portion) which has on average left me with about £4.50p to my name at the end of each month since jan.

While my husband has totally neglected to even think about the car insurance, expecting to just dump his half on the credit cards when it's due which isn't very in line with our current plan.:mad: I've told him im saving my half, i've told him it leaves me with £4.50 by the end of pay day and it doens't seem to phase him one little bit.

Also he's kept the full 10% payrise for himself adding none of it to the "household pot" even though i always make sure he knows every time i've got a payrise that i have added 100% of mine to the "household funds" because i hate for him to think keeping it for myself.

The last couple of months i've watched him buying this and that ... spending spending spending, ok i realise it's not "that bad" sadly 10% isn't that much of a payrise for him, but still it means that at the end of the month he's got "that" plus the money he's not saving towards the car insurance like i am meaning he's getting about £200 to spend on himself every month while i've got £4.50p.

Tonight he's announced he's going out with the lads, i've spent the last hour crying because im mad/hurt you name it... he bought DVD's last week, the kids comics etc etc ... and i don't even have enough money spare to buy myself a box of hair dye. Now he's just asked for a lift into town which is a 1hour round trip for me ... i could just say no, but he WON'T get the bus so if i don't take him he'll get a taxi back and forth costing £30 before he's bought drinks or food :mad::mad: so i said yes because im worried about the money ...

Im totally frazzled.

Finally i had my pay review last week and work have given me a REALLY good payrise, but right now im seriously debating keeping the whole damn lot for myself!!! but thats really not going to help our financial situation any ... gah.

Am i being irrational?

xmaslolly76

Personally if he is not being fair when it comes to his pay rise money i would sit him down and tell him that you want half towards all the household bills and any joint debts he will soon see how much better off he is if he plays fair with you :-) Hope you get it all sorted soon x

Princess_Sparkles

Absolutely. He seems to be doing a good job of taking your good nature &
your planning for what amounts to a debt free future for you both for granted. My view would be to have that talk with him, but plan at the outset to keep at least some of your payrise for you for a change. I'm sure you'll get more over the next couple of years that you can share with him again. After all, 4.50 a month isn't much really is it? How about you keep as much of your pay rise that once again balances with his income - i.e £200 a month to spend. I sincerely hope you don't have a partner that gets all chauvanistic on you - he's the man so should have more money & all that..?
Good luck with it. But DO speak to him.

emlou2009

think of from a selfish point of view - you earn more money so why should he be the one with all the spare cash?

if you want to continue the way you did before he squandered his payrise, why dont you use your payrise as an opportunity to review the household funds and spends with him so that you are both equal again? but it sounds like you could do with a bit more spends if you have less than a fiver left over for yourself so maybe you could work it out that you both have equal spends but a bit more than you had before IYSWIM?

if he puts the car insurance on credit cards, make sure its in his name only and that he pays off that credit card out of his own spends - you saved for yours so why should your spends be less cos he couldnt be bothered!

nzmegs

I have to say that i find it hard to understand partnerships/marriages where money is split in this way. My hubbie and I have, from the time we started living together, put all our money into one account and paid for everything together. I only work part time and so my porportion of the income is lower but i make up for it by doing housework and childcare.
All I am saying is that you both work 40 hours a week and make similar effort, you just get paid differently. So sharing the money isn't a reflection of your individual efforts, it is a reflection of what you can achieve as a unit. ie 80 hours of work a week. Once the money is in the shared account you can each have a certain amount each week as spending money.
My husband and I have a deal that if either of us is going to spend more than £20 on something personal (a book or dvd or similar) then we must ask "permission" first. In reality permission is always granted provided we have enough money but it makes us both feel that we aren't taking our money for granted or walking over each others feelings.
I hope this helps. Just try not to think of it as his and yours, try to think of the money as ours.

mrcow

I think you need to lighten up.

Life isn't all about scraping out of debt as quickly as possible - you have to live too. To begrudge a few DVDs and some comics for the kids when you are both working hard is really OTT.

I know how you get like this - it's spending too much time on here - it turns you into a skinflint. I've been there myself. You have to take a step back from yourself and realise that you're being unreasonable. It is hard. You could be dead this time next year.......do you really want to live in such tight, miserable financial circumstances. As a family, there is more to life than scrimping every single penny.

You need to drop the level of debt repayments so that you have enough money left over to be able to treat yourself and your family once in a while. Paying off debt is important, but enjoying your family is more so. You both need to be agreeing about the basics on your debt payments.....that involves a change of attitude.

And for crying out loud - get some hair dye woman!

leiela

I totally understand thats why money is split this way, as you say we both work 40 hours just because i get paid more doens't mean im any less or more deserving.

the reason we both have "pocket" money which is supposed to be the smae amount for both of us, is simply because we do and always have had very different view's on how we like to spend our money, i'd HATE to have to ask permission to buy a dress or a handbag?

i tend to save for more expensive items while he is someone who will spend all the time, every day almost. £4 here £5 there .. with a £20 per item limit you'd still find he'd easily spend £100 on £5 DVD's in a month without even thinking and i'd hate for him to have ask permission from me for every purchase. This way he can spend what he likes but when his pocket moneys gone as it where then thats it, it's gone ...

while i might not spend more than about £5-£10 a month for ages and then treat myself for something big for £400, my last gift to myself was my car which cost £2000 but i saved the money and bought it out of my allowance so i didn't need to ask permission.

atm we have 1 account with our bill money in, and i can trust him not to touch it because he know's it's not for "spending" on himself but if ALL our money was in a joint account and he was allowed to buy things for himself out of it he'd spend the bill money without even realising it. I can't even let him food shop because he blow's the budget in 2 seconds flat and comes home with nothing edible... he's not a bad husband but he is rubbish at budgetting, this way at least i SEE some of the money hehe, he just wouldn't realise and keep spending till the account hit £0 and it wouldn't even enter his head that i hadn't bought anything.

pinkshoes

Financial compatibility in a marriage is under-rated, and is actually VERY important - something overlooked by many couples.

You need to tell him how you feel, and tell him that you're going to be keeping some more of your money to yourself, as you work hard and deserve to be able to treat yourself every now and then.

Why won't he get the bus into town??? How pathetic!

Seriously, sit down and discuss this with him, as you need to sort it out. If you're renting, could you not move somewhere cheaper?

leiela

pinkshoes wrote: »

Financial compatibility in a marriage is under-rated, and is actually VERY important - something overlooked by many couples.

You need to tell him how you feel, and tell him that you're going to be keeping some more of your money to yourself, as you work hard and deserve to be able to treat yourself every now and then.

Why won't he get the bus into town??? How pathetic!

Seriously, sit down and discuss this with him, as you need to sort it out. If you're renting, could you not move somewhere cheaper?

He's never got a bus in his life, i don't think he'd know how to get one even if he needed to, same with the train they are like alien machines to him... i blame his parents.

pinkshoes

leiela wrote: »

He's never got a bus in his life, i don't think he'd know how to get one even if he needed to, same with the train they are like alien machines to him... i blame his parents.

:rotfl: I think it's about time he learnt!! Download a timetable for him!

I really think you need to put your foot down over this money issue, otherwise you might end up resenting him. He either needs to start cutting his spending, or get a higher paid job!

angelicmary85

Hiya,

I understand where you're coming from and I found it to be a difficult sitiation to sort out.

I hope you get it resolved soon!