Newbie saying HUGE thanks

MrsTinks

I know what you mean Maisiemac - and I think in all fairness you're not setting out to defraud the government so don't beat yourself up Your OH moving out won't solve anything at this stage so tell him to sit his butt down and stay put
I think the pair of you need to contact CAB, get legal advice and contact the benefits office. They may not change your benefits (sorry but I don't know much about this as I have never had benefits... but I am sure others can help you better than I and maybe CAB can even offer some help )
I think we all get low days - me included! Today being a jolly good example Have been SUCH a good girl this month and then it all went wrong Un-expected bills: Car tax + possible breaks (at least the MOT isn't due which I was afraid it might be!)(£90 + I guess about £50), breaks on OH car (£77), heating oil has gone up so instead of paying £220 it's going to be £300, flights to see family for stepfathers retirement party (£90) and the list goes on... it's just all landed all at once which is bloody typical

Tomorrow when I get up things will look a little brighter because I know that these are just things that invariably crop up and I just have to tighten the belt a little more

Anyway enough about me... I do waffle on... you can't start addressing the debts until you know exactly what you are up against so phoning the lenders and finding out the exact state of affairs needs to be the first step Don't worry if it seems huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge, some peoplehave debts over £100k some only a few thousand, t each of us our own debt is always the biggest scariest thing but once you know what;s going on it all gets easier from there on

Hang tough!!!

T

CLAPTON

a. presumably the issues around the ex wife using his cards is no longer continuing and so no additional debts are building up.

b. its really important that he gets his mail regularly...it the breakup was amicable (as you said) then it should be possible to ensure all his mail goes to his mothers

c. i think its also very important that while giving him help and support, that you keep your own finances strictly separate from his and dont incur any debt on his behalf.

d. when he/you visit the CAB it will be useful to have a full list of income and expenses and all the debts.

without know the full extend of the debts and current income and expenses its not possible to be much more specific.

sanfrancisco

CLAPTON wrote:

a. presumably the issues around the ex wife using his cards is no longer continuing and so no additional debts are building up.

b. its really important that he gets his mail regularly...it the breakup was amicable (as you said) then it should be possible to ensure all his mail goes to his mothers

c. i think its also very important that while giving him help and support, that you keep your own finances strictly separate from his and dont incur any debt on his behalf.

d. when he/you visit the CAB it will be useful to have a full list of income and expenses and all the debts.

without know the full extend of the debts and current income and expenses its not possible to be much more specific.

Good advice.

I would also say, why don't you ring CCCS or Payplan? Even if you just ring and ask advise. They are very helpful.

shellsuit

If I were in your shoes I would...

Stop claiming IS (plus housing ben and CT, just ring them to stop the claims - this is what I did when my partner moved in with me)

Claim tax credits as a couple (as he is working)

See how much income you have then (with his wages, tax credits and child benefit)

Look into getting a part time job yourself to suit your circumstances if you can.

When you have sorted all the above out and your priority bills, look at partners debts.

If he cannot meet the repayments, then contact CCCS or Paypal as suggested, it will take a lot of worry from your minds!

The worst thing you can do is carry on as you are. If OH gets caught living at your house and you haven't declared this, then you both could be in more of a financial mess than you are already in.

The worst thing to do is bury your head in the sand with fingers crossed.

Good Luck!

maisiemac_2

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all your comments, I've just logged on again to give you a little update.

Managed to get OH to open 3 demanding letters and phone the companies to offer some payments. He say's they were actually really nice and 2 of them have frozen the interest and are happy to get the money. In the past he always met payments, and they did wonder what had happened to make him default. So big weight off his shoulders at having tackled that side of things at last.

I don't have any other income going into my bank other than my IS and CB. It's in my name only. I don't have any debts of my own, and OH knows his debts are nothing to do with me. We have seperate bank accounts and think we'll be keeping it that way until everything is cleared and we can start again.

I agree that coming off benefit is the way to go and I can get a p/t job to help us out. We'll have to sort out the family tax credit thing though, I don't have a clue about it.

I guess I was just scared....It's not a great way to start a new life together with so much debt from his previous relationship, but they say love conquers all:rotfl: although you can imagine the strain it's put on us. Every time we have an argument (both of us stressed) I think, if he leaves, then I'm back to square one and I'll have nothing to fall back on.

Sorry for going on, I've read loads of other threads today and mine seems small fry in comparison....but thank you for taking the time out to post a reply to mine and giving me pointers on what to do for the best.

MrsTinks

Well love can conquer most things My OH has a lto more debt than I do (i'm still getting to the bottom if his grrrrrr) but I think once you have faced up to things so you knwo what it is that you have to deal with then things are a lot easier As far as I can tell then what worries people and causes stress is actually the NOT knowing
Obviously in your OHs case it's helped that he has always been an exemplary customer in the past and that is coming into it's own with some of the creditors now I'm a firm believer in honesty being the best course of action for getting results and hopefully you'll find the same

Hang tough and I'm sure you'll both coem through it After all they do say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger