Newbie saying HUGE thanks

maisiemac_2

Hello to all you incredible peeps,

Sorry for lurking and reading huge amounts of advise before actually posting. But here I am.....and I'm hoping to get some valuable pointers as I really don't know where else to start.

Here Goes:

I am a single mum with 3 kids, 15,13 & 11...I've been on IS for about 5 years now and get HB & CT paid. I have worked part time hours over the years to get a little extra, but at the moment not working at all. I have no debts in my name, no credit cards, and have managed to build up my home over the years, by being savvy with second hand stuff and basically always looking for bargains.

Right.....this is my(our) dilemma.

I have been with the love of my life for 6 months now and we plan to be together forever. When we first got together, he moved away from his home town (pending divorce) to come and live with me. At that time he gave up work also (he was self employed and earning great money) He had damaged his hands really badly while using a chemical at work and could hardly bend his fingers, they looked like they had been sprayed with acid!! He moved in with me and we managed with no money coming in, only my IS. Got him registered with my local doctor and managed to get his hands healed over the following months.

So he was out of work for 3 months and not claiming any benefits....but at the same time his savings had to be used to pay all his D/Ds etc every month. Unfortunately, he has only recently told me that his credit cards (thinks there's 4) have not been paid. Now I know the implications there...and I'm worried sick about it.

His divorce came through in Jan and it was amicable, no fighting in court etc or disputes over the children. All well and good, but most of the debts he has now were home improvements and everything else he left in the family home. His ex used his cards to spend as they had same initials and she also spent thousands on mail order items....all in his name. Yep, I know it's mental, but he says he went along with it all for 'an easy life' and at the time he as able to make all the payments. On probing a little bit further though, it became clear to me that she thought the pot was never ending. He is now in a right mess financially.

He is working now, long hours and for £7ph......I haven't told DSS that he's living with me yet, as his wages are paying off his D/Ds and overdraft. There is approx £100 that could be used to pay off the other cards. This would leave nothing for me and my kids...which is why I'm still on IS and managing so far. Thing is though.....debt collection people are chasing him now as he left no forwarding address, all mail being sent to his ex marital home, his ex wife is either binning it, or sometimes sending it to his mums address, she then passes them on to him at my address. So I know of one chasing him to contact them urgently. Three more letters have arrived addressed to him at my address and he refuses to open them. His mobile phone has an 0800 number that rings him every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. He never answers, saying that if its a number he doesn't recognise then he won't answer it.

Help please, I'm losing sleep worrying about what might happen. I will support him all the way and willing to follow all the good advise as to what I should do regarding my own situation, but having been homeless with 3 kids after my own nasty divorce. I am scared. I love this man to bits and he loves me and my kids too. I just need to get him to address this debt issue, he owes thousands, but I know he needs to let them all know why he hasn't paid any money and to let them know he is willing to start paying again, even if it's only a token payment to each of them.

Sorry this is long winded, there's more to tell but if I get some feedback I'll go into more detail then. I'm hoping to get him to post on here soon with all his debts listed, cos I know how helpful this forum is and you've all been there too.

Many thanks for reading, I never thought I'd be on here myself, but I just happen to have fallen in love with a man who has debts and needs help.



I

skintchick

I'd be careful about not telling the DSS he lives with you - they have ways of finding out, especially when he's being chased.

i have nothing constructive to offer I'm afraid, but he MUST start sorting these debts out.

(((hugs)))

Broken_hearted

Please be careful, commiting benefit fraud is a crime and you might end up far worse than you are now.

maisiemac_2

I do plan to go see them and lay cards on the table, I worry about all sorts and know that it needs addressing.....it just all seems to big to handle at the moment and I can't get my head round it. Will be talking it over tonight with OH and hopefully be back on here with an update on what we're going to do.

Thanks for replying

amazon_spice

Broken_hearted wrote:

Please be careful, commiting benefit fraud is a crime and you might end up far worse than you are now.

True.


Good Luck.

MrsTinks

Well I would have thought that if his ex is keeping or binning his letters then she is committing theft as it is interfering with mail... Now I appreciate that until now she's been nice in courts and so on but I think we need to know exactly where everything stands, what assets he has (is the house partially in his name etc) and how far are you both willing to go to sort this out? Others might disagree with this and you might too as you will have to live with this BUT consider reporting her for fraud or theft as she used cards that were not hers without consent. Be aware that things CAN get very nasty I guess if you do this... all the co-operation she has given so far regarding the kids will almost certainly stop... but by the sounds of the fact that she has been with holding your partners mail then I think maybe it has already reached this stage?

Don't forget any property bought on HIS cards are HIS and not HERS So depending on what the settlement in court says then you could go and re-claim anything in the house that technically belongs to him and either return it or sell it to help cover the card balances.

Of course you could also try the path of speakig to her first... Ask her to help contribute towards the payments, especially if the house is still in his name... If the house is in his name then he COULD take out a secured loan against the property and that would then mean HER home is at risk...

You say there is more information... Might be worth letting us know what that is before you decide on what to do and before anyone gives you a definte suggestion of what actions to take?

T

maisiemac_2

Thanks for your comments Tine,

I hear what you're saying, but he doesn't want to go down that path with his ex.
He feels guilty enough about not being able to see his kids regularly as it is, and hopefully we'll be able to see more of them when we can afford the petrol costs etc.

He didn't own his house its council which she has kept on and as far as I know she's on IS and is very savvy when it comes to claiming. No point in him trying to recover outstanding debt on a fitted kitchen £4k and gawd knows what else. He does have a load of tools in 'her' shed though, which he does hope to recover as he used them when self employed. He hasn't passed on my address to her although she knows we're together, hence she cant forward his mail on.

They were seperated for about 18months prior to the divorce, during that time he was still paying some of her household bills ie, house insurance, phone, electric etc !!!! Cos he was thinking of the kids.

He just upped and left his hometown, leaving everything behind, only bringing his car and a few possessions. He's never claimed benefits in his life and should have when he first came to live with me, but we waited till his hands healed and just lived on what I had coming in. He is a grafter and I know he could earn more if he went self employed again, but I need to get this all above board and his debts organised. I can get part time work and come off IS. At this point in time I don't actually know the full extent of the debts, I just know we need to take action.

I appreciate all the varying comments and advise, and will use them to help get us out of this predicament.

Broken_hearted

I know it's hard but I'm worried about you. Go to the CAB and get advise, they should be able to lower your payments and get you back on track as a family. Hugs.

MrsTinks

Well at least it simplifies what actions are open to us

I don't blame him for thinking of the kids at all to be honest, I think I would too if it was me As for his mail then I think the best thign to do is either do a mail redirect with royal mail (they should send a letter to the address he lived at to check BUT the last 2 times I have moved Royal mail never sent that so is it worth the risk of her getting your address?
Other than this then sit down next to the phone and start calling everyone he has accoutns or cards with and explain what has happened... honesty is more likely to get you sympathy and help from the lenders I think...

Deal with the benefits update as soon as possible for your own sake! But make sure you explain to them what has happened etc If you can then bring doctors certificates and statements about his hands sothey can see you're not making this up.

I think before anything else he needs to speak to his ex and ask her to pass all his mail to his mum and if she gets difficult then explain that unless she helps you deal with this debt by passing on the mail then any debts would remain marked against HER house... affecting HER credit rating... That should get her co-operating with any luck

maisiemac_2

Sending ((((Hugs)))) back to you guys. I'm sitting here crying and feeling sick, but I'm strong and know it's just getting to me today, well we all have our low days, don't we. I know how helpless it makes us all feel when it all seems too much to bear. Just reading the different stories on here from real people helps. Wish I had a magic wand for all of us.

I will make an appointment with CAB after talk with OH tonight.

maisiemac_2

Thanks Tine,

I'm just so scared I've never been in this situation before and no way do I want to be lumped in with benefit cheats. Guess I was thinking that because I'm not getting any more money coming in, then I wasn't gaining. I'm gonna have to get help on this one, OH has offered to move out, but has nowhere to go and also he would have to pay rent again, and on the wages he gets at the moment, that would mean even less available to pay back on his debts....it's a vicious circle, but I want to break it and start again.