Can I stop banks giving my wife credit?

Parki_2

Flickering_Ember wrote: »

I have to agree with this. She needs help; if in her line of work she can't see this *the above*, then there is something really wrong. I'm not a mother (yet!) but I know I'd put my kids first no matter what, and wouldn't accrue silly debts.

I also feel that marriage is based on trust, respect and understanding, both given and received MUTUALLY and she is betraying your trust, showing you no respect and not trying to understand how anyone else feels but her as well as testing your understanding.

You two need to have a long talk, with no distractions; send the kids to their grandparents' for the night, unplug the phone and TV and sit there and give it one last shot.

If she lies and/or evades you, then you'd be well within your rights to walk away. This is coming from a 23 year old unmarried female with a 45 year old head on her shoulders.

You seem a really decent person and I hope things work out for you; thanks for showing me there are some nice men still out there.

You looking for a husband then ;p

littlemissbossy

My husband was in debt before we met and was too ashamed to tell me about it. We were saving up to get married/buy house etc and eventually he had to tell me. I decided he was "the one" so we spent all our savings paying the debts and also for the next 2 years.

After a few years he did it again, after a lot of heartache I decided to help him sort it out again. Everyone thought I was barking mad but I'm glad I did. He hasn't done it again but that little doubt in the back of your mind never goes away.

Theres lots of help to get out of debt but not much to stop you getting into it (if you're that way inclined). I have never been in debt and its very hard to understand how people get into that mess when they have a choice ie not lost their job/split up etc.

I hope you can come to a decision about what to do - its definately a tough one.

Jokaty82

vet8 wrote: »

I appreciate you feel betrayed, but is this really a reason to end your marriage? Think of the effect on the children, children from broken homes fair far worse at school and in the future. Surely you owe it to them to make a real effort.

Your wife needs to speak to someone, there are plenty of debt consellors out there. The debt free wannabe board could help out there.

I am not sure I completely agree with the statement 'children from broken homes fair worse at school and in the future'. Really???? I am not from a broken home, but have loads of friends that are and in the long run its done them no harm.

While I think its best for parents to always be together, if this is making the OP unhappy, then he cant stay just for the kids.

You say she can speak to debt councillors - but you are missing the point, she doesnt think she has a problem and doesnt see what his problem is, so why would she go to a councillor?!?

vet8

Of course not all children from broken homes turn out "bad", but lots of studies have shown that children from broken homes have major disadvantages in all walks of life from school, to employment, their own marriages etc etc. It does not apply to them all, but to a lot of them apparently. Even if it does not have this affect, does the OP want to leave his children, a lot of divorced fathers lose contact with their children over the years.

I just think that talking of divorce or walking away from his wife is an overreaction to this problem. We do not know how bad things are, but the OP is talking about taking a huge step with very serious implications, he needs to think seriously. There must be some other step he can take first of all.

ThinkingOfLinking

Nice...guilt-trip the OP into staying in an unhappy home which will, let me tell you, impact far more on the kids than if he leaves, IF this is indeed the decision he reaches. This thread isn't here to judge or to begin commenting on parenting skills.

scott_lithgows

Cant help of thinking of Ebeneezer Scrooge being taken by the ghost of Christmas past to see his engagement being finished by his love of money.
Just dont bail her out this time spend all your cash on yourself,apply for 8 credit cards a month so that when she asks you to balance transfer for her,you show her the rejection letter and shrug your shoulders.
My wife,s a clown with money as well,she says that money is for spending,sadly its the banks cash to me.Everyone else has a credit limit,she has a credit target,but she works, its her money to waste.I do my bit by paying all the bills and asking her for a huge cheque for half of everything(and the LOB cards I opened for her before I learned better) on her payday.
At the end of the day she might lose us her beloved house,leaving her would cost me time with my kid and a fortune in maintenance.

maza68

Perhaps it would be good for you to contact a credit reference agency such as Experian (they have a free 30 day trial at the moment) and see which debts are actually yours too, especially as she is hiding things from you - that is to start with. £7000 is not that much of a debt, but considering your property is now worth less, iand f she would be unable to pay off her debts then you might, in the worst case scenario loose your home too.