Should I send daughter to school in Sept or Jan?

Minerva69

Thanks for the helpful replies everyone. I spoke to one of the reception teachers on the phone earlier and I wish I hadn't bothered, I finished the phonecall feeling even more confused and demoralised. Before I even told her about any of my daughter's issues, she just started spouting the school policy that children must start in September and they don't have any other intakes during the year. Obviously nobody's told her the government policy in England is that children don't have to start school until the term after they're 5 then :rolleyes:

It's a poor school in an area full of poor schools, I wish we didn't have to send her there but it's the best of a bad bunch. It's also a large school (over 400 on the roll). The teacher obviously cared more about what was easier for the school, rather than what was best for my daughter. I got a very bad impression of the school when I went to their open day and their Ofsted report was below average but the school governor told me they weren't making any efforts to improve "because it's the same all over the country".

The primary teacher told me today that everyone else from my daughter's nursery is starting in September. This isn't true, I spoke to the headteacher of our nursery last week and she said there are a small group of parents keeping their children back (4 parents are keeping their children back a whole year).

I guess we'll have to send her in September, I'm just worried that if she's still wetting herself she's going to get picked on. We already use a reward chart but it isn't working. She is really happy at nursery but she never tells the staff there she has wet herself, she would stay in her wet clothes all day if they didn't notice she'd had an accident. I can't see her telling staff in a new school either. We're going to visit the school next week with my daughter, it's only for an hour so I don't suppose we'll get chance to ask many questions but I'll give it a go.

galvanizersbaby

Minerva69 wrote: »

Thanks for the helpful replies everyone. I spoke to one of the reception teachers on the phone earlier and I wish I hadn't bothered, I finished the phonecall feeling even more confused and demoralised. Before I even told her about any of my daughter's issues, she just started spouting the school policy that children must start in September and they don't have any other intakes during the year. Obviously nobody's told her the government policy in England is that children don't have to start school until the term after they're 5 then :rolleyes:

It's a poor school in an area full of poor schools, I wish we didn't have to send her there but it's the best of a bad bunch. It's also a large school (over 400 on the roll). The teacher obviously cared more about what was easier for the school, rather than what was best for my daughter. I got a very bad impression of the school when I went to their open day and their Ofsted report was below average but the school governor told me they weren't making any efforts to improve "because it's the same all over the country".

The primary teacher told me today that everyone else from my daughter's nursery is starting in September. This isn't true, I spoke to the headteacher of our nursery last week and she said there are a small group of parents keeping their children back (4 parents are keeping their children back a whole year).

I guess we'll have to send her in September, I'm just worried that if she's still wetting herself she's going to get picked on. We already use a reward chart but it isn't working. She is really happy at nursery but she never tells the staff there she has wet herself, she would stay in her wet clothes all day if they didn't notice she'd had an accident. I can't see her telling staff in a new school either. We're going to visit the school next week with my daughter, it's only for an hour so I don't suppose we'll get chance to ask many questions but I'll give it a go.

Hi
Speak to the class teacher separately re the wetting problem.
You may find it's more common than you think in this age group.
My friends little boy started last Sept (he turns 5 this July so he is one of the youngest in the class) and he has had constant problems with wetting.
My friend took him to a private specialist as apparently there could be a medical underlaying reason with him and now he is on some trial medication which is helping a bit but she still has to go in 2-3 times a week to change his trousers and pants.
Incidentially re the teasing - there is none with my friends son - my daughter is in the same class and has never mentioned it - kids this young don't really seem to pick up on it.
Would urge you to book a separate appt with the teacher and address your concerns - good luck

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

It sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place - the attitude of the school governor is appauling.

I don't suppose you have considered home schooling? It's mor accessible than you think. I say this as I wonder whether you feel comfortable sending your daughter to this school at all, and you are sadly low on choices. There are usually some quite busy homeschooling networks locally, so you don't have to worry about your daughter not having social time.

For what it's worth - my daughter is an only child too; but is very sociable (I don't know where it's come from; she certainly didn't get it from us :rotfl:). I don't think that any social issues she has are part of her being an only child, but maybe tied in to some anxiety, like the toilet problems? Some kids are naturally more anxious than others, it does happen.

We are yet to move so I don't know what will happen with our daughter regarding schools, but although I'd not given it much thought before, I'd now rather home-school than send her to a failing one. I'd be even more inclined to do so in experiencing the problems that you are at the moment.

Failing that, there's no legal requirement to school until the age of 5, and I would be looking to skip the reception year altogether.

Krystaltips

I completely agree about mentioning the wetting to the teacher but don't expect too much from them... I told DD's teachers about her wetting and asked that they remind her to go to the toilet... Not sure how often this was done, or if at all... But she was capable of changing her own pants if she needed to... Could you not try this with your daughter now? My daughter has been responsible for changing her clothes and putting the wet ones in the washing basket for a long time just because it was happening so often, I wanted her to take some of the responsibility on... It meant that she didn't have to worry about telling a teacher when it happened at school because she was competent enough to sort herself out...

Sublime_2

I too think the attitude of the teachers is appalling. Its a load of rubbish about children starting in September, as at my daughters School there were children starting in January. The excuse given for the poor Ofsted report is astounding. A lot of schools that fared poorly are making improvements to get up to standard.

Have you thought about moving out of the area. Not a realistic option, but just a thought. The home schooling suggestion is a good idea, as I would be quite disturbed at sending my daughter there. There's loads of info here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/parents/life/you_and_school/helping_at_home/home_education_how.shtml

bonty44

As a teacher I personally wouldn't be happy having to take responsibility for a child's toileting during the day. My job is to teach. I understand that there are many facets to teaching (empathy, listening, helping children socialise, developing children's interpersonal skills among others) but if I were responsible for even four children's toileting then I wouldn't be able to do my job properly.

So, I'm sorry if people don't 'expect too much' from the teachers, but, first and foremost, we are responsible in KS1 for up to 30 children at a time. There are a huge number of child protection laws and recommendations and these laws are in place to protect all children and there are also recommendations in place to protect staff.

As a mother of two, I would send my children in when the majority of children started school; as there is no staggered intake at the school (and yes, I know it's not compulsory to attend school until the term after a child turns 5) then I would stick to September, because I think children bond very quickly with each other and you may find that being with other children helps her 'remember' to go to the toilet. She may well make a very good friend who you could remind her to go to the toilet with - just a suggestion.

ethelsmum

When my son started school he was only just 4 - 4 in the July then started school in the September and was one of the youngest in the class. I could have waited until January but made the decision to start in September, I am so glad I did. He made loads of friends from the beginning and settled in brilliantly. By the time January came he had learnt so much and had I not started him until January he would have been behind the other kids. As it was only 1 person started in January and she seemed to settle in really well.
My dd was 4 last month and is starting school this September.

KellyWelly

I agree with bounty above. My daughter started in the September intake, part time until the winter term and she was 5 today. She also had problems with toileting that quickly improved when she started school - I think mostly because she was in a more structured environment where they were sent to the toilet at regular set times throughout the day. She never ever had any trouble from other children and was never called names.

frivolous_fay

Minerva69 wrote: »

We have a 4 year old daughter who will be 5 in early January. We have got a place at our local primary school, she is due to start in September this year. She attends a brilliant nursery school & children's centre full time at the moment (I know it's brilliant as I work there part-time ). She has been there since January last year and she loves it.

Is there some special reason for using the smilie from netmums?

Minerva69

frivolous_fay wrote: »

Is there some special reason for using the smilie from netmums?

No special reason, I'd just posted my message on Netmums to get double the advice I have RSI so to save my hands I copied and pasted it here too!

Thanks for the replies again everyone. I would love to move to another area but unfortunately due to our circumstances we're stuck here, probably forever! I had considered home education but my husband wasn't keen on the idea!

My daughter is already used to going full-time, she's at nursery from 9-3.30 now. It's a council nursery, not a private one, they have proper classes with qualified teachers and it's similar to school, just with fewer children and more staff, so she is used to the routines of going to the toilet with the other children etc and it still isn't helping. The staff there have been great trying to encourage her, but she just doesn't listen. At home we ask her if she needs to go, she says no and then 2 minutes later wets herself :rolleyes: We spoke to a continence nurse and she suggested setting an alarm clock to go off every hour to remind her to go, but it isn't practical to do that in a nursery class!

We'll see what happens at the school visit next week, and may make another appointment after that to discuss the issues further!