Should I send daughter to school in Sept or Jan?

Minerva69

We have a 4 year old daughter who will be 5 in early January. We have got a place at our local primary school, she is due to start in September this year. She attends a brilliant nursery school & children's centre full time at the moment (I know it's brilliant as I work there part-time ). She has been there since January last year and she loves it.

Our daughter is an only child and didn't really have any contact with other children until she started nursery. She never sees other children outside nursery time as none of our family/friends have young children. Her vocabulary and speech is ahead of other children (she loves talking to adults especially and will talk to anyone) but she is not as advanced in other areas. She can be quite stubborn and is used to playing on her own at home, not having to share etc. At first she had problems playing with other children at nursery but is much better at this now. Sometimes she won't do what the teachers ask, especially when they are meant to be doing an organised activity, or sitting down reading a story on the carpet (she prefers to do her own thing!).

She didn't come out of nappies until she was 3 as she had problems with potty-training. She now has a problem with wetting herself, it can happen up to 7 times a day. The teachers think she just gets so engrossed in something and forgets to go. She still wears nappies at night (we were advised to do this by a continence nurse).

Her nursery teacher has advised it might be best to let our daughter stay at nursery an extra term, and not send her to school until January. She thinks this will help her mature and hopefully sort the toilet problems out. We can't decide what to do, many of her classmates will be going in September so we are worried she might get left behind and find it difficult to make friends again. The primary school also prefers everyone to start in September, but I'm sure they won't want to deal with her wetting herself several times a day if she's still doing that in September!

I would like to hear from anyone who has done this and not sent their child to school til January or later. How did it affect them and did they fit in ok when they went to school? I'm speaking to one of the primary reception class teachers on Monday so would appreciate some advice before then. Thanks!

vixarooni

no idea, but from reading it and thinking logically, will much change in three months? Also, will it be harder starting in january if other children have started in september and already built friendships? I know she's young, but i did find it easier on my first day knowing everyone is in the same boat.

perhaps a mum will follow on with some advice soon, and good luck!

Sublime_2

I personally would wait until January, as 3 months may just give her that extra bit of preparation time, and there should also be other children starting then depending on theit birthdays, so she won't be alone.

Children can forget to go, while they are playing, its quite normal, but from reading your post, I think she would benefit from more time to get used to using the loo as its in danger of becoming an issue.

I'm not sure if you do this already, but its a good idea to have regular toilet stops, whether they feel like going or not, as its surprising how often they say they don't want to go, but actually do need to.

ailuro2

We "kept our daughter back" a year, she was born at the end of October so could have started school when she was 4 3/4 or 53/4

We spoke to my s-i-l and b-i-l who are bpth trained as teachers, a retired teacher who lives next door to us who taught infants for years - all of them said the older the child the better they will fare.

Our DD was clever enough but was a bit backward in coming forwards sometimes iyswim, and I thought she'd get left behind if she didn't speak up for herself in a class full of bigger kids.

As it turns out the extra year was just what she needed to bring her out of her shell, and she is top of her class in everything - the report card she brought home this term was just a big column of VeryGoods - could not be faulted.(or bettered!):A

If you send your child to school without giving the wetting herself thing a bit of extra time to be resolved then she may be left open to years of people calling her names etc - we all know how cruel kids can be to each other.:mad: It does sound to me like she's in a great place that will support you in helping to sort things out.

Another visit to the GP might hlep aswell - now she's a bit older maybe they can give her the alarm things that go off when kids start to wee and can stop and go to the toilet??

Lunar_Eclipse

Personally I would opt for September.

I have two children. The eldest started school at 4 & half and like all children her age, was part time for the first term. Youngest is September born so full time immediately. There is a huge social advantage in being full time as early as possible. I noticed it with my eldest and then saw the power of the advantage with my youngest. (As well as academic advantages generally speaking, but that's another story.)

So I would try everything you can to resolve the toilet issues asap, if possible. I would make it a priority, above attending nursery even. This will probably include spending a lot of time at home for a fixed period to minimise distractions. But with the Summer coming up, light clothing should make this easier.

HelenKA_2

You're the only one who can decide ultimately but I'm plumping for the later start. My children were all passed 5 yrs when they started and that, I think, was the advantage.

But I'm in Scotland so no-one starts school before they are 4 and half and some will be 6 in the October after they start in August.

I do understand what Lunar is saying though. Everyone starts together in Scotland and most, if not all, have a period of half days to begin their school career. Ours had 6 weeks of half days which really breaks them in gently. Can you tell I love our school!

Our second DD started school in England due to DH's secondment. She started Year 1 having had 2 years at the school nursery in Edinburgh. All the other children had of course been in reception. DD's teacher assessed her and she knew 5 words in September one of which was her name. By the June she was the top reader. I think this was because she was ready to start formal learning (I'd done very little at home - I had twins when she was almost 3!).

BUT, she was exhausted. She had to go straight to full days and it was a huge amount for her to have to deal with - especially as the year 1 curriculum isn't nearly as play based as reception.

For my s-i-l though it was a very different story. Her children had been in full time nursery from when she went back to work after mat leave and they were both fed up with half days in reception when they'd been used to full days in a buzzing evironment.

As far as the wetting pants thing, I'm pretty sure that health care people won't consider your DD for any kind of alarm for a while yet - just keep her drinking non caffine drinks and offering the toilet. Maybe a star chart would encourage her along a bit? Of course lots of praise anytime she does get to the toilet in time etc. On a day to day basis I don't think forced (not real force but YKWIM) toilet stops are the best thing because she needs to learn how to feel a full bladder - which is why you encourage fluids.

However, on holiday I do enforce toilet stops or we'd spend most of the time in the toilets instead of on the beach!!

Errata

I'd go for a September admission as I also doubt that three months would make vast amount of difference.
She will be with her friends in a September intake, and may have difficult fitting in with them if it's left until the new year. She will also be mixing with children older than her, which may help her to mature more easily than only mixing with her peer group and much younger children at nursery

Sublime_2

HelenKA wrote: »

You're the only one who can decide ultimately but I'm plumping for the later start. My children were all passed 5 yrs when they started and that, I think, was the advantage.

But I'm in Scotland so no-one starts school before they are 4 and half and some will be 6 in the October after they start in August.

I do understand what Lunar is saying though. Everyone starts together in Scotland and most, if not all, have a period of half days to begin their school career. Ours had 6 weeks of half days which really breaks them in gently. Can you tell I love our school!

Our second DD started school in England due to DH's secondment. She started Year 1 having had 2 years at the school nursery in Edinburgh. All the other children had of course been in reception. DD's teacher assessed her and she knew 5 words in September one of which was her name. By the June she was the top reader. I think this was because she was ready to start formal learning (I'd done very little at home - I had twins when she was almost 3!).

BUT, she was exhausted. She had to go straight to full days and it was a huge amount for her to have to deal with - especially as the year 1 curriculum isn't nearly as play based as reception.

For my s-i-l though it was a very different story. Her children had been in full time nursery from when she went back to work after mat leave and they were both fed up with half days in reception when they'd been used to full days in a buzzing evironment.

As far as the wetting pants thing, I'm pretty sure that health care people won't consider your DD for any kind of alarm for a while yet - just keep her drinking non caffine drinks and offering the toilet. Maybe a star chart would encourage her along a bit? Of course lots of praise anytime she does get to the toilet in time etc. On a day to day basis I don't think forced (not real force but YKWIM) toilet stops are the best thing because she needs to learn how to feel a full bladder - which is why you encourage fluids.

However, on holiday I do enforce toilet stops or we'd spend most of the time in the toilets instead of on the beach!!

I agree with a lot of the above, but I do think toilet stops (especially if they 've had a lot of drinks and not been) can be beneficial if you time them well, if they can't go, fine, just tell them thanks for trying, because they do sometimes need reminding. It worked for my daughter, combined with reward charts. All children are different, so go with anything that seems to work for you.

Krystaltips

My DD had a problem with constant wetting before she started full time school... Not complete flooding wet but constantly wet knickers... She started full time in September and was not 5 until March. I originally sent her into school with a bag stuffed with knickers and strict instructions to either tell her teacher or change herself if she was wet and put the wet ones into a carrier bag which she did at first... But to be honest, I think the structured environment has really helped her with going to the toilet regularly and keeping herself dry. We very rarely have wet pants at all now...

Oh, and at 4 or 5, the other children never picked up on her wetting, and she's never been called names... I think this is more likely to happen to an older child... I imagine there are 1 or 2 other children with similar problems in that age group...

b3nton

September seems a safe bet to me

jollymummy

Hi there
We've been having exactly the same thoughts, our DS will be 4 and 4 months in september and at our local school he can start full time in September/January or April. He's an only too but does have friends out of nursery. I had a good chat with his nursery and the school today and have found out a friend of his from nursery is starting in Sept and all the other children in his year who have returned forms to the school are too. He's pretty advanced so although he'll be younger than many, we've decided to let him start in September. As it's a small school in a small village he'll know a few other children in the class too which is good. However like you I had a few concerns but spoke to the school and feel reassured now. If I were you I'd tell the school about your concerns and see if you feel rassured by their answers. Also are there any other children your daughter knows starting soon and if so when are they starting?
When DS started nursery when he was 3 he sometimes forgot to go to the loo but he is ok now as others have said the structure of school may well help. Good luck.
Feel free to PM me if you want to, it's a blimmin scarey time letting them go isn't it !!!!