dont know what to do? advise please

Bexm

Hi Claire!

Have you thought about going to see relate. If you think your relationship is worth saving and want to try they may be able help?

My now husband and I went to see them a few years ago as we were having problems.. we'd been together since a very young age and were both acting in a similar way to your partner.

Talking it out with someone else there who knew how to handle situations like that surprisingly really did help..and made us realise what we were both like, and we have managed to change.. and got married!

I'm not saying it will definitly work for you, but it's worth a go if you want to try and save your relationship.

Their website is here: http://www.relate.org.uk/

They will ask you how much you can afford.. so if yu are completely skint you will still be able to see them as it's subsidised. There is likely to be a bit of a wait though..

Hope this helps

Bex

PS.. I am 27 now.. and was about 24 when we went to relate..

Caroline73_2

You're only 23. Do you want to spend the next 60 years like this?

Dinah93

You've been with him 7 years, people change more in that period of their life than any other, and its almost natural that you have changed in different ways. You're not the same people you each fell in love with at 15, question is are you still as in love with the person he is now?

claire999

thanks very much to everyones help so far, im gonna try my best and speak to my partner this week some time, i think the best thing for us all is to split up and then worry bout the rest later..

Pee

What about the house? Do you have any equity in it?

wise_fool

Claire999,

I meet young ladies like you all the time. Usually quite pretty but shacked up with useless oafs that make them feel useless.

My advice is learn to love yourself a bit more and tell the waste of space to take a walk.

DeeDee74

((hugs)) Hun.
reading your post i really don't think you sound like you wana stay with him?
if you truly don't love him and he treat's you bad don't stay just cause you have a house and debt together.
i know it's a lot easier to say than do.
maybe have time away from him if at all possible, that way your have time to focus on what u want and make the right choice for you.

good luck Hun x

yoni_one

claire999 wrote: »

thanks very much to everyones help so far, im gonna try my best and speak to my partner this week some time, i think the best thing for us all is to split up and then worry bout the rest later..

As you are probably aware it can be very very difficult to have an open and honest talk with a controlling person because they play on weaknesses and twist things so that you start to question if it really is your fault.

You cannot change their behaviour so the only responsibility you have regarding that behaviour is your decision to accept it or not and how to stay in or get out of the relationship while keeping yourself safe.

Someone mentioned Women's Aid earlier, your partner has not been physically violent to you but he has been emotionally abusive. I work for Women's Aid and your circumstances are such that you should be eligible for support from your local office who should be able to offer you information to help you consider all your options.

The 24 hour freephone helpline is in my signature.

Tangled finances are often the reason why people do not leave controlling relationships. There is a thread on this forum with links to considerable information about this very issue - You Can Afford To Leave

You don't need to live with this any longer. Let me know if you need any more info.

Stay safe x

Minimum_Wage_2

its not easy at all and it will be a very hard struggle, there is no point giving in if he doesnt want to split as it will probably go back to being the same and deep down you dont love him any more. i have always said "be cruel to be kind" and its very true!