Help supporting 21 year old student

Janetew

My 21 year old (student) is living at home again while doing work placement. I have never asked my ex (of two years) for financial help and he has never offered any. My ex has a very good income, whereas I have to dip into savings every month just to survive.

I have today sent my ex an email asking if he would help me support his son. I wondered if anyone thinks I am being reasonable to ask and also for how much?

MrsTinks

At 21 I don't think he has any obligation to support your child any more - doesn't your 21yr old get paid for work placement or get some sort of allowance for being on work placement?
I do think though at 21 it should be up to them to pay you rent even if they are studying... sorry.

Janetew

Yes, thank you MrsTine, this really is my feeling and my son is indeed paying although he gets no allowance for being on work placement. Perhaps I am being unreasonable.

Rachel85

Have you checked that your son is receiving all of the support he is entitled to as a student? There is a lot of help available for those from 'low income families'. I believe the threshold is £50k/year but I'll find out for you if you think it helpful.

Your ex is under no obligation to help out, but appealing to his better nature may work. How much you ask for depends on the actual costs you have associated with having your son with you. If you are actually having to give your son money in order for him to survive as a student then perhaps your ex could assist with this.

McKneff

Why dont you get your son to ask his father for some support.
He's a big lad now at 21. It may help the request coming from him

MrsTinks

Actually McKneff that's a good idea I hadn't even thought of that
Your ex might take better to a request from his child to some help (especially if he can show he's working hard on his degree etc and just needs a hand and you can't keep supporting him and paying his bills

Soubrette

Although your ex-husband is under no obligation to help your son out - most parents do.

Would it be better to frame any requests as asking for help for your son directly? A monthly allowance for him while he's studying or something similar?

As a long shot there is also some talk about children who have taken their parents to court for 'maintenance' whilst at university. I think there are two cases but you would need legal advice to see if your son's situation was in anyway similar to these cases.

Sou

Janetew

Thank you so much. We'll give it a go.

McKneff

;)keep us updated jane, no matter how old they are they are still our babies aren't they (mine are much older than yours;)

Spirit_2

My 21 year old DD is a student & lives at home. Whilst she works and never asks us for money we do help out and we 'keep her'. In October she will go abroad for a work placement, in recent weeks it has become clear we will have to support her financially whist she is away as the credit crunch means her placement will now be unpaid.

Not her fault, the world has changed and we will have to change our plans a bit to help her.

Make contact with you son's dad and explain that he needs a bit of parental support from both of you over his 'sandwich' year.


There may not be a legal obligation, but if humanly possible, the urge to help our offspring is bigger than the 'legal obligation'.