seen the light but need help

rchddap1

ellieshopaholic wrote:

murtle answer
yes i pay for all birthdays, christmas,food,clothes hence all the debt on cards and catologues, we lost our cooker .lawn mower, hoover last year all bought on catologues

From what I can see you can't continue to do this. My suggestion would be to sit down one evening quietly with your husband and set everything out on paper. What all the expenses are and who can pay for it.

Essentially write a whole new budget which includes and plans for all of the expected expenses (this includes birthdays and xmas.)

ellieshopaholic

answer rchddap
just cahnged over after christmas and now saving £27.00 a month.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Ellie,

Could you sit down with your hubby add all the family income together, his salary, your salary, maintenance,benefits etc etc.

Then add all the family bills,debts together ie outgoings.

Then together draw up a plan of action / priorities / cut backs etc.

ie one team together. if you are struggling financially...whats the use of him doing ok...if you know what I mean and vice versa.

Do you think this approach would help ?

( Though I accept different couples have different ways of doing things, so maybe this is or is not the way forward for you)

Murtle

ok by my calculations you have £154 left over at the end of the month.

If you can work out your yearly list for birthdays/christmas etc and then work out how much you will spend on each person to get a total.

Divide that number by 12 and hopefully it will come out at less then £154. The extra money can be used to pay back debt!!

With regards to Sky, can you not reduce the package to the smallest one that they allow to not make you pay for the box?

Mobile phone, is your husband self-employed? if not why is he using his own phone for work? surely if he needs a mobile the company will fund it? if you want yours for emergencies, then payt is a better option. You can phone up and get them to change your account to a payt account. But do it as soon as they allow it which can be month 10 or 11 of your contract.

Do you have things that you can ebay - to sell not buy to use to pay back some debt? Look on the Old style board for more tips on reducing costs of basic things.

M

Murtle

who pays for the food? I don't see that listed anywhere??

rchddap1

I believe that's part of the problem Murtle....she's got no spare cash for the grocery shopping next month. For the moment they are living out of the cupboards.

ellieshopaholic

thank you all for all your suggestions it is good to talk about it as i have been under the doctor for depression and high blood pressure, as i just wan tto provide for my children to make up for coming from a 'broken home' they are really good they know money is tight and never ask for anything they know i can not afford but they still grow and need to be able to do their sports.
i will try and speak to my husband, its hard after a broken marriage as the last husband did nto give me any money at all and maybe that is why i spent so much money on the hosue and children.is that £
154 between us murtle?a big thank you, you have all been so kind and i feel alot better having shared it all.Why can i not type today sorry for all mistakes. just to say i do cook most of our own food so the supermarlet only fills in really, just have to start making even more stuff to make it last even longer.

ellieshopaholic

yes you are right i buy the food and my husband keeps his eyes open for bargians of stuff we use inthe local supermarket. i used to make a round trip of 50 miles it is very barren up her ein scotland for the monthly shop but have just run out of money to even do that now, hoping to have some money after all your suggestions to get at least a good shop OF ESSENTIAL THINGS ONLY,soon.
nothing to sell on e bay trying to build up a cosmetic catologue round but not making much at that at the moment this month it was £10 which pays for milk, bread etc.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

HI Ellie,

You are doing fine, just take on step at a time.

some times the hardest part is recognising there is aproblem and asking for help.

You have already made progess by writing down where you are and seeing what your options are.

Maybe at the right moment sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart and ask if you can share these worries with him and with both supporting each other go forward together.

stay positive,look after yourself and keep posting.

I wish you well.

rchddap1

You've no need to apologise for anything. There are a lot of people on these boards who have come to us in far worse states than you. You should feel proud of yourself for posting all the information about your life on this board. It is brilliant first step...and as they say the more minds there are the easier a problem becomes to solve.

If you want suggestions on home cooking you should take a look at the Old Style boards. We are a really friendly bunch over there (honest).

Don't worry about talking to your husband. My OH has kids from a previous marriage and he does feel strange when he needs to ask for my help. He sometimes seems to think that if his problems were caused from this past then he should solve it and not me. I on the otherhand am happy to help him where and whenever I can.

We are a partnership and I love him dearly...so if there is a problem we work on it together. Things then become far easier both emotionally and financially.