Silkglades - In need of a kick up the @rse Diary

combo81

Well, no there isnt really.. Tell me ..how would you go about it?

Karen_30

Morning all,

I know that problem of saying "NO" silkglade....we have all done it and still do it.....don't be too hard on yourself.

The main thing is that you realise what you have to do and want to do it. Little steps will get you there and maybe starting with the shopping and trying to save money in this area will be the starting point.

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

Take care,

K x

silkglade

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Well done on getting back to focusing ondealing with things, and I'm glad your life seems to be working out so well for you - oh, and congrats on no.4 - don't worry about the driving thing - if he's not passed by "D-Day" then you'd just have to go in by ambulance instead - not the end of the world and there are more people than you would imagine who still don't drive - it's not as unusual as everyone thinks.

I will have had 9 months to get the going into hosp part sorted out! I know just how busy and over worked they all are! They do not need another woman in labour calling 999 just because they don't have a lift into hosp, I have had several neighbours say they will be more than happy to take me in when the time comes.... just hope they are available at the time i need them. and the ambulances are needed for the real emergencies.

silkglade

Combo81 Thank you for your honest opinion, I really appreciate it.

My other half stays at home looking after the kids and the house and as I work 12hr rotating shifts it is impossible to work around this.

He is very loving and giving and will do anything I ask, I have spoken to him within the last few days and we are going to sit down and work things out together.

His part of the debt is minimal compaired to the overal size of it... His CC was only £250 and I just paid it without giving it a 2nd thought, where as he was really struggling.

He was out of work for about 4 - 6 months and part of the debt was that he had to move out of his ex's and get himself somewhere to live as he knew no one up there, but had a job st did not move back down south.

Later on he was made redundant. obviously like many others did not see it coming.

silkglade

EssexHebridean wrote: »

You sound like a very lovely person and your OH is lucky that you have found one another. I think getting him involved in the finances is a good plan - and I think it would also be a good plan when you sit down and go through things to make it very clear what proportion of the "joint debt" relates to his past problems. It never needs to be mentioned again afterwards, but just so he sees the true picture as it is, at the start. Whilst hating to be negative, do you have something in writing agreeing what would hapen with the debts of his that you've put on your CC? If not you should deal with that sharpish - having both come from past relationships that have broken down you are both aware that things can sometimes go wrong, and you don't want to risk being saddled with more debt than you should have if the worst should ever happen. I know you probably think this is a terrible perspective to take on things, but you have to think of you and your kids first and foremost.

Re the overspending on premium brands etc, is it not possible that he could do some work from home to earn extra to put into the family pot to pay for these? It would do his self-esteem good to be putting something in as well I would have thought.

Thank you for your kind words, you sound lovely too .

I had mentioned the debt to OH before a few times, but I don't think he understands it fully as I deal with all the finances and pay the bills. I will start getting him more involved from now on.

EssexHebridean

silkglade wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words, you sound lovely too .

I had mentioned the debt to OH before a few times, but I don't think he understands it fully as I deal with all the finances and pay the bills. I will start getting him more involved from now on.

I think that's the answer - if he doesn't fully understand the problem he can't help you deal with it after all.

I noted what you said before about working 12 hour shifts - obviously that will make it difficult for your OH to tie in working as well. What about stuff he can do from home? Even just cashback sites, competitions etc? Every little helps after all. What does he do for spending money at the moment?

silkglade

That is what I have been trying to work on with him... I have got him into Quidco already though, he loves that

Well as far as spending money goes not alot for either of us I even felt guilty about having to buy maternity underwear.

He has his lessons at the moment and feels that he is taking too much money, but I just want him to pass his test as soon as possible, especially as we live in an area that you really need to be able to drive to get anywhere.

At the moment I find it really draining having to keep going out as it's all down to me.

EssexHebridean

silkglade wrote: »

That is what I have been trying to work on with him... I have got him into Quidco already though, he loves that

Well as far as spending money goes not alot for either of us I even felt guilty about having to buy maternity underwear.

He has his lessons at the moment and feels that he is taking too much money, but I just want him to pass his test as soon as possible, especially as we live in an area that you really need to be able to drive to get anywhere.

At the moment I find it really draining having to keep going out as it's all down to me.

Well that's not surprising - it's a big family to be the responsibility (financially at least) of one person. At what stage will you have to stop working and how will your income being affected while you're off? Once you've packed up work to have the little 'un will your OH be looking to get out and get some work, even if only short term? 6 months earning something will be better than nothing, and even if it's only bar / shop work, at least it'll be a help.

Quidco is great - not many points available on Pigsback these days but worth him signing up for the sake of entering the competitions still, I've had about £60 in vouchers off these in the past year and I reckon £40 of that is down to competition wins and google points. Tesco will accept up to three money off vouchers per shop even if you've not bought the product, so the printable shopping vouchers are worth a look.

I think you really need to get your SOA up for people to give you much more input now - there may well be areas for savings that haven't occurred to you, but that others wll spot and highlight.

silkglade

Thats great, thanks for the heads up on the vouchers etc.

I am very lucky where I work as the maternity pay is good.

I get full pay for 8 weeks and then 1/2 pay + SMP for 26 weeks :-)

They also will lump your maternity pay in together and then pay you eaqual amounts over the time your off.

I also have 7 weeks of leave to use up prior to my maternity leave as otherwise I will lose it. Obviously that is on normal full pay.

I will get an soa on here shortly, either sometime today or tomorrow.

silkglade

Sorry not been on here all week.... Prob had the worst week of my life.... EVER spent most of it in my bedroom crying!

Can't talk about it or go into details yet as still too upsetting (but everything with baby is fine)

On a shocking side My other half sorted out the sainsbury's order online and guess what most of the stuff in the basket was the sainsbury's basics... I had not even got round to the chat about changing to lower costing foods yet...:T Well done or what!