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hummm, I'm scared.

edited 28 April 2009 at 6:56PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
49 replies 14K views
topsyhenritopsyhenri Forumite
17 posts
edited 28 April 2009 at 6:56PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
Been lurking here for ages and reading all the posts.

I'm too scared to face up to my debts; I have no money anyway, (I'm a mature student with children), so what difference does it make..?

My credit rating is shot to pieces, I can't afford to pay them all what they want - I can barely afford to feed the family, petrol and pay the rent let alone anything else.

I have one pair of shoes that are falling to bits, my jeans have just died, I can't buy the kids the things they need - they both only have one pair of shoes that they have to wear for everything.

I haven't got the money to let my son go on his "last year of primary school" week's trip away to Hayling Island but am going to have to find it somehow because I couldn't live with myself if he missed that. I asked if they would let me pay little bits a week - they suggested £10.00 a week....yeah right. That's food for us all per week. I was thinking more like £2/week.

My 11 year old car is making weird noises, I really need it, (because of where we are), but have no money to fix it, and no breakdown cover for when if does break down. God know's what I'll do when it does eventually go, there's no way I could afford the bus fares to get the children to school every day, let alone me getting to Uni.

My cat is ill, and I cancelled the pet insurance about 2 years ago due to lack of money; had to go to the vet and "beg" them to see her, even though I had no money. Don't qualify for PDSA because I'm a student. And now I owe them money as well as every body else. But bless them so much for seeing her. :-(

I haven't paid my 2 credit cards, old bank account, weird student account, e-on gas&elec bill hasn't been paid for about 12 months. Parking tickets, I haven't claimed tax credits for the last year because they said I owed them £2900 - how, I don't know, because I was nothing but honest with. So apparently I still owe them £2900.

My ex's father pays our council tax. I love him.. Apparently I owe £500 to our landlord for an old british gas bill, (not sure how, thought it was up-to-date when I swapped it from him to me), £250 approx combined water bill on my old house, (again, thought that was paid off when we moved out)... there's probably more but I can't think about it all.

I have paid nothing apart from rent, food, petrol and essentials for over 12 months. I'm really scared. I have horrible letters coming in on a daily basis that I just can't open. There's no point, I can't afford them anyway. Baliffs have come round - I want to stop the children from playing outside in the garden because they leave the door unlocked and a baliff could get in if I'm not there to see who comes down the path. I can't tell the children why.

What on earth do I do?

I had severe depression last year, and am suffering to a lesser extent now - I'm re-taking my 2nd year of uni because of it - I have to take things very much one step at a time or I get overwhelmed and can't cope. I know that sounds horribly wussy, but this approach is helping me cope; I get very tired too and that doesn't help.

I have two assignments, and four exams, plus 3ft of revision, to get through, before I can even think about dealing with any of this. I'll be free of uni work at the end of May, until the middle of September.

I want to get all the money stuff sorted then, because I really can't deal with it over the next few weeks.

What can I do. I don't even know where the majority of the un-opened post is. How do I start, How can I make this better. I know it can't carry on with me ignoring it all. :-(

Sorry. Thanks.


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Replies

  • GonzoAstonGonzoAston Forumite
    1.4K posts
    Hi,

    Welcome. Alot of people here have been in the same/similar situation. Firstly, I would suggest speaking to a debt counsellor. I used CCCS on 0800 138 1111. There are alot of options for you:

    DMP - You pay a monthly fee to a company (use a charge free company) that you can easily afford. They then split the money between you creditors, and they also deal with any telephone calls and letters on your behalf.

    This is the one I know most about, as I am in one myself. You need to phone one of these companies and speak to them ASAP. Im so much happier now im in mine, its not for everyone though.

    Hope you speak to them, and get something sorted out soon. :D

    More people will be along to give you more advice :)
    I know my spelling is shocking :eek: It is alot better than it used to be though :rotfl:
  • hi topsy

    first of all make a cup of tea and calm down (easier said than done i know)
    give CCCS, PAYPLAN or CAB a call they will help you

    can you post up your SOA
    www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

    i know your feeling pretty grim but you will get all the help and support you want and need here

    there is always someone about even if you just need to rant about something

    do you have family near you who might be able to help out in the short term

    well done for posting and keep coming back

    kas xx
    br no 188 ;) AD 17th apr 09:D
    :Dmortgage free 22/5/09:D
    :Ddebt free 11/8/09:D
    :j#18 £2 saver = £ :T sealed pot #333
    silent member of mikes mob
    i will lose weight :rolleyes: i will sort my house :o
  • edited 23 April 2009 at 2:36AM
    gettingbettergettingbetter Forumite
    1.4K posts
    Mortgage-free Glee!
    edited 23 April 2009 at 2:36AM
    topsyhenri wrote: »
    Been lurking here for ages and reading all the posts.

    I'm too scared to face up to my debts; I have no money anyway, (I'm a mature student with children), so what difference does it make..? you have taken the first step by posting here. you may be scared but most of us have been in the same boat

    My credit rating is shot to pieces, I can't afford to pay them all what they want - I can barely afford to feed the family, petrol and pay the rent let alone anything else. whats a credit rating your family comes first

    I have one pair of shoes that are falling to bits, my jeans have just died, I can't buy the kids the things they need - they both only have one pair of shoes that they have to wear for everything.join the freecycle for your area you will be amazed how many people get rid of clothes and shoes for you and the kids

    I haven't got the money to let my son go on his "last year of primary school" week's trip away to Hayling Island but am going to have to find it somehow because I couldn't live with myself if he missed that. I asked if they would let me pay little bits a week - they suggested £10.00 a week....yeah right. That's food for us all per week. I was thinking more like £2/week. dont know what to suggest here unless you can ask ex FIL for loan

    My 11 year old car is making weird noises, I really need it, (because of where we are), but have no money to fix it, and no breakdown cover for when if does break down. God know's what I'll do when it does eventually go, there's no way I could afford the bus fares to get the children to school every day, let alone me getting to Uni. do you have a friend or contact thats mechanically minded

    My cat is ill, and I cancelled the pet insurance about 2 years ago due to lack of money; had to go to the vet and "beg" them to see her, even though I had no money. Don't qualify for PDSA because I'm a student. And now I owe them money as well as every body else. But bless them so much for seeing her. :-(

    I haven't paid my 2 credit cards, old bank account, weird student account, e-on gas&elec bill hasn't been paid for about 12 months. Parking tickets, I haven't claimed tax credits for the last year because they said I owed them £2900 - how, I don't know, because I was nothing but honest with. So apparently I still owe them £2900. are you getting letters from dca's might be worth sending the CCA request letter. there is a template letter on here

    My ex's father pays our council tax. I love him.. Apparently I owe £500 to our landlord for an old british gas bill, (not sure how, thought it was up-to-date when I swapped it from him to me), £250 approx combined water bill on my old house, (again, thought that was paid off when we moved out)... there's probably more but I can't think about it all. write and ask for explanation

    I have paid nothing apart from rent, food, petrol and essentials for over 12 months. I'm really scared. I have horrible letters coming in on a daily basis that I just can't open. There's no point, I can't afford them anyway. Baliffs have come round - I want to stop the children from playing outside in the garden because they leave the door unlocked and a baliff could get in if I'm not there to see who comes down the path. I can't tell the children why. what balliffs pm herbie21 she is the expert on them she will need a name and she will be able to help you

    What on earth do I do?

    I had severe depression last year, and am suffering to a lesser extent now - I'm re-taking my 2nd year of uni because of it - I have to take things very much one step at a time or I get overwhelmed and can't cope. I know that sounds horribly wussy, but this approach is helping me cope; I get very tired too and that doesn't help. your not wussy your brave and are having your LBM you have realised you cant go on like this and are now doing something about it

    I have two assignments, and four exams, plus 3ft of revision, to get through, before I can even think about dealing with any of this. I'll be free of uni work at the end of May, until the middle of September.

    I want to get all the money stuff sorted then, because I really can't deal with it over the next few weeks.

    What can I do. I don't even know where the majority of the un-opened post is. How do I start, How can I make this better. I know it can't carry on with me ignoring it all. :-(

    Sorry. Thanks.

    dont know what else to say
    the real expert will be around soon

    take care

    kas xx
    br no 188 ;) AD 17th apr 09:D
    :Dmortgage free 22/5/09:D
    :Ddebt free 11/8/09:D
    :j#18 £2 saver = £ :T sealed pot #333
    silent member of mikes mob
    i will lose weight :rolleyes: i will sort my house :o
  • Fire_FoxFire_Fox Forumite
    26K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Just popped in to say hello from one mature student who has experienced depression to another! I did the whole not opening post and not answering the phone thing too, it takes on a life of it's own after a while. Is there anyone you can trust enough to be with you opening the post? There is light at the end of the tunnel, honey, keep posting here it's the best place ever with the best people ever! :A
    Declutterbug-in-progress.⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️⭐️
  • BLUEWKDBLUEWKD Forumite
    6.8K posts
    hI
    I don't know if your ex's father will help you out any more but if he will, my suggestion is to go bankrupt. Drastic I know, but as soon as you do, you can clear all your debts (not bothering about that knock on the door or the post is a great weight of your shoulders I know form experience). The only prob is the cost, but as I say if you can beg or borrow the money, personally I feel it is worth it. The 1st step is the CAB who help you with the decison and fill in forms etc. There is a great deal of discussion on this on bankruptcy and living with it thread and also read this thread http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1639589

    Also read the coupons thread, can get a lot of food for hardly nothing at Tesco's and you may bea able to even get clothes and shoes at Tesco's with coupons if you take them and pay for them with your food and use coupons. Not positive about this, but can check with other couponers, check this thread http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1625199

    Just remember a lot of us have been there and ignoring everything is what we have done, but doesn't go away unfortunately. I went bankrupt in October 2008 and best thing and easiest ish thing I have done.
    Be thankful for what you have because it could all be taken away tomorrow.;)


  • Don't panic - CCCS are really helpful. Make sure you are concentrating on the priority bills, every thing else can wait. They may threaten horrible things but you have to pay your living costs and any court would agree!

    Regarding your son's trip, can you write or talk to the school? I know that ours has a fund which covers things like school trips for those who really can't afford them (on occasions I know of schools who have also bought key items of clothing when parents are really stuck). If you make sure the school know the full picture I'm sure they will be able to help.

    When I first started to sort out my mess (which was only a couple of months ago), I put all the post into a big box. I then opened them all over a couple of days. At the moment I am sorting out the priority debts - only in writing. Once they are sorted I will move on to the others.

    Good Luck
    :idea: LB 22/2/09 Debt at LB £46216.64 Debt now £42657.28 Paid off £3559.36/£46216.64 (7%)
    CTax arrears paid £1341.72/£4821.85 (£3480.13) 28%:eek:
    Pay off £15K by Xmas '09 £3559.36/£15000 24%
    £1000 in 100 days £45/£1000
  • Re the school residential - I am a deputy head in a primary school and would suggest you talk to the head teacher, rather then the teacher who is organising the trip. If your financial situation is so tight your school should be able to look into accessing a hardship grant which pays for children in these circumstances so they do not miss out. SOme schools have a trust fund they can access in these situations, especially if they are faith schools. Schools are allowed to charge for extra curriculuar activities, but the letter always says that no child will be excluded in real cases of financial hardship (or words to that effect - it's early and I cant remember the exact wording!) You may have to proved them with information to support your request. DO you currently access free school meals as this should help to back up for request also.
    I will look into this further for you once I am up properly and got a coffee in me.
  • ladybezladybez Forumite
    474 posts
    Welcome to the boards. Everyone on here isreally supportive of anyone trying to sort out financial problems. I don't pretend to be an expert, they will be along soon. Just one suggestion, would there be any advice available through Uni? I vaguely remember there was all sorts of help available through Student services. Let us know how you go on.
    Hugs.
  • SystemSystem
    177.7K posts
    10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Hi topsy, nothing to add to what has already been said except the suggestion ref Father in Law; Don't underestimate the help that you have around you such as friends and family. You may have to swallow some pride (I still havent told my family or friends) but it could provide an exit strategy for you and allow you to formulate a repayment plan with Payplan or CCCS. Post your SOA as well so people can see what your incomings and outgoings are. You must not continue to ignore everything. There is light at the beginning of the tunnel and an even brighter one at the end. Good luck and keep posting here. Len
  • helnaghelnag Forumite
    439 posts
    Hi,

    I'm afraid I don't have any advice to offer but just wanted to say **Big Hugs**.

    Helen
    PAD total since 27/07/09 = £60.83 - [strike]Capital One[/strike]:[strike] £192.73[/strike]£27.00 Next catalogue: [strike]£429.00[/strike] £154.00
    Welcome car HP: [strike]£6090[/strike], £3900, Welcome Loan:[strike]£3370[/strike], £2660HLC #1: [strike]£907.00[/strike]£637.00, HLC #2:[strike] £838.00[/strike]£608.00
    Sealed Pot Challenge 2009 - Member #649 - Target £500...banked £119.50 already.
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