How to word a bereavement card - help!

Sweet_Pea_2

We recently lost a good friend after a long illness. He was only 35 and had moved back in with his parents after his marriage had broken down.
His family are taking it very hard, we know his family quite well but are finding it very difficult to write a condolence card for them. My mind goes a complete blank and anything I cobble together just looks stilted or gushing.
I'm obviously just not good at expressing myself very well.
Can anyone suggest anything?

aussielle

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Sweet Pea.

How about something like

We are so sorry to hear the sad news about .... we wish we could offer words to ease your pain. You are in our thoughts at this very sad and difficult time. Depending how well you know his family maybe offer your support and say you are only a ph call away if needed etc

Perhaps also say he was a lovely, and (describe him) man and we shall miss him dearly. It was a pleasure to have known him. You shall always remember him for his sense of humour (whatever is appropriate) or recall an event you remember with fondness.

I know it can be really hard to know what to write but just trust your judgement and write whatever you feel from the heart, I'm sure it will be appreciated.

twink

i am sorry to hear of your loss too and i agree with Aussielle that sounds about right. it is just lovely to feel people are thinking of you, i was very touched to get a card from our postlady who we hardly knew. i think it is nice to to write of an occassion you both shared and enjoyed

Crispy_Ambulance

I think people are just comforted to know that you are thinking about them. Nothing you write can take the pain away and it is often the fact that you sent a card that means more than the actual words. Sometimes cliches are what we need to hear.

mae

I lost my cousin who was 35 recently she left three small children and I sent her family a card and just wrote 'I am so sorry...Words fail me'
Because they really did fail me..
Don't know if its the correct thing to write but thats how I felt at the time.. Don't try too hard just go with your instincts.

unsure

In the end it won't matter what you say. The important thing that will provide comfort and support is to reach out and show you care. Whatever you say will do that, the wrong thing..which many people do would be to avoid sending a card because it was too difficult to get right. I speak as someone who has recently lost his father unexpectedly and been touched and cpomforted by the good wishes of those who knew him and cared about him.

There is nothing you can say that will bring your friend/their son back, but telling that you were glad to have known him and something of the life/experiences you shared will help to celebrate his life and not just dwell on his death. It's fine to say " I don;t quite know how to say this but I will always remember X because ...." .After all, those memories remain with you and can be cherished and shared and in doing so you keep that part of him alive in the world.

Don't worry about getting it wrong. As long as you show you care you will be getting it right.

twink

again i agree its the little kindnesses people do that help get you through even a while after as you are in shock to begin with

pattycake

My husband lost both his parents in an accident many years ago. We received many cards and letters from people we did not know. Although they made us cry when we read them at the time, it was wonderful to know how kind people can be and was a comfort to my husband. We still have the letters and cards.

Even if you just send a card saying they are in your thoughts, that is enough.
They will appreciate the gesture.

Sweet_Pea_2

Thanks for all your advice. I am in the lucky position of never having to do this before or receive cards like this myself so had no experience to draw from. I would have just written "deeply sorry for your loss" sort of thing, which I will obviously still put, but had not thought of putting about any nice memories that I have of our friend, which I think is a really nice touch. I do have many good memories of things that we did together and the good laughs that we had so I will mention those too, and hope that his parents can draw some comfort in the future.