Simple Small Wedding/Family Troubles!

natc

Thanks Neeny82 for your reply. I would hope that both my dad and stepdad would be really pleased, and feel special, but the type of ppl they are, i can just imagine that one or the other or both may feel put out. Which i know is very selfish of them if that were the case. I will just have to ask them the question and see what they think. I think my problem was actually asking them, and the reaction i will get from either of them, but if they are negative about it, and are grumpy because of it, well, that is just their problem and nothing is going to ruin my special day, they have ruined enough things in my life so far, its not happening on the day, ive decided!! ha.

As for the large weddings, i totally agree it is personal choice, and i do have quite a large extended family, and friends, but i would rather have it a bit more intimate. Also, i could, like you, decide to have the whole family and all friends in for the wedding, but would still do it MSE and not go over the top, i think thats when the day will just become a blur and also a lot of debt.

A friend of mine recently got married, and she became a real bridezilla!!! Things like, bridemsmaid cant have higher heels than her, can only have ya hair a certain way, and not allowed to make it any shorter up to the wedding, loads of things that i think she got caught up in, it takes the fun out of the day.

Neeny82

Oh gosh, yes I agree that things like that totally take the fun out of the day! I've never understood brides who don't want their bridesmaids to look nice! TBH my wedding has been really quite stress free and I am yet to have any bridezilla moments thankfully! I think this is mainly due to the fact that me and OH have really supportive and relaxed families who do not feel like sticking their noses in every 5 mins!

natc

chickenpants - I really admire you!!! you are so right, a great example of doing things the way you wanna do em! Good on you.

Neeny82 - i am hoping mine is going to be stress free, apart for this glitch, too! My family arent ones to interfere, but they like to give advice, and will help no end, which could constitute to interfering!! haha. They wont be taking over i know that! When my Auntie got married 20 years ago, her MIL totally took over, in fact it was her idea for her to marry her son, and she made all the arrangements and even chose the dress, how interferring is that! My auntie said she cant even remember the weddiing day properly! They are not together now....she is marrying again, this time in registar office, on their own, no photos, no do, etc, and that is it. They may have a party a few weeks after! But that is them, just wanting to be married, and have done with it, sounds like heaven to me!!! hahaha

natc

Awww, that is sooo lovely!!! I could cry!!! Im still hoping that OH will just let us have a tiney gathering of close family in church and then just jet off on our honeymoon. :jI love my dads, both of them! I just didnt wanna upset either of them, but my stepdad has been there for me, my dad hasnt, i dont feel very close to him,i can go months without seeing him, its been like that since was kid, hes just slack! Hes let me down a load of times, he would probably end up being late to my wedding anyway! Wally he is. I like the idea of going down on my own with bridesmaids, and them at the altar, i think that i will be more comfortable with that rather than them both walking me down.

I also want a relaxed day.No seating plans and ordered sit down meals. We are planning on a church wedding then onto a hotel down the road, which is really close for all our family and friends to just role home from! There, they do either sit down meals, or they have buffet menus, ranging from £9.95 per head to £19.95 per head, theres one at £16.95 which includes outside bbq. they also said that they discuss food options, and have in the passed made just bacon butties for guests as thats what the couple wanted!!! That is relaxed. mmm with a bit of brown sauce!!!

The church we are planning on marrying in also have a building accross the road, which you can use for reception, it does have a small bar in another room, but the building inside does look rather shabby and would have to find caterers etc.

MsChazzer

I had exactly the same dad/stepdad worries and decided to have my younger brothers walk me up the aisle. But since then OH and I decided we'd like to support each other through the whole day (he's nervous about not knowing my big family) so we're going to arrive together and chat to guests beforehand.

We're having a humanist ceremony (legal in Scotland) in a hall with a garden we've hired. We're trying to make it as relaxed as a party at home would be (if we had a big house with a garden!), there will be no speeches or table plans and the food will be a barbecue provided by caterers. There'll be around 55 guests and in the evening we'll go onto another venue with a bar (can't afford to provide drinks all day and night!) where about 15 others will join us.

We've made things like invites and decorations ourselves and my dad is getting two of his students to play the clarsach for us. It's costing nowhere near £20k.

natc

MsChazzer, youre wedding sounds like it will be just perfect. And i totally beleive you can have a perfect weddign for a lot less that 20k also!!

Ooooh im so excited to make the invites an dbouquets myself...will be fun!

rinroo

natc wrote: »

Also, another problem im having is the "giving away" part of the wedding.....i have a dad and a stepdad, more close to stepdad, my real dad hasnt been involved in my life enough, and would rather my stepdad do it, but i dont wanna cause loads of trouble, i know my real dad would be devestated if my stepdad did the job, and have even thought of having them both give me away (which could look weird avin 2 blokes walk down the aisle) or even just having my mum.....!!! Anyone else had this kind of problem before, and if so, what was the outcome???

Many thanks in advance and sorry for the rambling!

x

When my sister got married she was in the same dilemma, at the time my dad was on his high horse saying that he was her dad he should give her away, and it was spoiling the whole build up. In the end she had my brother give her away. Would only work if you had a brother though, or if your H2B has a brother that your close too.

Have you tried speaking to both of them? as chances are they are both wondering the same as you, they proberbly understand what a difficult choice you have.

Hope you manage to get it sorted

natc

Thank you rinroo. Its really nice to get advice from other ppl who dont know you. And to see that its not just me that has had this situation before. I can really imagine my dad being extremely morngy if my stepdad was to take me down. Ideally, would love to be really close to my dad, and have him walk me down the ailse, but thats not reality, and would want ideally my stepdad to walk me down, but dont wanna cause trouble and have atmospheres on my wedding day. Its really annoyed me that im feeling like this already, before ive actually planned it all! My bro will only be 14 when we get married,a nd OH dont have any bros, in fact, his dad would be a good choice to take me downthe aisle!!! hahaha... love him.

What was your sisters wedding like?

Little_Otter

I've been to a few small wedding recently, there were just as lovely, if not more intimate than the big showy weddings.
Out friends are very down to earth, and dont have much money (not to spend it all on one day) they got married at the local church, they had a sit down meal at a pub/restaurant not too far away (it was a carvery) there were speaches (the carvery place has its own old fashioned red london bus) which it picks everyone up from the church to take to the restaurant, after the meal and speaches, it took us all to the night time doo in a local working mens club, which had been decorated to look nice, and a friend DJ'd for the night and they had kareoke!! I think they only spent about 1.5k at most and we all ate at their expense (not drank) - but why should they pay for our drinks??
My Dad also had a small wedding in feb, registry doo, a few guests (about 10-12) then the family went back to his house afterwards, he bought us all takeaway food (about 8ppl including kids) then we went to our local cricket club (£50 a night hire) had a friend DJ for mates rate and a buffet!
NB she bought her dress from ebay and my dad wore a suit he already had

bluezone

natc wrote: »

splicecom - thanks! i have read some of her website before, its really good isnt it, i will have a proper peruse through it though now. Thanks

Louise,that was a lovely reply also, thank you so much! Im really liking the idea of walking down with bridesmaids, i just think that this will upset my dad, maybe even my stepdad, but im getting to point that i dont care about anymore! I can imagine my dad getting his lip out about it, but a friend of mine said to me the other day, that he cant just expect to be there on special days, a dad should be there always, so he doesnt deserve it.

I think for a hen do, i havent even thought about that much yet, but i think id just have some drinks in local with few close friends and family. or maybe have a lil party at home. Im not a big drinker either (ppl are guna think im a right borin !!!!!!!) but gotta do sumert at least....

I really dont think you need 20k to get married its so absurd! hahaha. the website splicecom told me to look at even says in there ya can get married for less than 1k if you wanted to. Just ppl being snobs, like my boss, hes an idiot!

Sorry to have offended anyone with my last remark!!! I aimed that purely to my boss, anyone who wants to spend that on a wedding is totally their choice, if you all knew my boss, you'd all think his values and morals are shameful!!!

Hi there, I know what you mean about having the big wedding. I have been married before and had the big do (well it cost 7K). I explained to my OH that obviously paying all this money and after 8 hours its all gone! I was quite happy to go awy somewhere but I can understand that his mum wants to see him get married in the church (although dont get me started on teh price - £695 with bells and no choir etc!!!)

Anyway I explained that my parents cant afford to pay for it and we certainly dont have the money so now we have gone into it 3 ways, his parents, my parents and us all putting in £2000 each. I have had to explain that some of his friends will just have to make do with coming in the evening cos we cant afford to pay out more money etc. I dont think he realised howmuch everything was gonna cost till I costed it all up and showed him the figures!!!! He wanted all the ushers to have the same shoes and cufflinks and chocolate fountains etc, I showed him the dress that I wanted that cost approx £1200 and showed him that I had managed to get it from Landy for £180 all in. Needless to say that unless the ushers buy the shoes and cufflinks themselves they wont be matching (he wants 4 ushers!!!)

Also I agree with the stag/hen do's they are getting more like a holiday! I had mine in this country for a lng weekend fri-mon and it prob cost £150 each (which most of that was paid a year before we went) but I thought that was expensive. OH best man booked the stag do which just for flights and accomodation cost £173 each and then they had to have spending money! One guy told his wife he couldnt go cos he would need at least £500 spending money!!!!! I know OH did not spend this cos we didnt have it!! Now the best man is on about having another stag do round the local area!!!!!! They want ot get a bus sorted out and everything - do some people have more money than sense??? His mum has asked wether or not I will have a couple of drink down the local as she couldnt come away for the weekend but thats it for me. Sorry for the rant .

Apologies for the rant again. I just wanted to say that I agree with you and you should have your day your way (obviously without being a bridezilla!)

On the point about your dad and stepdad, why dont you either walk down on your own or have your mum give you away. My dad has a bad heart and last time only just managed to walk me down the aisle so this time if he cant do it I have asked my nephew to be in stand by (he is 8 - should I be worried?)

Anyway let us know what you decide xx