Simple Small Wedding/Family Troubles!

natc

I cannot believe we MSE's write all our worries and troubles on here, but makes ya feel better!!!

Anyways, my OH and I are planning on getting married next yr 2010, sept time. We both want a small church wedding preferably and a little do afterwards. We both see a wedding as just being about 2 ppl who completely love each other getting married to hopefully spend the rest of our lives together and not just a big lavish, show off do! :eek:If it was just upto me, i would just go off to small church somewhere and get married on our own!!! (He wont have that, he wants his dad there!) My boss really annoyed me the other day, as i was discussing what kind of wedding i want, and he was amazed, saying, "what kind of a wedding you gunna be having???!!!" All because im not planning on spending 20k on my wedding day,and not having a sit down meal, and not having any speeches - snob!

We bought our house in 2006, and have just got back on track with money, no longer in debt and managing to save a fair sum at the end every month. We dont wanna get back into debt to pay for wedding, and are saving up for this over the next yr.

Could anyone reply with any small wedding experiences and and ideas of how to have a small but lovely little wedding??!!!

Also, another problem im having is the "giving away" part of the wedding.....i have a dad and a stepdad, more close to stepdad, my real dad hasnt been involved in my life enough, and would rather my stepdad do it, but i dont wanna cause loads of trouble, i know my real dad would be devestated if my stepdad did the job, and have even thought of having them both give me away (which could look weird avin 2 blokes walk down the aisle) or even just having my mum.....!!! Anyone else had this kind of problem before, and if so, what was the outcome???

Many thanks in advance and sorry for the rambling!

x

full-time-mum

I'd just like to say how refreshing it is to hear that not everyone buys into the mega wedding.

Over the years, we have watched weddings and hen/stag nights (week/ends) get more and more expensive and elaborate - its ridiculous the amount of money being spent. My OH has missed the last 3 or 4 stag parties he has been invited to simply because we can't afford them.

We had small hen/stag nights - at home for me and just down the pub for a few pints for OH. We did have a sit down buffet in a local hall with outside caterers - it wasn't a 5* gourmet thing but just good food served in good company followed by a disco.

As for the Dad thing, this is a little more tricky. How about having them both at the altar with the groom and best man and walking down the aisle on your own? Both Dads can then stand with you and be there to "give you away". Alternatively, just do away with the giving away thing - the idea of women being pocessions to be passed from man to man is archaic in any case. Speak to the vicar and see whether that line can be omitted.

Remember that, what ever you choose, it is your wedding and you should have the type of wedding you feel comfortable with. If, for example, fish and chips in wrappers on the seafront is your thing then go for it.

Congratulations and Good Luck.

*Louise*

Hi xxx

I am having a small and (hopefully) lovely wedding. 40 close family and friends, meal afterwards - then carrying through to the evening party with just the same people.

I have a mortgage and three kids and certainly don't have 20k to be flinging away on one day. You certainly shouldn't have to justify yourself to other people about what YOU want for your wedding day.

Stag/hen nights are more like holidays these days - people flying off to Prague/Amsterdam etc. We aren't bothering with things like that (it's and extra cou[le of grand saved straight away lol)

nat - about the 'giving you away' part. You can always just walk down yourself, or have your mum do it if you want. People worry too much about traditions and what others will think.If you have a reason for doing something and it will make your day special - then do it!

Good luck xxxx

splicecom

I read this the other day and felt that there was some useful ideas,
http://www.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/

natc

Aww thank you so much for your reply. The giving away thing has been really stressful so far, just thinking about it, and we havent even set a proper date yet! I really like ya idea of having my "2 dads" (!) stood at the bottom and me walking down alone, or with bridesmaids, im going to have my neice who will be 4, and my sister. That would be nice. Really wish that i could just have a simple family!!! And youre right, i need to comfortable with it all, otherwise it will spoil my day.

As for the mega weddings, its so not us, to us its about the marriage at the end of the day, as long we are married by the end of it, thats all that matters to me, and him hopefully! My OH is nervous already about saying his vows aloud, he gets panicky when having to talk in public, so there will def be no speeches, and thats fine by me! I just want a simple, but lovely lil wedding. It is our first wedding, im 25, hes 26 (and hopefully the last) so we both want a nice "white wedding", but for it to be about our marriage, not the do.

And hen/stag do's!!! OMG, they are ridiculous some of them! That, as you can tell, is not going to be a big thing for me either. I didnt go to one last year as it was going to be so expensive. Another girl i know had to rearange hers coz not a lot of ppl could make it as it was far away and going to be a dear do.

splicecom

wont let me post links because I am new but type cheap wedding success into google and it will come up first. xxx Congrats 2

natc

splicecom - thanks! i have read some of her website before, its really good isnt it, i will have a proper peruse through it though now. Thanks

Louise,that was a lovely reply also, thank you so much! Im really liking the idea of walking down with bridesmaids, i just think that this will upset my dad, maybe even my stepdad, but im getting to point that i dont care about anymore! I can imagine my dad getting his lip out about it, but a friend of mine said to me the other day, that he cant just expect to be there on special days, a dad should be there always, so he doesnt deserve it.

I think for a hen do, i havent even thought about that much yet, but i think id just have some drinks in local with few close friends and family. or maybe have a lil party at home. Im not a big drinker either (ppl are guna think im a right borin !!!!!!!) but gotta do sumert at least....

I really dont think you need 20k to get married its so absurd! hahaha. the website splicecom told me to look at even says in there ya can get married for less than 1k if you wanted to. Just ppl being snobs, like my boss, hes an idiot!

Sorry to have offended anyone with my last remark!!! I aimed that purely to my boss, anyone who wants to spend that on a wedding is totally their choice, if you all knew my boss, you'd all think his values and morals are shameful!!!

floss2

natc wrote: »

...... Im really liking the idea of walking down with bridesmaids, i just think that this will upset my dad, maybe even my stepdad, but im getting to point that i dont care about anymore! I can imagine my dad getting his lip out about it, but a friend of mine said to me the other day, that he cant just expect to be there on special days, a dad should be there always, so he doesnt deserve it.......

Maybe you could suggest to them separately (or together if you have an opportunity) that as you don't wish to favour one above the other, you would like them both to wait at the altar with your groom & his best man, while you walk down the aisle with your bridesmaids and they can both give you away...... Then if one says "Oh well actually I don't feel it's my place to do that" you can ask if they would be happy for the other to do it? That way it's their idea and not yours

natc

Ha! Floss2, my OH has suggested i have conversations with both of them separate and say id like them both to give me away, and see what they say....! I am going to consider both of those options, thanks. I like your idea of just having them at the altar waiting rather than them walking down together with me, that is a good idea!

Neeny82

My friend had both her dad and stepdad walk her down the aisle and it was really lovely for both of them!! They both felt really special and that is what she wanted because she loved them both very much. I also think the idea of having them both at the bottom of the aisle as you walk down to be a good idea.

When it comes to the wedding size, I don't think that people who want a big wedding are not bothered about the 'marriage' part of it. Like has been said - it is a personal choice and if you want a small and intimate wedding then that is fine, but so is having a large wedding. Friends and family are very important to me and my other half and we are blessed with a large group of both. This means that we would like them to share our day. We are having what you would probably view as a very big wedding - but that is based on the amount of people attending rather than us just throwing away loads of money for the sake of it. We have been very MSE is other areas to allow for the cost of the reception!

One of my close friends had her wedding 6 years ago and would change everything about it now (other than her husband) as her mother just took over and had everything she wanted rather than what they did! That is the most important part!

All the best for your wedding! x x

chickenpants

We are doing the same sort of thing in July this year and have the same sort of problems. We have been together since we were 16 (12 years) and had only put off getting married due to both of us having divorced parents with the fathers causing a lot of problems. We had decided to get married abroad this year just to avoid all the horid family members but have now decided that actually we just wont invite the ones we don't like and will do it here in England how we want it! It has all got to be arranged at the last minute so the next few months might be a bit of a nightmare!!!!

We are having a civil ceremony in a hotel with 15 guests. We may/may not follow this up with a meal - depends on cost. We are then going to have an eveing reception at the same hotel with about 60 guests - friends and family members who we get on with and have been a part of our lives only! We are not doing the white wedding thing as it is not for us - some people will look down on that but I am trying hard not to care!!!! I have a lovely silk dress which I have bought from monsoon for £100 and this is what I intend to wear. I don't really want to do the whole walking down the isle thing either as I don't like everyone looking at me so might do away with that to!!! We are paying for everything ourselves and need to do it on as small of a budget as possible.