Is anyone else in this situation?

CHRISTIE_2

Thank you for your 2 cents - trust me those thoughts are also in my mind. His name is not on the birth cert and it infuriates me that she is claiming. But what is done is done and unfortunately the woman gets to chose regardless of what the guy wants. I dont agree with it but then you should face up to the consequences of your actions, so I guess if I wasnt involved I would sit on the fence and can see both sides!

Thank you everyone - you are a huge help x

Loopy_Girl

CHRISTIE wrote: »

Thank you for your 2 cents - trust me those thoughts are also in my mind. His name is not on the birth cert and it infuriates me that she is claiming. But what is done is done and unfortunately the woman gets to chose regardless of what the guy wants. I dont agree with it but then you should face up to the consequences of your actions, so I guess if I wasnt involved I would sit on the fence and can see both sides!

Thank you everyone - you are a huge help x

Can I just play devil's advocate here for a second...if your b/f was so dead set on not having babies with this woman that, for his own peace of mind even though she was on the Pill, stuck a condom on the end of his pecker?

It's not fair to heap all the responsibility for her getting pregnant when he could have done something himself to prevent it.

She has every right to make a claim for CS as she didn't get herself pregnant and since he is clearly not going to be a Dad in any shape or form, he needs to know he can't walk away from his financial responsibility so easily.

The Pill isn't 100% effective, illness can make it less effective, people forget to take it, girls lie....the list can go on but men can be proactive in preventing pregnancy too.

CHRISTIE_2

Like I said, I see both sides and always have before I even got involved in this. It is easy for the guy to say he didnt want a child and she was meant to be on the pill and equally so for the girl to say he should have worn a condom. I don't think either person is more right than the other. However - now this situation has reared its head all I care about is seeing my boyfriend do the right thing for the child and for me to realise that he is (or not) a decent person. At the moment he wants to pay as little as poss under a private agreement and that does not sit well with me at all. Nor does the last 2 years of no payment and moreso the fact he didnt tell me!! :mad:

marksoton

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Can I just play devil's advocate here for a second...if your b/f was so dead set on not having babies with this woman that, for his own peace of mind even though she was on the Pill, stuck a condom on the end of his pecker?

.

I have to take exception to that Loopy. The exact same thing happened to me that happened to the op's boyfriend. When you are in what you think is a trusting longterm relationship ( as i thought i was was ) you make joint decisions about contraception.

When one party willfully deceives the other and takes away their choice as to whether a new life is created its simply not good enough to say the deceived should have done more about it.

I have and always will pay the CM for the child that was born as a result, but i will always feel anger towards the woman involved. She behaved in a despicable and quite possibly most selfish way a human can.

Soubrette

marksoton wrote: »

I have to take exception to that Loopy. The exact same thing happened to me that happened to the op's boyfriend. When you are in what you think is a trusting longterm relationship ( as i thought i was was ) you make joint decisions about contraception.

When one party willfully deceives the other and takes away their choice as to whether a new life is created its simply not good enough to say the deceived should have done more about it.

I have and always will pay the CM for the child that was born as a result, but i will always feel anger towards the woman involved. She behaved in a despicable and quite possibly most selfish way a human can.

markeston, I have read your story previously and your ex partner was indeed dispicable to deceive you - but I don't think anyone should give their !!!! buddy the same amount of trust to be honest.

Also she may well have been on the pill but had a bout of diarrhoea or something, we can't really tell from the bare bones of the story if it was a deliberate or accidental pregnancy on the part of the mother.

Sou

Loopy_Girl

marksoton wrote: »

I have to take exception to that Loopy. The exact same thing happened to me that happened to the op's boyfriend. When you are in what you think is a trusting longterm relationship ( as i thought i was was ) you make joint decisions about contraception.

When one party willfully deceives the other and takes away their choice as to whether a new life is created its simply not good enough to say the deceived should have done more about it.

I have and always will pay the CM for the child that was born as a result, but i will always feel anger towards the woman involved. She behaved in a despicable and quite possibly most selfish way a human can.

Your case is different Mark. This case was a case of casual shagging and as Sou says, the same amount of trust cannot - and should not - be given as you and your ex partner decided on.

I had a funny feeling you were going to say something about what I said but as I say, your case is entirely different.

This man didn't want a relationship with her, didn't love her and by all accounts was just a !!!!buddy as Sou says.
He probably didn't know that much about her (I'm guessing there weren't many deep and meaningful conversations going on!) and yet trusted her about contraception.

marksoton

Am i that predictable.... :rotfl:

Having reread the post both you and Sou are right.

Just goes to show what happens when a nerve is touched !

Loopy_Girl

marksoton wrote: »

Am i that predictable.... :rotfl:

Weeellllll...you are a man!!!!!!!!!:p

And of course Sou and I are correct - we're women!! *sigh*;)

When you you menfolk realise...........:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Soubrette

marksoton wrote: »

Am i that predictable.... :rotfl:

Having reread the post both you and Sou are right.

Just goes to show what happens when a nerve is touched !

I think you're lovely

As far as I can see you've never held the child responsible for the sins of the mother :cool:

As to biases we all have them, I've been trying to explain why I get so cross at the accusations of PWCs spending money willinilly on themselves as if they spend nothing on the children :rolleyes:

Again it hits a raw nerve with me and so I over react (and probably will continue to do so )

Sou

parkysaves

Sou, I too get cross at accusations or general feeling that PWC's are spending all the money on themselves. Maybe cos I am a PWC!!!!
I find myself correcting my ex when he rants about paying "me". I dont drink, smoke, I am a freecycle fan so most of my lovely (if I say so myself Lol!!) house is furnished free including laminate floor, carpet, wardrobe, clothes incl some for the kids. I keep a house over my kids head, I have a yr ticket for Legoland on clubcard points that we go to every few months, take walks and provide the kind of life I had as a child whilst teaching my children the value of NOT buying new, named clothes etc. Does my ex??? mmm... you guess Lol!!
In fact most of my money goes on Leccy, which i guess is the kids TV, lights left on, playstation etc Lol!!!!!

We can but do our best and if that's what we're doing for our children, they will make their own minds up when they're older and realise the value of love and time over anything.