No contact with child upcoming birthday

monicaj

Emmaizzy wrote: »

Could the maternal grandparents help? Could they help maintain the relationship even if for the short term it is only to pass on gifts and cards and messages if your OH cannot have telephone or other contact?

I have a friend who found out when she was 9 that her dad was not her real dad. When it all came out contact was dropped and her sibblings carried on seeing him but she was excluded. This was the only dad she had known since she was 6 months old. The dad did know he was not the biological dad as he married her mum when the little girl was 2 and adopted her.

She has always been very hurt by being dropped like this.

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Is your OH going to continue paying maintenance or is there another father on If you stepson has always had a good relationship with your OH I would urge you to try and continue the visitation and do everything you can to maintain it. Although I understand that you do not want to put the child in difficult situation now in case this is damaging now, in the long run it will be better for his son to continue the relationshipthe scene now? its none of my business but if you OH still wishes to be his father he should continue to pay the child support.

Hi

Thanks for your response to my question about the birthday gifts and thanks for sharing your friend's story, it is so so sad and this is exactly what we don't want to happen to my SS s

I didn't want this post to get confused with the Child Support thread, but as you mention it:

My husband will fight all the way to maintain his relationship with his son but it's going to be a really rough ride with the loss of parental responsibility and the mother behaving the way she has. He has no legal financial responsibility to pay any child support, but being the decent, honest person he is, is prepared to contribute outside the CSA, this will probably be by paying monies into a trust fund for the child's future, regardless of whether contact is maintained or not - one thing's for sure he isn't going down the "pay per view" route. I'm sure you can appreciate this is not a straightforward case, she will probably now persue the "real" father for CM in which case he will probably want some involvement in the child's life - Oh my goodness, my heart really aches thinking about what this poor child is going to have to deal with and we have NO influence whatsoever.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but emotions are really raw right now not only because my husband has been decevied emotionally but also financially to the tune of £30k but this poor child is also a victim of his mother's deceit and lies and we are trying to do the best for the child.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

I'd be really careful about turning up on the ex's doorstep with or without gifts. Due to her "irrational" behaviour & the loss of hubby's parental responsibilty, the ex may make this crisis worse and even get the Police involved. This could make life even more traumatic for your hubby's son.

Your hubby is unfortunatly caught in a potential no win situation and has to be so careful about what he does, says or thinks regarding his son & ex. Sounds like she is the kind of person to stamp on your ex at any given opportunity. Unfortuanatly, in the eyes of the law, your hubby has no rights. Morally he has rights, but the UK family court have to work in accordance to the law.

I really hope this situation turns out positive, however, sounds like it's going to be patience that wins in the end.

allIcouldwishfor

What a horrid situation. I would still try to get a gift to the boy though. Cards to me from my father were "returned to sender" by my mother without my knowledge, he kept all of them for over 20 years. I cried when I saw them. There are some helpful suggestions above on how to get a present to him and only you will know what's appropriate for your situation.

Good luck.

monicaj

Thanks All for your advice and support

We need to find a way of letting SS know that his "daddy" hasn't forgotten him............ this is SO difficult and right now, having discussed all the options we still don't know the best option. We don't want to add to any distress he may be going through right now and don't want to add fuel to to jeopardise any future court proceedings where my hubby will be seeking to maintain contact. Need some thinking time me thinks ..................

**kym**

does the child have a phone or email? young i know, but lots of 10 year olds do these days?!

could a present be dropped off via a school friend/teacher or like others have said a family member?

in the meantime i would suggest your husband writes his son a letter every week saying how much you both miss him and how sorry you are that this has happened, etc; yes his mother may not pass these letters on, but if contact ends while the child is young, guaranteed in a few years when his mind isn't controlled by his mother, he'll get in tuch to ask what happened and why you walked away - and your husband can say he tried his best, sent bday and christmas cards and presents and a letter every week - it will go a long way for your husband and a long way against the mother if she doesn't pass these things on.

so sorry about your situaion btw - you seem like really good people just trying to do the best for a child whose life is no doubt going to be in turmoil for a long time after this - can't believe the mother has been so selfish...

*hugs* to you and your family

jack*tigger

I know its the hols at the moment but maybe you could get a letter or birthday card to him via school.

KellyWelly

I would imagine the school wouldn't hand anything over to the child and would insist the parent came in and picked it up. I know our headteacher would make sure both parents didn't try it again as well. They can't get involved in that way.

Very sorry to you and your husband, OP. It just beggars belief that a mother could do such a thing to her own child. It's mental abuse.

MummyMoo

My daughters father has a son he has not seen since he was 9 months old (he's turning 10 this year). But since my daughter was born I do a card from her to her stepbrother for every birthday and christmas and a photo of the three of us at that point in time. Then if he does ever come to find us, or when he turns 18 and we can contact him, then he knows that all along we had him in our hearts. I know that sounds a bit soppy, but thats cos I grew up without a father too and this gesture would have meant more than I can express. Truely. Thats why we do it I know its not the same situation but both involve heartless mothers.