Would You Marry A Bad Debtor?

Smiley_Mum

Been there, done that, got the teeshirt. Very nearly had my ex transfer a huge debt of his onto an interest free card of mine. I've got a good credit rating and I'd have been left with his debt. No thanks. I've known guys who have been crap with money and just spend, spend, spend on credit cards etc and end up with a lot of debt etc. I knew of one who was very good with his money and he and his wife would have had a great retirement etc, he was well off. Then she pulled the plug and went off with the next door neighbour. Now she is busy extracting every last cent out of the poor guy. She's absolutely poison, had the misfortune to speak with her and she's a very unhappy person despite practically taking the shirt of the guy's back. If a guy has a good attitude towards money; canny without being miserable, and puts aside for a rainy day etc but likes to treat himself from time to time then no problem. If he's totally nuts with money and spends, spends, spends then no as there is obviously underlying issues that he needs to deal with and until that lightbulb moment arrives...

muddled_midget

I think it would depend on the circumstances of the debt, ie frittering the money away on the high life is different to having a poorly paid job and struggling to make ends meet. I think in the first case I probably wouldn't marry them, my reason being our outlooks on life are probably incompatable, apart from student loans, I've been brought up to believe if you want luxuries you work hard and save hard to get it, and find that's quite a good way to live. In the second case, our outlooks might be compatable, so I would consider marriage, but would prefer to sort the debts out before setting the date. It is a difficult one though, I do believe in love at first sight, well it was with me and boyf, I'm just lucky he's even more of a skinflint than I am!

queenofthedump

Bit of a shallow approach to this question but it depends what he looked like !!!! LOL

8pnoodles

I intend to!

Depends what you define as a bad debtor? Someone who is simply in a fair bit of debt, or someone who is continually getting into more debt?

My situation is I've got £7k ish left to pay off my debts. I should be out of debt by the end of the year. We want to get married but not until I've paid off MY debts. He's still gonna be in about £15-20k of debt by the time I'm out of debt.

But i know he's paying it off, he's paid about £10k so far.

I asked him recently if he wanted me to help him pay off his debts once we're married. We talked long and hard about it. He's basically said no, he said if we did (not that we're planning to!) split up, then he wouldn't be in a position to pay it all back to me.

So I'm going to use the spare cash I would have paid off his debts with every month to go into a savings account to save up for a deposit for a house.

It makes huge financial sense for us to marry, he's in the forces so we'd get dead cheap accomodation, less than half the rent I'm paying now for a room in a shared house, and it'd get us a 2/3 bed house!

Plus he pays a fortune in petrol to come see me at the moment. If we were living together then we wouldn't have to pay out so much every weekend just to see each other!

Spent £32 on a train ticket and £58 on a hotel room this weekend to spend one night with him. It's killing us!

crawley_girl

Like other's comments, I would need to see that his attitude to money had changed and had a realistic plan to repay the debt... but yes, I would!

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

bad_doo

Would I marry someone with a lot of debt, yes. I grew up with old school values of male = bread winner, so would not mind in the least paying for everything, life would not be luxurious but we would survive.

I would make sure we kept a check on what was being spent though and that she was keeping up with the payments to her creditors as I wouldnt be able to afford to make them for her. She would have to work to do that, once they were settled her income could then be used for the luxuries we would have missed out on while she was paying her debt.

roswell

Surely if your going to marry someone its "Perminant" there for if they are a bad debt and that bothers you maybe you should end it now ..... if it bothers you that much it is.

if not go for it.

Tondella

I'm marrying one in September! All my "debt" (see signature) was technically his, I always knew he has some on the credit cards, but only a rough idea of how much. When we got engaged I asked him to be straight with me and together we put together a debt-free plan. I drew up budgets for both of us and together we are paying off the debts, and I'd say about half of them are sat on my credit cards at the moment. Of course, if we had had the conversation and he had been very secretive, or defensive about it then we might not still be getting married, but I have known OH for six years now and have a pretty good measure of him. I trust him through and through and paying off the debts together is the quickest and most efficient way of clearing them, so that we can get on with our life together. It will also work out in the long run as he has a very good pension and I am sure will be providing for both of us when we start a family in the future.

We won't have cleared the debts before we get married, but they will be gone about a year later. I didn't want to wait for it to be official, we have a strict budget for the wedding, and there are some financial incentives to be married (entitlement to married accomodation, assistance with commuting etc).

Working through this has brought us closer together, he has a complete sea change in his attitude to money and is well on the way to becoming an ardent MSE-er and I am confident that we now have the same attitude to money and spending.

fairylights_2

Yes, no question at all. If you love someone, it's a small part of the big picture.

I worked on the assumption with OH that he was it, and whatever baggage he had (as with Tondella, most of our debt was in his name) was something to work out together. It really has made us work together, and we trust each other with almost everything now - although his dad cleared his mum out when he had an affair and she kicked him out, so OH is a bit nervous about joint accounts all the way. I can understand that.

I have to say in the last seven months our marriage has gone from strength to strength, and being nearly there now I think we could pretty much withstand anything. :iloveyou: OH! :happylove

System

I would, but on the understanding that I took over the finances because theres no way he would be bringing me into further debt.

My ex neighbour was evicted from her house because her husband had debts and hadnt paid the mortgage for months. I would hate to have been in her position.