Teenage & Parent Contract

skintchick

bestpud wrote: »

Wow, he has you well and truly wrapped around his little finger doesn't he?

It is obvious his stomach is not that bad, or neither of you would be agreeing he must use the time to do course work!!

He has not learnt to take responsibility for his actions because you have always stepped in and taken over. He knew he'd reached the end of the line with that piece of coursework and hoped it would be fine if he was 'ill', but it didn't work because his teacher got on the phone.

So he, rather than getting off his butt and getting the work in, calls the cavalry, and in she charges.

You may have been cheesed off and you may have had a bit of a go at him, but it will have been water off a duck's back because he was only interested in you doing as you were told, like a good little mummy, and taking his work into school for him.

There is no way I would do what you did today I'm afraid. He'd have been told to get the work in or fail and I'd have made it very clear who was failing and whose life chances may be affected.

Seriously, step away from his school work; you are doing him no favours whatsoever!

If he fails, then so be it. It is his life and he must learn to face consequences.

As parents we are there to encourage our children all the way, but when we start taking full responsibility for their school work, something has gone very wrong.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant.

I hope the contract works but personally I feel it is more of the same. You simply cannot keep pushing him, kicking and screaming, in the direction you want him to go. When will you stop? Will you wake him up for work in the morning or go to interviews with him when he is 30?

I don;t totally agree with all this. I was dreadful at doing schoolwork when I was in my teens. I'm very intelligent (eligible to join MENSA) but I never quite got the point of school. I had a job in a supermarket at 16 for which I'd get up and go without fail, but I'd often not finish homework. I was the same at college, and told my tutors that once I had a job it would be different, and it was.

Working had a point I couldn;t see in schoolwork, and I worked hard. I'm now 34 and have a good career, husband and baby on the way, I'm respected by colleagues and I got an email only yesterday from someone I was working with (last day at that placewas yesterday ) saying: Can I just personally thank you for all the work you have done for our team. Although you haven’t been there for very long you’ve made a huge impact and really structured things well. You’ve always been very easy to approach and a real ‘problem solver’.

Would people say that of a useless layabout? No!

Your son may be just like me (although I was academically minded and still am). And my mum DID phone me every morning when I first got a full-time job and moved out of home as she was worried I wouldn;t get up otherwise and I don;t see that as a major failing!

Some people just don;t 'get' school but they do 'get' work - perhaps the OP's son is one of those people (like me)?

Chuzzle

Skintchick.....yes I think My son is just like you he doesn't get school at all, yet in his part time job he is completely different person. When I speak to his boss about him I often wonder if they are talking about the same person. I think maybe yesterday I was having a bad day and it didn't help with finding out about the lack of coursework being done etc etc. I'm looking back at it today and thinking I probably over re-acted abit. I too am intelligent but didn't make anything of myself (although I am now at the age of 36), didn't do homework through school either - how I managed to get 2 C grades I really don't know - the rest were d's, e's & f's which I can justify through lack of work and revision etc. My parents never really took much interest in my homework so I guess I maybe going a little too much the other way with my son. I just don't want him to be a lay about no hoper for the rest of his life. And I certainly won't wake him up for work or be with him at interviews as a previous person commented. Did I really come across as that kind of a person? :eek:

Savvy_Sue

I have bright boys who can't see the point of all their school subjects. And that definitely included DT.

They knew that 'failing' Maths and English wasn't an option, and we (me, each boy and school) put a fair bit of work in to ensure that didn't happen - not that they were ever in danger of failing Maths, but the English mock results had alarm bells ringing!

So pick your battles, decide what really matters, and concentrate on that. I'm guessing your son doesn't need 12 GCSE A grades, but he WILL need at least a C in Maths and English, and he WILL need to do as well in science as he can. Mucking about in the few lessons that remain isn't an option, but concentrating his efforts on what's going to matter for the future HE wants would be fine by me ...

Poppy9

One thought popped into my head is that your son was physically sick because he had become so stressed with the situation regarding some of his course work.

It's all very easy to say "well he should have done, should have planned ahead" etc. and "I should have been tougher on him" but they are like us all and sometimes we all get overwhelmed by having to do things we don't like, don't understand etc. and lose motivation and then panic.

Personally I think it's more important you help him learn to understand stress and how to deal with it.

My DD is 14 (Y9) but in Y7-8 she found D&T really stressful and I could see at home she was in a complete panic because she didn't like using the machinery, she was slow at it and behind and often asked to give up her lunch hour to finish projects etc. She would be tearful, unable to sleep and running around like a blue assed fly in the evening. I took charge to remove this stress.

I explained that she couldn't be good at everything and providing she did her best in lesson time then that's all anyone could ask. I wrote a short note to her D&T teacher explaining she found making X item stressful and I would prefer if she had to finish the work she did so at home with my support (it was sewing a bag and I have a sewing machine) but that she didn't give up her lunch hour unless 100% necessary as it made her feel pressurised during school hours and affected other lessons that day.

Now she can see that soon D&T will be a thing of the past as she does her options next year and has learnt to accept that all round brilliance is not necessary and she applies herself to those subjects she needs and is good at she isn't so stressed. She does still have the odd panic she hasn't revised enough etc. but it's good panic as in getting her motivated not bad panic as in she doesn't know what to do or where to start.

Chuzzle

The thing is DT & Science are the ONLY subjects at school my son excells in! Right from the first year at high school he has had glowing reports in these subjects always getting top marks in all his projects. His teachers have even commented that over the past 12 months he is a different boy and they'd like the old one back!

I don;t think the sickness was down to panic, he is far too laid back to allow anything to panic him ..... it turns out he'd eaten some out of date (4 days!)coleslaw that he's found lurking in the back of the fridge.

So far so good though, he came to me this morning with his exam timetable and asked me to help him make some flash cards to help him revise.

Savvy_Sue

Ruthibe73 wrote: »

I don;t think the sickness was down to panic, he is far too laid back to allow anything to panic him ..... it turns out he'd eaten some out of date (4 days!)coleslaw that he's found lurking in the back of the fridge.

:rotfl: Boys, eh!

OK, well, hopefully, he's learned his lesson. Although having 3 boys so laid back they were practically horizontal about their GCSEs, I wouldn't hold your breath.

Good news is that coursework must be nearly out of the way now, so any last minute panics will be about exams and you won't have to drop everything to sort him out.

Just try to find a balance between doing enough revision and exam practice to pass the English as well as the sciences! :rotfl:

And Poppy, you are SO lucky - ours HAD to do a DT at GCSE, the school is convinced that it is good for them, and makes them well-rounded individuals. Mine all hated it with a passion, didn't 'get it' at all. Two did Food Tech, I vividly remember the eldest telling me at 10 pm that he needed to cook the next day, so I made some sugestions about what he might cook (based on what we had in the house, remember!) and he then said he needed to do a 'development' of what he'd done the previous week. This wouldn't have been so bad if he'd known what a 'development' looked like, but he claimed not to.

DS2 did graphics, but eventually refused to do any more cutting out and colouring in of shapes, on the quite reasonable grounds that it was boring and pointless.

Mine will NOT be designers! :rotfl:

Poppy9

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

And Poppy, you are SO lucky - ours HAD to do a DT at GCSE, the school is convinced that it is good for them, and makes them well-rounded individuals. Mine all hated it with a passion, didn't 'get it' at all. Two did Food Tech, I vividly remember the eldest telling me at 10 pm that he needed to cook the next day, so I made some sugestions about what he might cook (based on what we had in the house, remember!) and he then said he needed to do a 'development' of what he'd done the previous week. This wouldn't have been so bad if he'd known what a 'development' looked like, but he claimed not to.

I know. It would have been a disaster for her as she would have either ended up stressed out or wasting time during lessons. She just grew out of the enjoying making things phase. She doesn't even want to help make cakes now, she just wants to lick the bowl out!

nearlyrich

You think it ends when they start work, my DD was ringing me for advice on her presentation for the last two days...fortunately it all went well.

I took the approach with my two that anything after 16 in school was their choice and they were therefore responsible for doing the best they could in the subject. I also agree that you can't be good at everything and if you are not the best at something you shouldn't be made to feel inferior, I was hopeless at sports except cross country running so tennins and netball were torture sessions for me.

As for the OP and her son, he has a goal, he needs guidance to find his way to that goal, break it down into what he needs to do and get him to work out ways to get there. If he takes responsibility for his future it will be a lot easier all round. You also mentioned his room and mealtimes washing etc, no reason why he can't cook for the family once or twice a week and do the family wash in turn, that's what happens here and it seems to work to ensure everyone works as a team. Good luck it's not easy being a parent is it?