Support for people with Depression

Miroslav

blaque*angel - Will have a read up on it. Welcome along to our little home on the web.

Glad Daniel is home, Shaz. Best of luck for the 3rd. You have nearly 3 weeks, so try and relax as much as possible in that time. Easier said than done, but not alot you can do until then.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!




Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
*peeks though the catflap to make sure they haven't gone and bought a goggy!*
Ahem...only me folks. How is everyone doing?
Okay, who's in charge around here? Where'd everyone go? Don't you know that half the clan are on ASBOs?! I can understand maybe mislaying the odd post - but half a whole thread?!! Now that's just being downright careless!

Firstly, a sincere Tiffy to b3nton (b3), ossian (ossy) and blaque*angel (b*a). I'm sure the thread's guardian angels , have helped you settle in and I look forward to getting to know you. Feel free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

All due apologies for not having stopped in, guys. I was going to try and post earlier in the week, but then I caught sight of Martin's last poll in the right hand column on the page. I just glanced at it at first and then fled in panic.Well, would you have come in?!

MSE wrote:

Poll: What do you want on a car’s backside?

Really must get my eyesight checked!!!

I won't hold up the thread with my reasons now - I just hope that the dear friends I've neglected here, including missys sazzy, ettie b, gem, beth, shaz, cb2, jo, ccstar, rose, lm, katie-tulip, wvw, rox and indeed, mr.miro, will understand and forgive me once they've read ''The Tiff Chronicles - Part 10''. Been having a very tough time, tbh.
Anyhoo, there are more pressing matters than that for now. It's great to see you guys posting again - everyone's problems are important here.
Hmmm...So what can the Tiffster try to start everyone's Monday off right? I know - try this...
http://www.hereinreality.com/funnystuff/cool.html


Annoying, isn't it?!

A joke maybe?
Under the Influence
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.
Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ''I slept with your mom last night!''

Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

Again, he hears, ''Your mom was good in bed last night!''

Again, he tries to ignore it. The man is just about to speak again, but the guy stops him and says,


''Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

-
All right - I can take a hint!
Wishing you all a good day and safe journeys. Be kind to yourself guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

shazrobo

hi tiff, good to see you back, how are you hun?
love your cat pics, they always brighten up my day
hugs
shaz xxx

Tiff_2

Hi shaz!
Hey hunnie, how are you? I know - stupid question, isn't it?
I read about the weekend events with daniel just this morning and I really feel for you, angel. Even though you deserve the biggest hugs, I think you could also use some information and I've been squirreling away down in the Tiff archives this morning, rooting around to see what I could find. I'm sorry if it's information you already have, shaz.
Before you read the information listed, please bear in mind that these resources look at the whole spectrum of situations and possibilities and some may apply to you and some won't! So read carefully before you panic, hun: it's a lot of links and information ranging from the minor to the serious. Remember I'm not a professional hunnie, so always double check everything yourself and get advice before making any decisions.

I started with 'old faithful' and went into the MIND files. Here is the link for their advice line. I think it would be a good idea to call them hunnie, as they can possibly pinpoint any help or further resources available for your personal situation quickly.
MindinfoLine
Mind, PO Box 277, Manchester M60 3XN
tel: 0845 766 0163
email: [EMAIL="info@mind.org.uk"]info@mind.org.uk[/EMAIL]

Also with MIND, I think you may find these links interesting and hopefully informative...
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Rights+guide/rg2.htm
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Rights+guide/Mind+rights+guide+5.htm


This site may be able to point you in the direction of additional help with the relevance to daniel's mental health issues and the situation.
National Autistic Society
Head Office, 393 City Road, London EC1V 1NG
tel: 020 7833 2299 (admin); helpline 0845 070 4004
website: www.nas.org.uk
Champions the rights and interests of all people with autism and provide individuals with autism and their families with help, support and services.

I looked for information relevant to your local area regarding help when I came across this next information. For the life of me, I can't remember which site I found it on even though it was this morning but I didn't look up solicitors, so they were on one of the help sites. I think they may have experience in situations involved in mental health. So I stress here that I am not endorsing them in any way hunnie and I don't know anything about them. Remether firms may do the same thing.

''Switalskis Solicitors
Under Arrest?
If you are placed under arrest, Switalskis Solicitors could help you. All advice in the police station is free of charge, and Switalskis Solicitors operates a 24 hour emergency service to ensure that our clients are represented in police custody. On arrival at the police station, the police should ask you if you wish to have a legal representative contacted on your behalf. If you ask for Switalskis Solicitors we will ensure that one of our specialist Solicitors or Accredited Police Station Representatives speaks to you immediately and thereafter attends at the police station to assist you in any interview.''
Address
19 Cheapside
Wakefield
West Yorkshire
WF1 2SD
Telephone: 01924 882000
Out of hours Emergency Contact Telephone
07850 582427


And here is the link for your local Mental Health Advocate, shaz...
http://www.cloverleaf-advocacy.co.uk/temp/mental%20health.htm

It may seem an odd reference in this situation, but it may also be a good idea to contact CAB: www.adviceguide.org.uk
They can help you with information on legal rights and advice.


Here is a link to tell you about the Youth Justice Board in England. It explains the youth justice system to you for various scenarios - so remember to read selectively hunnie. The justice system will probably take into account damiel's mental health and circumstances in their actions. Hopefully this link may answer some of the questions you're bound to have.
http://www.yjb.gov.uk/en-gb/yjs/TheSystem/


And for you shaz hun, a different link. Please be reassured that you will be far from the first person to be in your situation and that these people will give you all the help or information to support you regarding court etc.; they'll go with you and walk you through everything first. I know he's your son angel, but you are still a victim and the more support you get for yourself, the more likely you are to be in a better position to help both yourself and daniel.
http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/vs_england_wales/index.php

Before the case goes to court, they'll probably want various reports made on daniel's situation. I'm sure you're doing it already, but as soon as you can, contact all the professionals involved in daniel's care - drs, social worker etc. - and bring them up to date.
I can't stress enough that you aren't the first person to be in this position angel and I know you are feeling torn apart over it. Other folks have been in your position. You're a fantastic mum to the boys and have no reason at all to feel guilty. If it helps, try and remember that the decision to prosecute wasn't yours, so no guilt trips, okay? I know you'll have them anyway but just try and remember this point.

And now probably the hardest part of all this to write. Feel free to tell me to ''tiff off'' if I offend you with these points angel. Please know that I'm not judging daniel or yourself or the system or telling you what to do in what I want to say here - I'd never do that to you sweetheart.
You've had a very hard time raising the twins alone and doubtless needed more help than you ever got. You really are an amazing soul, shaz. My main concern here is that you're all safe, and all getting the help you deserve. We know this isn't the first time that this has happened and thank God, no-one has been seriously hurt. It's hard to see into the future and you can't predict future events but you may need to consider what may happen when he's bigger and older.
You may - and I stress may - have some difficult decisions to make hunnie and if you do, try and do what you have always done - what is best for daniel and josh and yourself. If you have any decisions to make, take your time thinking about them and consult the professionals involved in daniel's care. Some choices may include a higher level of care for daniel, which might leave you feeling guilty and unwilling to take them. If these choices arise hunnie, try not to react immediately and focus on the main objective: the best way to help daniel and the family. Sometimes these choices feel so bad to us but in reality, they may be the best solution. An example of this would probably be when you had to decide on whether to accept week day boarding and just having your son home at weekends and holidays. You agreed and it seemed to work well but I am sure you must have missed him terribly and it was a hard choice for you to make. Am I making any sense, hun?
Being a mother and having to make decisions that are best for everyone is a hard and thankless task. No-one could doubt how much you love your sons and the boys know this and they do love you too, hunnie.

Doubtless for the next few days at least, you'll be in shock and have a whole rollercoaster of emotions hitting you. Try and hang in there and remember that everything will calm down and settle again at some point. It may be a good idea to see your dr and tell him how you're feeling. Now more than ever, it's important to get as much support and help for yourself to help you get through this. If I know you as much as I think I do - please tell me if I'm wrong shaz hun? - you're a true survivor and you'll probably be strong on the surface and deal with it all and then fall apart when no-one is looking and after the crisis is over.
I know we're all 'virtual people' on here, but the very nature of this thread brings us close to each other and you will never be alone, shaz. We're always here for you angel. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help hunnie - any letters need writing etc., anything. If nothing else, I can be counted on to provide hugs and daft cat piccies!
Keeping you in my thoughts hun. Be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

shazrobo wrote: »

hi tiff, good to see you back, how are you hun?
love your cat pics, they always brighten up my day
hugs
shaz xxx

Hi shaz angel!
Just saw your post. Thanks for the kind words hunnie. As to how I am, a goggy would say it's been ''ruff''! lol
I hope you didn't mind me posting re daniel sweetie.
As always hun, it's good to see you too. (HUG)
You look after yourself angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi miro!
A longer reply coming soon hunnie - I'm so glad you're posting. If you'd like me to do some tiffing re your benefits situation miro, I'm more than happy to do so. Just put up some info for me, okay hun?

miro wrote:

I've applied for a T-shirt Katie. Let's see if my luck has changed, briefly

Is this what you meant, angel?




Be kind to yourself sweetheart.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi millie!
How are you, angel? Sincere apologies for the tardy reply, millie and again welcome to the thread. Let's have a look hunnie.

millie wrote:

Hi everyone, I've a feeling this may be a long post so please bear with me. I have suffered on and off with depression since I was 18 (I am now 36), was hospitalised back then but fortunately managed to turn my life around, become a nurse and now have a job in private industry, married with 2 kids, but it reared its ugly head again when I had my first child 10 years ago, since then I have very much tried to lead a normal life. I work hard and have a supportive husband, when my children were babies I had PND and had medication on and off, then my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and I lost her last year. I have managed to not spiral downwards again despite my grief and I guess for quite some time I have been ignoring the signs.
I do feel so incredibly low and its starting to affect my work, I am finding it hard to concentrate and I am not doing my job properly, this is causing me to be more stressed, I have this fear I will lose my job and then we really will be up the creek even though so far my manager has not noticed anything different in my work.
I miss my mum terribly, try hard to support my dad, feel lonely and incredibly sad and am not sure what to do really. I don't know if I am depressed again or if I am just low.
I am struggling just to keep things going at the moment, the house is a mess but I have no motivation to sort it out, hubby is fantastic and I really don't know how he puts up with me.
I just feel I have no motivation or energy to do anything, I am fed up of being sad and low all the time and putting on a brave face. I haven't been to the doctors yet because I'm not really sure what to say

Right, so we've established that you're a superhero, millie. You've been through a lot and you sound like a true survivor to me. This is probably the time when you're feeling the worst about yourself and find it hard to praise yourself but it's just the time you need and deserve it, so I'll do it for you! Before anything else, you should feel incredibly proud of all that you've managed to achieve both with your family and work despite having enduring mental ill health, sweetheart. You've shown a lot of courage, hun and things will change, as everything does.

Breaking everything down into Tiff-sized pieces, and although they are all affecting each other, you're talking about three areas here, hunnie:
- your grief
- your job
- your health

Grief
I am so sorry that you lost your mum last year hun. I can empathise because my mum's funeral was on 20th January this year and tbh, it sounds like you're doing much better than I have in coping. You've done well not to spiral downwards due to your grief, but there's nothing wrong with these feelings suddenly coming to the fore. It sounds like you're a very practical person and I think maybe your way of coping with your grief was to pick up with your hectic life and carry on - something familiar to fill the days. Please feel free to tell me if I'm wrong, millie. It may be a case of thinking you had dealt with the grief and found some relief through having your busy life, or it may be a case of burying something that was too painful to deal with at the time. In a way this doesn't matter so much because the most important thing is you want to ask for help now. You said yourself that you've been ignoring some signs and as tends to happen, they start to shout louder at us if we ignore them.

Work
Nursing is a stressful field at the best of times millie and it's natural that you're being affected at work as well as in the other areas of your life when you're unwell. I'm sure you wouldn't put any patient at risk hunnie and I can sympathise with the distress you're feeling about work and money. There's never a right time to be ill and one of the first things we worry about is being unable to work and pay bills. Yet if we'd got a physical, visible illness and couldn't work due to it, we'd have no choice but to stop work for a while to recover. But because it's invisible and because it's our mental health, we tend to try and fool ourselves into thinking we can manage, which only adds to our stress. By delaying getting any help for ourselves, we're just prolonging our problems and possibly hindering a quicker recovery than we might get if we hadn't let the illness build up so much. Nothing is worth risking our health for, hunnie.

Health
I'm not a professional of any kind angel, so please feel free to ignore my comments, but I'd say that it doesn't sound like it's just a case of feeling down because it's lasting for a long period of time and also because it sounds as though your mood is very low and you're struggling to manage your routine. Depression makes grief worse and it's the same the other way around. I think you've tried the 'brave face' tactic for long enough and it sounds as though now you are realising that you do need some help.

Family
Your hubby puts up with you because he loves you. Try not to bring yourself any lower by diluting his love for you with any depressive thoughts. Accept it for what it is and let him love you - you deserve it. It's so important to keep communicating with hubby, millie. I know we often feel reluctant to reach out because we feel we're being a burden yet again, but if it was the other way around, wouldn't you want to know how he was feeling so that you could support him? There should be no limit on the amount of love and support we can get from people who love us. If you're as close as you portray hunnie, you'll probably find that he's been picking up on little clues already.

Imho, there are four things you need to do now sweetheart.
- please see your gp as soon as you can. As you'll know from past experience millie, your dr is the gateway to many resources. As for not knowing what to say, we usually find ourselves feeling this way and we go and end up leaving the drs having been in floods of tears and telling them everything except our bust measurement and the cat's name! You've expressed yourself really well here and I think the perfect solution would be to print off your post and hand it to the dr to read. This is a good idea because we tend to be completely honest about our situations when we post on here. The professionals will help with any depression or grief issues and may even be very discreet about what they put as your illness on any 'sick note' you may need. That way, you'll maintain your privacy with work if that's a concern. Go on hun, pick up the phone.

- talk to hubby so that you have some relief from carrying all this weight by yourself. In fact, talk to the people who are closest to you if you can so that they have the chance to understand what you're going through and support you too. Tell your dr you are worried about possibly having to stop work. When you've seen your dr, hopefully you'll have a clearer idea of what should happen with work and you can then talk to your manager.

- I don't know what the situation is with your dad and family angel, but if you can't manage then social services adult team may be able to share the load with you. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help and I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you suffer in silence.
Here are some links that may be helpful:
http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/AdviceSupport/

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/index.htm

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/HealthAndSupport/ArrangingHealthAndSocialCare/DG_4000436

- it may help to contact CAB for help with your financial worries or the prevention of them due to your health issues or your rights if you have to take a break from work for a while. They can negotiate on your behalf and represent you if it will help you. Here's their website:
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/

You probably won't feel much better until you've seen your dr hunnie. They can at least reassure you and also get you started on any help you need. I know it can be hard to go back and ask for help again but that's what they are there for. And if it helps, imho, you're a strong soul who's got a good track record of bouncing back and recovering.

Okay, I'll shut up now angel! I hope something here helps, millie - let us know how you get on.
But most importantly of all, be kind to yourself hunnie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Jo_R_2

Hi there Tiff, we were wondering where you'd got to! :wave:

I think I'm having the black cloud coming over me again. I've done everything I can to justify why I have been feeling down, and I know there's a lot happening for me right now so it's understandable that I do feel stressed at the very least, but it's probably time to admit that yes, I don't feel as on top of things as I should.

I haven't ever really told anyone this but I have a habit of pulling my hair out. Nothing major at the moment that you can see, but after having DD1 I had a patch the size of a 50p right on the front of my hairline, which I told people and the health visitor was how my hair had fallen out a little too much after having DD1 (for those who don't know, you appear to lose a LOT of hair a little while after you have a baby, as you stop shedding as much when you are pregnant and your body catches up later on.)

I've started doing that again more than I would like, and I've developed this compulsion where I wash my hands a LOT of times a day as I'm pretrified I'll pass germs on to baby. It does get in the way sometimes I have to say.

I also feel down quite a bit, and sometimes I just feel, well, empty. That's how I feel at the mo. Then sometimes I go from one extreme to another and it's quite unnerving to feel great one day, on top of the world and super organised and upbeat, to feeling utterly despondent and useless the next. I don't know what that means but I don't like it.

I phoned the health visitor this morning but it was an answerphone so not been able to talk with her yet.

Feel sorry for DD2, I wish I could engage with her more sometimes but it's so hard, I love her loads, she's such a little character and so full of life and very loving but I often feel I can't manage looking after her and give her as much attention as she needs and deserves.

I'm off to see what I can make of the day.

Horasio

I feel so down today

Everything seems so pointless and repetitive.

Every time I feel OK, someone deflates or hurts me.

I can't do it any more.