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Dont know where to turn!

Hello there,

I have been reading and using some of these tips for a couple of months now and after the initial high of feeling in control again (i.e. freebies, cc transfers) I have now hit rock bottom again.

To cut a long story short, hubby in Army, I dont work and hate the place we have moved to. Through boredom I started gambling and have now pushed credit limits to the hilt and owe approx 25k on credit cards along with two loans. I am thoroughly ashamed of myself and sit here crying whilst typing this through shame and guilt over what I have done to my family (3 children). Hubby has 5 yrs left in Army having completed 22 yrs and as of then we will have no home. I am looking for jobs but this will effect my carers allowance for my diabetic daughter and also WFTC.

Wot do I do now???? Outgoing still more that incomings and cant see a way out. Hubby doesnt know the real extent of the damage but I have told him how much we/I owe. He is standing by me. He so much wants us to be looking for our own home with a mortgage!!! before he leaves Army (as without his job will make it almost impossible). Therefore is my dilemma, dont know what I can do that wont black mark our credit rating for mortgage purposes.
Someone please help.
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Comments

  • annmatkat
    annmatkat Posts: 22 Forumite
    ((((Hugs))))
    People here will help you, you have done the hardest part already by facing up to it. Well done!!
    Your husband sounds great, you have a family that loves you.
    The help will come soon (I don't know enough about this), hang in there!!
    annmatkat
  • Gerradene
    Gerradene Posts: 179 Forumite
    welcome to MSE :j


    The first thing the people on here will need in order to help is a SOA (statement of affairs) where you write your incomings & outgoings per month and then list all you debts, balances and their APRs.

    Then we can start to give you practacal advice

    Big hugs to you, you have done the right thing posting on this board
    Official DFW Nerd Club member no. 019 :D
  • KatrinaC_2
    KatrinaC_2 Posts: 532 Forumite
    Hello there,

    Someone please help.

    Welcome to MSE! First, take a deep breath and we will see what we can do to help.

    You need to post a statement of affairs detailing your incoming money and your outgoing money to see where your money goes and whether we can help you cut back any.

    The more detailed it is, the better.

    Kat
  • CLAPTON
    CLAPTON Posts: 41,865 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    You have made the first vital step in accepting the problems.
    Before any useful advice can be offered more financial details are needed.
    If you have been following this board will be know about SOA's (statement of account) which list all your income, all outgoing and details of debts (amount outstanding, monthly repayments, aprs).
    Also can you say if the debts are in your name only or are some in hubbys name.
    Have you defaulted on any of the repayments or are they up to date.
  • skintchick
    skintchick Posts: 15,114 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    (((hugs)))

    Get yourself some help from these guys:

    http://www.gamanon.org.uk/

    Also, can you address the boredom issue?

    Please don't panic - Ms_London paid off 19k in a couple of years so you can too!!!

    Like others have said, we need your SOA then we can start helping.
    xx
    :cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool:
    :heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
  • Thanks all, just trying to pull myself together enough to do this SOA, so here goes.

    Please bear in mind that hubby is paid on a daily rate so each months pay varies slightly. Also rent,life/pers accident insurance, council tax and a loan payment to Halifax for 175.00 (x39 payments remaining) is automatically deducted from his pay before we even get it so there is no haggleing figures there.

    Total Incomings

    Hubbys Salary approx 1275.00 (take home pay)
    Working Families Tax Credit 171.75
    Carers Allowance 192.80
    Disability Liv Allowance 226.40
    CSA (from previous marriage) 350.00
    Child Benefit 159.20
    TOTAL INCOME 2375.15 (This is on a 31 day month)

    OUTGOINGS

    Home Insurance 65.04
    Tesco Loan 354.39 (22 Payments remaining)
    Car Insurance 35.83 (over 9 mnths, we have 3 months grace at present)
    Gas/Elec 60.00
    Dog insurance 10.99
    TV Licence 10.54
    HSBC CC 112.00 min pay (Bal 3750.00 0% x9 months)
    AMEX CC 302.00 min pay (Bal 10041.79 4.9% life balance)
    MBMA CC 65.00 min pay (Bal 4858.24 2.9% x 2mth/3.9% x 4mnth)
    Egg cc 150.00 Direct Debit (Bal 4971.58 15.9%)
    Capital One CC 75.00 min pay (Bal 2922.72 21.9%)
    Tesco CC 50.00 (Bal approx 600.00 15.9%)
    NTL Phone/Cable/ISP 62.51 approx
    Hubby Mobile 30.00 approx
    My Mobile 30.00 approx
    Tesco Saving Stamps 20.00
    Car Tax Stamps 15.00
    Food 333.50
    cigarettes 133.00 Have cut right down and still trying
    Weekend Trip for kids 60.00
    petrol 140.00
    MOT 22.00
    Xmas/Birthdays 132.50
    Float (Emergency) 30.00
    Dog fees 15.00
    Council Gym Hubby 20.00
    Haircuts 19.00
    Dentist 4.00
    Daughter Netball club 8.00
    School Trips 7.00
    Lunch Moneys 11.50
    Husband Mess Bills 15.00
    Kids Pocket Money 35.00
    _______
    TOTAL OUTGOINGS 2433.80

    Am embarrased to admit that we have this amount of money coming in and through my own stupid fault, I have gotten my whole family in a mess.
  • Forgot to say that all debts are now transferred into hubbys name through CC transfers etc as I dont work and as of yet not payments have been defaulted on. I wont be long though at this rate!
  • Burlesque_Babe
    Burlesque_Babe Posts: 17,547 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Photogenic Combo Breaker
    hi - I'm not as expert as some of the fab people around here, but a couple of things stood out -

    Home Insurance 65.04 This seems very high - have you shopped around? My 2 bedroom bungalow is now 13.00 a month with Barclays for buildings and contents

    NTL Phone/Cable/ISP 62.51 approx - Can you downgrade cable package? I'm with NTL and threatened to leave to go to Sky and they halved my Broadband and also my cable package for 12 months

    Mobiles - can you switch to pay as you go? There are some cheap, basic models out there at the moment, are either of your contracts ue to end?

    Dog fees 15.00 - wasn't sure what these were?

    Weekend Trip for kids 60.00 - is this every month? It seems a lot for a trip?

    Lunch Moneys 11.50 - can they take packed lunches?

    I would have a look at the Old Style meal planners and maybe compare to your shopping bill. There are some really helpful people on the OS board and they feed their families on so little it is incredible! It might help you shave a few pounds off your shopping bill each month.

    Sorry they are only little pointers/possible helps, but there are loads of really knowledgable people on the board who may be able to help with the bigger stuff. Just keep talking to everyone and they will do all they can tohelp you.
    :D"Stay Wonky":D

    :j:jBecome Mrs Pepe 9 October 2012 :j:j
  • CLAPTON
    CLAPTON Posts: 41,865 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    some comments on the SOA


    a. home insurance can't really be £65 a month can it? must be able to save £40
    b. what does ntl etc include? seems very high
    c. replace both mobile by payg and use sparingly: saving of £40
    d. cigarettes- not being a smoker its easy to say reduce but could you consider rolling your own,usually much cheaper
    e. you can't afford £132 a month for presents
    f. £60 for childrens weekend trips seems very high..is there a particular reason?

    between these it should be possible to reduce expenditure to below income and do a little saving.
    what will the interest rates be when the cheap / zero rates finish. If I've got it right total debt is about £35,000 and at the moment you need £1106 per month to service these debts.
  • KatrinaC_2
    KatrinaC_2 Posts: 532 Forumite
    Thanks all, just trying to pull myself together enough to do this SOA, so here goes.

    Please bear in mind that hubby is paid on a daily rate so each months pay varies slightly. Also rent,life/pers accident insurance, council tax and a loan payment to Halifax for 175.00 (x39 payments remaining) is automatically deducted from his pay before we even get it so there is no haggleing figures there.

    First up, have you told your husband about the debts and your problems? It's FAR easier to cope if there are two of you working together.

    OUTGOINGS

    Home Insurance 65.04 This seems fairly high - have a look at something like https://www.moneysupermarket.com to see if you can get a better quote.
    Tesco Loan 354.39 (22 Payments remaining)
    Car Insurance 35.83 (over 9 mnths, we have 3 months grace at present)
    Gas/Elec 60.00 This is a lot of gas and electricity - have you checked that you are on the right tarriff and that your family actually save as much electricity and gas as possible?
    Dog insurance 10.99 Do you really need this? Do you claim on it often enough to be worthwhile? If you don't want to get rid of it all together, try looking about to see whether you can get a better quote
    TV Licence 10.54
    HSBC CC 112.00 min pay (Bal 3750.00 0% x9 months)
    AMEX CC 302.00 min pay (Bal 10041.79 4.9% life balance)
    MBMA CC 65.00 min pay (Bal 4858.24 2.9% x 2mth/3.9% x 4mnth)
    Egg cc 150.00 Direct Debit (Bal 4971.58 15.9%)
    Capital One CC 75.00 min pay (Bal 2922.72 21.9%)
    Tesco CC 50.00 (Bal approx 600.00 15.9%)Is there anyway to move the card balances about so that you can get the £3000 at 21.9% APR onto something lower? Also, make sure you use a snowball calculator to try and use any spare money to clear the cards in the right order.
    NTL Phone/Cable/ISP 62.51 approx
    Is this the best package? If it includes cable TV then you should really get rid of it. If the kids complain tell them that they need more fresh air and that reading is good for the brain :p
    Hubby Mobile 30.00 approx
    My Mobile 30.00 approx Either scrap the mobiles, or at least try to move to a better tarriff or PAYG.
    Tesco Saving Stamps 20.00What are you saving up for? Is there any chance you could use that money to hit the debts just to try and make ends meet?
    Car Tax Stamps 15.00
    Food 333.50I'm fairly certain that you can cut back from this, even with your daughter's dietary requirements. Have a look at the Old Style board to get ideas for how to feed the family more efficiently.
    cigarettes 133.00 Have cut right down and still trying
    Quit. Go to the GP and ask for help with stopping smoking. You are spending money you can't afford in order to kill yourself.
    Weekend Trip for kids 60.00 You need to cut this out too, I'm afraid. Take the kids somewhere cheaper or go less often
    petrol 140.00 Can you use public transport more or walk more? It's not the weather for it, but you will get fitter as a result!
    MOT 22.00
    Xmas/Birthdays 132.50Can you cut this down? Try making stuff or buying stuff second hand
    Float (Emergency) 30.00
    Dog fees 15.00 What on earth is a dog fee?!! :)
    Council Gym Hubby 20.00 Can your hubby not work out at work (if you see what I mean)?
    Haircuts 19.00
    Dentist 4.00
    Daughter Netball club 8.00
    School Trips 7.00
    Lunch Moneys 11.50 Have you worked out whether it would be cheaper for the kids to take packed lunch?
    Husband Mess Bills 15.00
    Kids Pocket Money 35.00
    _______
    TOTAL OUTGOINGS 2433.80

    Am embarrased to admit that we have this amount of money coming in and through my own stupid fault, I have gotten my whole family in a mess.True, but then you're going to be the one who will get them back out again and then onto a more secure financial footing in the future.

    Kat
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