Parents with ADHD Children - I am after some opinions on medicating please

blue_monkey_2

My 5 year old son was diagnosed ADHD this week - and while I knew it was coming - it was still a shock to be 'diagnosed'. I was told it would be 2 more years before the diagnosis when I saw another doc and before they talked about Medication but having changed docs I never considered they would bring the diagnosis forward to now, I guess I had not prepared myself for it.

In a few months time I have to go back and speak to them about Medication.

At school my son is fine - at the moment - as most of his day is play based, but even the school scored him high on the CPRS sheet we had to fill in. The school have been fantastic and are really accomodating but they have said they can clearly see he is ADHD.

But I wanted some advice from parents who have ADHD kids and who have chosen to, or not to, medicate their children. I just want to know how their kids are, the difference it has made, or has not made, etc... so it helps me with my descision. I've spoken to a couple who have medicated but I just wanted more opinions really.

I kind of feel that I should medicate because the medication will help restore the imbalance in the brain, but then the other half of me thinks that maybe medication is a cop out and I should deal with the hand I have been dealt. But without the medication is he suffering because of the rage and frustration he is feeling. The rest of the family is also suffering.

I am confused, if it was another condition, Diabetes for example - another imbalance - then everyone would be saying yes, you have to medicate, but with ADHD people think that medicating is doping your kids to the eyballs. So I am confused about what is the right or wrong thing to do.

He also has Autism but the degree of it still has to be assessed. ADHD is a condition that everyone feels they have a right to judge you on and I guess I am also worried how people are going to judge me I suppose.

I am not really interested in the views of people who have come to this thread to judge my lack of parenting skills that have given my son this condition :rolleyes: but because I want to understand how the medication works and whether it can make a difference to my life.

Thanks for your experiences if you are happy to share them.

tattoed_bum

you have to do what is best for you ,and your child and try not to worry what other people think .(i know that is easier said than done )
my son is deaf and partially sighted and i wouldnt dream of not having his hearing aids or glasses ..
you will know your son better than anyone else and if you think the medication will help then that is all that matters .
you have to really discuss this better with your doctor and have a look and see if you can find a site which has a parents forum that may help with your decision .
good luck with whatever you decide

edited to say when my friends son was medicated she was warned before hand that the medication could make him worse in certain aspects of his behaviour .so she actually took the decision not to medicate as she struggled enough without his behaviour getting more difficult

webitha

tattooed bum is right do what you feel is right for you LO.
MY 9 yr old has ADHD with Autistic Tendencies, and we tried a few medicines, inc ritalin nd he turned into a ghost of himself,,
so i took him off it against my DRs opinion (he called me a cruel and bad mumlol) and now sing diet, nothing processed, everything as fresh as poss, cooked from scratch, and EYEQ, and he hsa had a marked improvement, now he is like all the other gormless 9 yr old :rotfl:

you will try all different things too find the one thats right for your family, as this is not just about you LO, you got to do this as a family

arunadasi

Hello Monkey!
I've gone down that road and I do sympathise. At the time my son was acting up I had no idea what it was and thoght it was simply bad behaviour; he was getting into a lot of trouble at school and all the teachers blamed me. This was between the ages of 7 and 9.

We lived in Germany at the time, where the school system is extremely rigid, and that more that anything else contributed to his wild behaviour. When we sent him for a year to England to a private school, they seemed to manage quite well. However, he was homesick and came back after a year, and the bad behaviour started again, getting worse and worse. He just could not keep quiet in the classroom. Around that time I heard for the first time of ADD/ADHD and I have to say it was a relief, because now I knew that there may be a cause for it that had nothing to do with my parenting skills.

At the age of 13 he was expelled from school and we sent him back to England, this time with medication. He took Ritalin, and I don't know if that was the reason or the change in school, but he began to really excell and for the first time we began hearing a lot of praise for him... the headmaster said he has "leadership qualities" and needs to be recognised and encouraged . He himself said he felt much quieter and able to concentrate, but in the end he hated Ritalin and afte a year or two stopped taking it.

His eduaction continued to be erratic; he left formal school at 15 but I managed to get him into a private institution where he got his GCSE's, and left after that. Tried a lot of different things, working as a chef and all kinds of stuff, and still had some behavorial problems.

He is now 23 and all that is far behind us. He found what he really wants to do in life and is now in his second year of a BSc. He was always very bright but now it is really showing. He is dedicated an dhard working, extremely motivated, and a lovely person; everyone seems to love him. He does have a very strong perosnality, he;s the kind of person you notice immediataley when he walks into a room, and at the same time very caring and helpful to others. He would gve the shirt off his back to help someone in trouble andhas huge plans for all the charitable work he's going to do.

I say all of this not to boast but to let you know what helped me the most: a re=formulating of the diagnisis of ADD into something positive, and believeing that ut is really just a cover for an energy that has not yet found a proper outlet. Far more helpful than medication was learning to understand the mentality of my son. I did a lot of reading on alternative perspectives on the problem and I'd like to make a few recommendations.

First of all, visit the website www.borntoexplore.org. It's a goldmine on information on understanding an ADD/ADHD child and seeing him/her in a new light, a positive light.
Then there are the books of Thom Hartman, who is a well known public figure in the USA, and who himself has ADD, for instance:
Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception

and
The Gift of ADHD: how to transform your child's problems into Strengths

Here's a description of the latter book:

A diagnosis of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) does more than label a child's behavior problems—it affects his or her self-esteem, relationships and future, says psychologist Honos-Webb. The way parents and teachers treat an ADHD child can mean the difference between a successful life and an unnecessarily difficult one. In this sensitive exploration of ADHD, Honos-Webb uses case studies, field research and her personal experience as a clinical psychologist and sister of a brother with ADHD to teach parents how to become advocates for their children and "reframe" their view of the disorder. While most people are familiar with the dramatic behavioral symptoms of ADHD—severe inattention and impulsiveness—there is a less-reported flip side: children with ADHD exhibit exceptional strengths that Honos-Webb sees as opportunities. These gifts include emotional sensitivity toward others, passion and exuberance, unusual problem-solving skills and a love of nature. Honos-Webb's goal is to bring these traits to light and help parents transform "symptoms into talents—or at the least, lovable eccentricities." Through interactive exercises, such as directed daydreaming and storytelling, she helps parents and children work together to rise above the negativity so often directed at them by "an outdated education system" that does little to accept and support children with ADHD. This unique book stands out from the sea of books in its field.

In short, medication MIGHT help for a while to quiet a child down so as to point him/her in more positive ditrection, ad to break the cycle of bad behaviour and frustration, but it should only ever be a short-term solution. There is probably much more to your child than hyperactivity, and it's up to you as his Mum to find out what!
Good luck! We had a few years of a nightmare with our son but now I see him as a very special person with an extraordinary energy that he is going to put to excellent use. You might find the same.

Paparika

blue_monkey wrote: »

My 5 year old son was diagnosed ADHD this week - and while I knew it was coming - it was still a shock to be 'diagnosed'. I was told it would be 2 more years before the diagnosis when I saw another doc and before they talked about Medication but having changed docs I never considered they would bring the diagnosis forward to now, I guess I had not prepared myself for it.

In a few months time I have to go back and speak to them about Medication.

At school my son is fine - at the moment - as most of his day is play based, but even the school scored him high on the CPRS sheet we had to fill in. The school have been fantastic and are really accomodating but they have said they can clearly see he is ADHD.

But I wanted some advice from parents who have ADHD kids and who have chosen to, or not to, medicate their children. I just want to know how their kids are, the difference it has made, or has not made, etc... so it helps me with my descision. I've spoken to a couple who have medicated but I just wanted more opinions really.

I kind of feel that I should medicate because the medication will help restore the imbalance in the brain, but then the other half of me thinks that maybe medication is a cop out and I should deal with the hand I have been dealt. But without the medication is he suffering because of the rage and frustration he is feeling. The rest of the family is also suffering.

I am confused, if it was another condition, Diabetes for example - another imbalance - then everyone would be saying yes, you have to medicate, but with ADHD people think that medicating is doping your kids to the eyballs. So I am confused about what is the right or wrong thing to do.

He also has Autism but the degree of it still has to be assessed. ADHD is a condition that everyone feels they have a right to judge you on and I guess I am also worried how people are going to judge me I suppose.

I am not really interested in the views of people who have come to this thread to judge my lack of parenting skills that have given my son this condition :rolleyes: but because I want to understand how the medication works and whether it can make a difference to my life.

Thanks for your experiences if you are happy to share them.

Stop right there, it's not your fault and it's not down to bad parenting skills.
Ok I know nothing about having a child with ADHD etc, but it's not your fault.

allIcouldwishfor

BM - I don't know which particular medication the doctors are considering but as I understand it, these types of medications do not have a long lasting effect and do not "build up" in the body, which is why kids who use them have to take them at least every day, if not more often. My point is, if that is the case, there seems to be no harm in trying him on the meds to see if it improves things for him, you and the rest of your family, and taking him off them if they don't. I know people who medicate their children during the week and don't during school holidays and weekends as some their side effects include appetite loss and sleeping issues.

I like the analogy with diabetes, shortsightedness, etc. You wouldn't think twice about not treating those conditions.

Good luck with whatever you decide for your family.

k1mmie

I would say that it is a blessing that your son has been diagnosed so young. My friend has a son with ADHD, but even though she had been telling the playgroups, doctors and schools for years something was wrong they did not listen. Eventually they diagnosed ADHD when he was 11. However because they did not feel it was at such a high enough level to statement him, he only receives an extra 2 hours per week on a programme one to one. He was taking Ritalin, but worked out that at the age of 15 now, he is so hyper without it and loves the wild feel it gives him, that he refuses to take it or spits it out in the garden. He is very disruptive and has tourettes as well, which shows when trying to discipline him as it all comes out. As your son has been diagnosed so young, I am sure there is plently of time to find a suitable programme and network of support for you both. Good luck.

wannabe_sybil

I know nothing about the specific question in the original post.

I have read other posts, however, by you blue monkey and I think you are a remarkable person, a great mum and your son is lucky to have you.

Good luck.

D&DD

Hi BM
The medication issue is one we all face sadly at times and theres no right or wrong way to proceed,all our kids are different and at times they may need that little bit of extra help that medication gives.

My only advice is you know your son best..does it affect his life without meds to such a degree that he's not happy...
I've always resisted meds and gone down the 'alternatives' route.i.e diet,EyeQ,B-Vits etc..and for us *so far* it has worked.

My son had a breakdown at 9 and was prescribed Risperadol which is an anti-psychotic :eek: the breakdown was due to other issues *school* NOT his mental health probs so we stayed with our 'programme' and managed without it this time,but who's to say we'll not need to use it in the future..

At the end of the day you're not a bad parent if you have to use meds,you are putting your childs welfare first,and contrary to popular belief its one of the hardest things for loving parents to have to do.

Best of luck in whatever you decide
D XX

ticklepenny_2

Hello BM

I am not yet a mum, but for 5 years was a childminder. I looked after two girls, one of which had ADHD which was not controlled when I started looking after her. I encouraged her mum to take her to the Dr's who diagnosed ADHD. From then she saw a nutritionist who laid out the most effective eating plan for her. The change in her behaviour was enourmous, just by changing her diet. She still had a few quirks but was much easier to get on with and her reading and writing seemed to come on in leaps and bounds.

My view in life is to see if there is a natural solution before resulting to medication. I would much rather eat dirfferently or take a daily supplement than go on medication. But at the end of the day it is what ever you consider the best option available.

HTH
*tickle

Marcheline

Hi OP, my only experience of the condition is through my cousin (who is now a teenager) but he was diagnosed with ADHD early on like your child. My aunt and uncle went down the medication route, as no-one was coping well with the condition. Anyway, after a while (I think it was around 2-3 years) of taking the medication, they decided to take him off it, against medical advice. They said medicating him had been the worst possible thing they could have done. Basically they felt that he had turned into a sad, teary, and frightened little boy, who they did not recognise anymore. He has not been on any medication since and everyone agrees he is the better for it.