is there anything else we can try?

Rebe

Hello,

Quite new to all this so please bear with me..
My fiance has been divorced from his ex for about 6 years now, they have a little boy together who is 7. During their relationship, she had a string of affairs and was both mentally and physically abusive to him and the children. OH has been paying through the CSA for some time now, despite attempts to sort it out between themselves, she's just not willing! and she's not let him see his son for many years.
My query is, is there no way/no law that is in my OH's favour? admittedly she is not the easiest lady to communicate with etc but there isn't a day goes by I know my OH doesn't think about him, we've tried everything we can think of and don't understand why he has no rights!!

Rebe

Zara33

He does have rights! He was married to the mother of his children so i would assume he is on the birth certificate, don't communicate with the ex go via a third party.

As a side note CSA has nothing whatsoever to do with contact.

Light_Speed_Cruiser

Not really child support but go to your local County Court (assuming you are in England or Wales) and say to the court staff you want a contact order and want to go before the judge. They'll give you a simple form to complete, detail you want a contact order and specify how often your OH wants contact. Explain briefly what steps you have taken to amicable establish contact. You dont need a solicitor, its all plain English stuff. If your OH claiming a benefit then ask for a form EX160.

SuziQ

On a note of caution: We had MANY contact orders and my husbands ex ignored the lot. Each time we went to court she had a different excuse and all the judge did was verbally admonish her.It is even more difficult to re-establish contact once it has been lost for several years. She is wrong but will also know that there is nothing the courts can do to force her to comply-they rarely imprison even though they have the power as they say it is not in the best interest of the child.

Rikki

SuziQ wrote: »

On a note of caution: We had MANY contact orders and my husbands ex ignored the lot. Each time we went to court she had a different excuse and all the judge did was verbally admonish her.It is even more difficult to re-establish contact once it has been lost for several years. She is wrong but will also know that there is nothing the courts can do to force her to comply-they rarely imprison even though they have the power as they say it is not in the best interest of the child.

That is really unfortunate and unfair.

The OP needs to find a starting point and the court is a good a start as any.

Rebe

We've tried contacting her directly, through a third party and also tried many court orders, but like SuziQ said, she ignores them or makes up excuses. It has been a few years since he last saw his child so I realise that it would be hard to re-introduce him, but his son has a right to know who his father is and I can't believe what this woman is doing to this poor child!
I take it that applying for custody is a waste of time due to the time thats gone by since my OH last saw his son? I don't know what else to do for him or what other options we have?

Zara33

Rebe wrote: »

We've tried contacting her directly, through a third party and also tried many court orders, but like SuziQ said, she ignores them or makes up excuses. It has been a few years since he last saw his child so I realise that it would be hard to re-introduce him, but his son has a right to know who his father is and I can't believe what this woman is doing to this poor child!
I take it that applying for custody is a waste of time due to the time thats gone by since my OH last saw his son? I don't know what else to do for him or what other options we have?

I don't think there is really much left that you can do if she is not willing.

koolmummy

Hi,
you do have options. I would go the court route again, even after several years of non contact your partner will ultimately get a contact order. Perhaps it would be an idea for your partner to write a friendly but firm letter to his ex saying he wishes to have regular contact with their child as he believes it is in the child's best interests, say that he wants her to respond in writing with suggested arrangements and if she does not then he will have no alternative but to instigate further court action.

The courts are taking non compliance with contact orders far more seriously these days. I would go along the the court office local to where your partners son lives and make an application for a contact order - form is a C100. Costs is £120 unless your partner is on prescribed benefits (I.S, J.S.A) etc and then you can fill in the exemption form EX160, as my learned friend Light Speed Cruiser has said.
The forms are all available on line here: HM Court Service

The court will then give a hearing date which will probably be a meeting with a CAFCASS officer and then a quick 10 minute hearing with a judge in chambers - not intimidating at all!

There are new rules surrounding contact orders that came in to effect 08/12/08, it is much easier now to enforce orders and there are more penalties available to the court to impose upon resident parents who do not comply, fines, community service, transfer of residence to name but a few.

I would strongly suggest joining FNF they have excellent branch meetings and can gave give you a great deal of practical help and moral support.

I hope this helps.

Soubrette

Looking at it from a different angle, it is highly likely that your husband's child, when an adult, will want to seek out your husband as their other parent.

Can you show the child that he was always thought of - maybe putting a little bit of money aside on a regular basis which would have been pocket money, or scrap books of birthday cards which although never sent means that you both thought of him through-out his life. These are only suggestions of the type of things you could do

I know they sound really cheesy ideas but some PWC not only withhold contact but tell all sorts of lies to their children about the other parent not wanting them etc. A record of how he was not forgotten made over the years would show that this was never the case.

Good luck with the legal route if you continue with that - again I'd keep records of all this to show the child when(and if) they do seek you out there is some kind of record of how much you really wanted contact.

Sou

Rebe

Soubrette,

Thanks for you reply.
Since we've been together, I've set up an account which I put money into every month, I buy and keep birthday and christmas cards, put adverts in paper for the birthdays (and cut them out and keep them) and buy small Christmas gifts, Oh I also started a diary of our day to day lives so he doesn't feel he missed out to much (if that makes sense)

Soubrette

Rebe wrote: »

Soubrette,

Thanks for you reply.
Since we've been together, I've set up an account which I put money into every month, I buy and keep birthday and christmas cards, put adverts in paper for the birthdays (and cut them out and keep them) and buy small Christmas gifts, Oh I also started a diary of our day to day lives so he doesn't feel he missed out to much (if that makes sense)

I think that sounds lovely

Unfortunately access is often stacked against the NRP, you cannot make the PWC a better parent (although the courts give a bit more hope now), you can only be the best parents you are able to be in the situation you've been given. It really sounds like you are giving it your best though under difficult circumstances.

Sou