Weddings and arguing families

Wizwoo

OK OH and I have been together ages and I told him some years ago that yes I'd marry him ...do love him to bits.

The problem has always been his family. There are loads (he's one of 10 kids - some are half brothers / sisters) and barr 2 they've all had kids. Although he gets on with them all really well they don't all get on with each other.

We are tempted to go abroad but don't really want to put that burden on others. We went to Italy for a long weekend back in November and loved it and thought about picking somewhere near one of the budget airline destinations - but we just wouldn't know where to start.

We've always said that we wouldn't want a big wedding - close family and friends but this could concentrate the tensions.

What do we do?

I know it's our day and we should do whatever we want but if that causes fights / arguments on the day :sad: it'll be a day to remember for the wrong reasons.

november

I think if I were you I would be tempted to go off and get married, abroad if you like, and tell everyone afterwards

Depends on if it is important for you to have family there though as its very hard to invite one without inviting the lot.

Actually that is what we were going to do originally but we changed our mind and are having a 'family only' do (during the day). Our families haven't even met yet!

There's lots of tips in the wedding thread at the top of the board if you have an hour or 2 to read through it

Counting_Pennies_2

I don't get on with my sister and she tried to pick a fight with me on my wedding day.

I just rose above it all.

Have the wedding day you want, tell family members in advance they are welcome to come but to hold off the disagreements with family members until after the day and if they don't think they can be civil you would prefer they didn't come (whatever your dream venue is have it).

It works to have a firm but nice conversation ahead of time, reminding people it is your day and they will not be forgiven if they ruin it.

juno

I've got similar problems! My fiance's brother is a transsexual, so he's actually a sister now. But all of his (that his is referring toi my fiance) family refuses to acknowledge her as a girl and don't want her to come. But I want her there more than I want them there (and so does my fiance).

gixxerchick_2

I am getting married in a few months and my oh has quite a big family, some of his family fell out before christmas and still are not speaking so that should be fun on our day. We have said though that if any one even tries to cause trouble they will be out on their ear so fast as we are not going to let anyone ruin our day.
As oh as loads of cousins and aunties and so on we have invited just a few close ones who we have regular contact with to the actual wedding and the rest to the reception and if they don't like that arrangement then they don't have to turn up!!
We also decided on no bridesmaids, iv'e got 4 sisters and oh has loads of girl cousins so we thought well no bridesmaids no arguing from the one's we don't pick, we are just having our son as the ringbearer, and that's just the way WE want it.

I always said to oh if i ever got married i want to run away and do it and then come back and hold a big party for everyone to help us celebrate, but the registry office is booked and i'm quite excited now.

Just do whatever you want, remember it is YOUR day and enjoy it!!

Alleycat

Invite them and employ a couple of bouncers?!

I guess it would depend on how much they don't get on. Do you think there is any likelyhood that they could bury their differences for one special day or would that be impossible? Could your OH have a word with his mum and see if she can get them to behave?

If you fancy the idea of marrying abroad, you could always do that and who wants/can afford to come can, but then have a family do back home. If it was in a place with a bar, then you wouldn't have to pay for loads of drinks (maybe first one on you?) and escape at any point if it started to get out of hand. That way you would get the big day you dream of without all the baggage family can bring, but still include the family so you don't upset them.

wigginsmum

My friend did have bouncers at her wedding ... extended volatile Irish family, one half not speaking to the other over the whole Republic question ... hope yours doesn't turn out like that.

elmer

Only 8 people at our wedding as my family are so divorced, that I have multiples of everyone, but none of them speak and all squabble, and my OH's family were horrified at the decadence of my family and refused to have anything to do with us too.

So............ we had the very best wedding, with a great time and those that felt unable to celebrate with us became more reconciled later after our daughter was born and we had a big christening, its easier to be gracious when children are involved.

so do your thing, tell people who want to interfere that its your day, and above all enjoy yourself.

we have been married now 17 years tomorrow, and although it took time for everyone to come round, i'm so glad that I stuck to my guns and had my day with no arguments only happy smiling people, and of course those that did attend are a very special group of people to us.

Good luck

Elmer

Wizwoo

Thanks for all your help and advice. My side of things are pretty easy - 2 brothers one married with 3 kids, mum and dad - so 8 in total. Not even starting on family beyond that (dad one of 8 kids and mum one of 6) even though we've been to some lovely cousins weddings.

That means that I can concentrate on inviting close friends.

There are money issues with OH family - since many of them work very hard to get by but others are more interested in begging from future M & D IL who have just inherited money (they are retired and it's their "pension" so to speak) - strange how money attracts... :rolleyes:

Determined to stick to guns and have a party with friends and closest family. All we have to do now is decide:
1) Where &
2) When.

Think that's enough to be getting on with!!!

MissSunshine

I didn't invite 2 uncles to my wedding as they'd had a falling out years before to the point that they wouldn't visit my nan at the same time. I wasn't particularly close to either, so invited both only to the evening do as didn't want any hassle on the day and wanted to invite friends instead. Neither came and apparently the one wasn't v happy.

My nan only said something 4 years later when my cousin did the exact same thing, about family being more important blah blah, to which i replyed that she should've banged their heads together long ago!!!!

OP do stick to your guns, don't give in just because they're family because it's your special day.

mancitychick

I have a hugh family and my hubby doesn't really have any family, well not that he is in regular contact with. We decided to just go off and get married and tell everyone afterwards. It was great and no regrets, we didn't go abroad as such, we were married by a minister in Scotland.

I agree with misssunshine, you must have the wedding you want and if that is a small one abroad, so be it. Why go to the expensive of a big wedding just to please others, its your day and you only do it once (hopefully!).

Found this on goole, but there is a load of other sites like it.
http://www.italyweddings.com/faq.html