Advice plz/bit of a rant - trying to save cash but things keep going missing!

alexiawest

I hope this is in the right place, its a bit of a vent and also a call for advice.

Im a 21 year old who has reccently ( 1.5 months ) moved into shared accomodation. I had my own place with a partner before but after 5 years together it went sour, I stayed with some friends for a bit, then had to move on as I needed my own space, so, due to my age shared accomodation was all I could go for due to me being under 25 local housing allowance only cover shared accomodation rates for me.

Anyway, I managed to find somewhere who would accept LHA, I am on disability and incapacity benefits and most of my rent is covered.

I am basically a sort of lodger, the house is owned by a lady who lives here and also rents out to a couple and a single gent, there are 5 of us and 2 dogs in all.

Now heres the problem......

Someone keeps stealing from me!
I bought a new tub of butter, used it for some toast, the next day 2/3 was gone, someone keeps using my milk and they even have the cheek to finish it off and leave the empty bottle on the side in the kitchen!

Im trying to get my finances in order, so have been really cutting back which has included lots of home baking, last night I made a huge fruit and nut loaf, I had a small slice, Ive felt peckish this morning so go down to get a bit and 1/2 is gone!

There is no tumble dryer here, but the spare room has airers for clothes drying, I had put half my washing on ( all the would fit in 1 go ) and left a basket of wet stuff in the room ready to swap over, yesterday I went in to do it and found someone had removed my dryish washing and slung it into my basket of wet, so it had all wet patches on it, and they had hug theirs on to dry! :mad:


I'm at my whits end, I feel so angry!

Why do they have to keep taking my food? Im the 1 on benefits, they have jobs and the couple especially are pretty well of cash wise as they have lots of expensive technology, go on regular holidays and have nice food.

To be honest I cant see it being the land lady who is doing this, nor the single gent as he is very polite and often offers me food such as fresh bread when he has been shopping, that leaves the couple, I know it was them who moved my washing as it was theirs on it instead of mine.

The thing is I hate confrontation, they have all been here a lot longer than me, I feel like Im being looked down on as it is because they work and I dont etc...

My money is so tight as it is, I really cant afford to have other people taking my food, plus if they are willing to take food and touch things which are not theirs ( my washing ) then what else is at risk of going missing?

There are no locks on the bedroom doors, ( they lock from the inside but not out ) so whenever I leave the house, I leave all my belongings open to being taken. I was going to ask the landlady for a lock on the door but that went out the window when we were talking a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned how we all need to trust eachother and get to know each other otherwise people will start wanting locks on their doors and she doesnt want to live like that.

I really dont know what to do, I like living here, its a nice area, the rent/bills is affordable, but I just cant afford to have things being taken, let alone the fact that if you cant trust people with your food then where does that leave things like my laptop!

I realise that sharing has these risks and I guess you expect in student shares people will pinch a bit of bread or a splash of milk, but these arre grown up people who work, they have no need to take from me, I wouldnt so much as borrow a teaspoon of sugar if Id run out, I was brought up to know that taking something that does not belong to you is theft, and it is wrong!

HELP !!!!! PLEASE !!!!!!


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Ivory_Tinkler

I think the time has come to be assertive. You don't have to rant but calmly tell these people that it is unacceptable to take your stuff without asking. Seems to me that they have no regard for you and may even see you as a soft touch. You would probably be best to arrange a "house meeting" when everyone is there so that you are not singling out one person. Tell them that you are on benefits and it is hard enough to make ends meet and you are disappointed to find that someone is helping themselves to your stuff and you would appreciate it if they would stop.

There is no easy way to do this except to assert yourself and tell everyone how you feel. Perhaps you could even suggest a kitty for those items that people use each day (eg milk) where everyone pays an equal share and therefore the items are there for everyone?

Good luck!

Lyger

The other option (though setting up a kitty for basic needs stuff is a great idea, and the one I'd go for first) is to use powdered milk or longlife milk, though this will only work if the couple are brand snobs. I had a housemate once who would always use my milk, and pretty much all of my grocery shopping, because I apparently earned more than her. Since this ended up with me being the one who had to buy the bulk of our grocery shopping, which then went between us, I downbranded on everything, claiming that I couldn't afford the nicer stuff since I was buying everything for both of us.

Suddenly, she found she could actually afford to chip in on the food budget. :rolleyes: I still carried on buying longlife milk in bulk though, as I actually preferred the convenience of buying it in bulk and not having to worry about it going off. I still use it to this day, even with living with a much nicer house mate!

Judith_W

Can't really suggest about much else, but when I was sharing ppl kept using my milk, so I started buying skimmed as no-one else liked it. Just a thought

so2006

I think you should make a loaf, put chill powder in it. Make it. Then just "make out" who was screaming for water.

When this happened to my friend, I told her to get her own mini-fridge, Should couldnt afford it. So she kept doing pranks until they relised she is doing it on purpose and they shouldnt touch her food!

Raggie

so2006 wrote: »

I think you should make a loaf, put chill powder in it. Make it. Then just "make out" who was screaming for water.!

Nice idea.. but may i suggest laxatives.... much more fun!!!....:beer:

To the OP.. I hope you can get this sorted.....

Miss_Liquorice

Living in a situation like that is not nice at all, hope you manage to get it sorted soon.

Something that could help, save the plastic bottle your milk comes in. When it's empty and you buy new milk, pour the new milk into the old container (you may want to wash it out first...) so that the milk looks as though it has expired by a few days. Chances are nobody will touch it, it's not gone off enough to be chucked out but it's not what THEY would want to drink. Then the next milk you buy can go in the second container.

I have a touch of OCD about butter. I always use it by slicing from one end to the other (I can't stand scraped butter, or crumbs in butter. I know I'm odd! I actually would just throw it out instead of use it.) so I've always had to make it very plain that nobody is to use my butter. Again, you could hide it in a box of something?

Switching to value stuff should help your food budget anyway (and a lot of it is really nice!) and hopefully deter any food snobs from stealing your stuff.

I find in confrontational situations, it's better to say how they are making you feel - nobody can dispute that "This makes me feel upset, and it feels like you have no consideration for my situation" - as opposed to "You have no consideration for me!" works really well. Also, make sure to not get angry. If you feel yourself getting angry, just take a deep breath before you speak.

I have been in a few situations where flatmates have been far from ideal! I really hope this works out for you.

FelinePrincess

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation.

I really think you should stand up to them, try and do it in a nice non confrontational way but be clear that your not going to put up with it.

There are some good ideas about tampering with milk ect which would be funny to try but seem like alot of hassle and you shouldn't have to go to lots of effort to protect your food.

I presume this couple also leave food in the fridge? How about using some of their stuff (something noticeable, prefferably expensive) and if and when they bring it up just say "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we all shared food" .

Miss_Liquorice wrote: »

I find in confrontational situations, it's better to say how they are making you feel - nobody can dispute that "This makes me feel upset, and it feels like you have no consideration for my situation" - as opposed to "You have no consideration for me!" works really well. Also, make sure to not get angry. If you feel yourself getting angry, just take a deep breath before you speak.

This is great advice if you do confront them.

Good luck!

Feline Princess

Reggie_Rebel

Stop buying food and nick theirs.

They want to live by the sword they must be prepared to die by it

chuckley

get your own fridge in your room. keep ALL of your stuff in your room, utensils/food kitchen stuff and only bring it downstairs when u need to use it.

it amazes me though u live in a house full of strangers with no lock on your door...

so basically folks can just waltz in whenever they feel like? BANG goes your insurance...

KimYeovil

chuckley wrote: »

it amazes me though u live in a house full of strangers with no lock on your door...

so basically folks can just waltz in whenever they feel like? BANG goes your insurance...

You are more likely to be able to find insurance where there are no locks rather than where there are individual locks, surely?