Mother of the Bride outfit woes

Becles

I'm getting married in April. I haven't bought a bridesmaid dress yet, as the child is going through a serious growing spurt so I'm leaving it till the last minute! My Mam is aware of the style and lilac colour I'd like to buy though.

Mam showed me a dress she bought on a recent holiday to India. It's fitted to under her breasts, then flares slightly to mid calf length, then has a frilly bit that goes to floor level. It's made of silky sari fabric and is white with a floral print in bluey lilacy shade. The bridesmaid dress I liked is the same style, except it flares to the floor with no frilly bit on the bottom. Mam will be wearing the dress with a white jacket, and said she is going to buy decorated combs for her hair, rather than wear a hat.

I was trying to be nice and say it was ok, so I didn't hurt her feelings. However, she knew I was telling fibs and she said "you don't like it do you?", so I just said "well it's just not what I would have picked", and left it at that.

Is it right to be annoyed that she's bought something in a similar style and colour to the bridesmaid?

Personally I'd rather she wore a suit or a dress and jacket in any colour but white or lilac, but I don't know how to tell her that.

sphrp2

What if it wasn't your mam? What if someone else showed up on the day in a dress similar to BM? You couldnt really do anything about that, so would it matter? Not sure that this is of any help whatsoever, but maybe its something to consider?

Heth_2

If your mother is happy with what she has bought then I'd try and be happy for her as well, and not mind the fact it matches the bridesmaid, especially as she is a child. Your mother will look nothing like a bridesmaid anyway so why does it matter, and she won't be mistaken as the bride by wearing a white jacket. As sphrp2 says, guesst might well turn up in lilac as well, especially ones who don't know your plans.
This is a special day for your mother as well, let her wear what she wants.

Becles

It's not so much of an issue for other guests, as they won't be in the bridal party and won't be sitting at the top table etc.

It's a really minging dress and she looks awful in it. She's got a decent figure and looks good in well cut clothes such as work suits, but this dress just makes her look frumpy and old.

It just hurts when my Mam is aware of all the designs/colours of the other dresses, that she picks something very similar. Her MIL did exactly the same at her wedding and has always been slagged off for doing it, so I cannot fathom why she's done the same thing to me

Lillibet_2

It's actually quite usual for the mother of the bride (and grooms mother) to tie in her dress with the colour theme! It'll look lovely & co-ordinated in the photos & won't stand out and clash. However, if it makes your mum look anything less than her best I'd tell her, I'd hate to look frumpy at a special wedding & I'd want someone I loved to tell me in advance! Maybe taking a photo of her wearing it as a "photo test" would be a nice way of showin her that it isn't really her, and maybe you could suggest a special shopping trip fro the 2 of you to find something else. If you get on with your future M-i-L then maybe include her too? Or as a compromise could the dress be re-worked by a semstress into something a bit more flattering if your mum really likes the fabric?

HTH;)

Heth_2

Becles wrote:

It's not so much of an issue for other guests, as they won't be in the bridal party and won't be sitting at the top table etc.

It's a really minging dress and she looks awful in it. She's got a decent figure and looks good in well cut clothes such as work suits, but this dress just makes her look frumpy and old.

It just hurts when my Mam is aware of all the designs/colours of the other dresses, that she picks something very similar. Her MIL did exactly the same at her wedding and has always been slagged off for doing it, so I cannot fathom why she's done the same thing to me

In that case can you take her shopping and try and suggest something that would look better? Could you get your dad to help, perhaps he doesn't like it either? Perhaps she wasn't trying to copy the bridesmaids but just coordinate with them? I know my mother and mil both wanted too do that, and my mother did by having burgandy accessories (bms in burgandy), and mil by trying to guess what shade I meant (her outfit was supposed to be a surprise...))

Becles

I'll try and suggest buying something else, but she seemed really pleased with what she had bought.

I've never been to a wedding where the whole bridal party wore white and the wedding colours, and the mothers wore floor length dresses. I didn't know it was usual for this to happen.

My MIL is already sorted and has bought a lovely smart suit. I haven't seen it, but it sounds really nice, and she said she was going to buy a hat to wear with it.

Jay-Jay_4

Hmmmm...!

When my sister got married she wore an ivory frock and us bridesmaids wore (this sounds horrible..... 15 years ago remember....) autumnal coloured flowery dresses (!). Anyway, our Mum wore an ivory chiffon skirt and an autumy coloured flowery jacket (not matching but similar..) it looked really nice and the photos are lovely. Her MIL wore blue and she stands out like a sore thumb on the pictures. Nobody thought my Mum was trying to match, it just fitted in.

When I got married (first time ) my bridesmaid wore gold and my Mum had a gold toned suit... again, it looks lovely on the photos, she even matches the flowers. My MIL wore lilac and once again stuck out like a sore thumb.

On the pics of me with my Mum she even matches the flowers, it's really easy on the eye.

...... if you don't agree with my reasoning you could always chuck some gloss paint over her outfit

Becles

At my first wedding, the bridesmaids wore scarlet dresses. My MIL wore a navy suit and my Mam wore a lilac suit. They didn't stick out like sore thumbs in the photos.

I appreciate the posts above, but I still don't think it's right that the mother wears a bridesmaid style dress though.

When I first started making wedding plans, Mam said she didn't want to wear lilac again, which is the reason I picked that as the wedding colours, so she had every other colour to chose from! I've been looking at other dress colours this afternoon, but can't decide what to change my colour scheme to now :rolleyes:

Jay-Jay_4

Becles wrote:

I appreciate the posts above, but I still don't think it's right that the mother wears a bridesmaid style dress though.

No, I appreciate your point. My Mother's outfits were more tailored so although the colour was similar, the style was more appropriate for a MOTB. Would you feel better if it was a similar colour but more of a fitted suit rather than a floaty frock?

Ah well..... the gloss paint it is then

Becles

If it were just a normal dress - more fitted and around knee length it would look better and I'd feel happier about it. She wore a dress for my brothers wedding which was a cream shift dress, with a chiffon layer over the top printed with a coral/pink floral design, which looked really nice.

Dad has been on the phone and said after I left she was on about making some sort of headpiece with feathers _pale_

I told him the truth about what I thought of her outfit and he said he told my Mam I'd probably say it's too bridesmaidy when she bought it, but she wouldn't listen. Dad knows me far too well - lol. He said he's going to try and persuade her to go shopping and buy something else, then suggest taking me with her as an afterthought. Hopefully he can persuade her to buy something else, so just waiting to see what happens now.