Big Spender Needs Help!

SnowyPea

Hello everyone.. I'm new here and just wondered if anyone could help.

We've got ourselves into a bit of debt over the past 12 months, mainly due to my overspending.

I went freelance in 2007 and had several months where I was bringing in lots of money on a monthly basis. But instead of saving some away or paying off existing debts... or even saving up for my tax bill... I splashed the cash!

Then of course, the credit crunch hit. My clients dried up. And I didn't have anything for my tax bill. We've had to borrow to pay for said tax bill and we're now really struggling.

We've got to the point where any more debt would really put us into a bad situation.

However - I have a very unhealthy attitude to money. I just stick my head in the sand and keep spending. Not capable of stopping and just taking a step back and being happy with my lot.

I know my problem. I know what I need to do. I'm taking steps to get us back onto the right path.. i.e. finding a full time job again, cutting outgoings where possible, etc.

But I have this addiction almost to buying new clothes and seeing friends - when really I know deep down I can't afford to do either!!?

Once I'm back in full time work, we'll be a lot more stable. But I'm worried I'll just fall back into my old ways and spend.. rather than see this opportunity to pay things off!

How can I break my negative cycle and start to be a saver rather than a spender?

Kerfuffle

Hi Snowypea,

Well I'm not sure I'm the right person to help at the moment but I see that you're still on line so I wanted to offer some support until people who can help come along.

You've done the right thing coming here and accepting your weakness and that's one of the best places to start, at least you're not in denial.

With your head out of the sand hopefully you'll be more observant and receptive to new and better solutions.

First things first, stop spending I guess. Take a look at the Moneysaving Old Style threads as these have loads of tips on cutting back on your spend, and some things are fun too.

I've joined 3 challenges to help stop spending, maybe take a look at these and see what you think, they're all small ways to make the situation more fun.

The $100 crazy clothes challenge. (That should be a pound sign but I don't have one).

The Sealed Pot Challenge Take Two.

The 100 days challenge.

On a more serious note, if you're massively in debt you may want to show a Statement of Account, this is where you list all income and outgoings and people try to offer advice on how and where reductions can be made.

Stick around and I'm sure someone will be along in the morning to help.

Toodles

ps and now I see you've gone, I'm too late.:sad:

Debt_Free_Chick

You need to find other things to occupy your time that are equally rewarding, but cost nothing! Easier said than done, I know.

For me, it's food. Could that work for you? How do you feel about "cooking from scratch" if you don't do that already?

Or knitting? Cross-stitch? Making your own clothes :eek:

"Hobby" sounds boring, but it's not if it's something that you enjoy, to the point that you choose to do it above buying clothes and socialising.

Cooking could be combined with socialising, even if you just made popcorn and invited your friends around to watch a DVD, for example.

Find something else - and preferably at little/no cost - to occupy your time.

Karmacat

Hi Snowypea

Welcome to mse - some good ideas posted already, I see. I would add:
- keep a spending diary, in a cheap notebook that you keep with you all the time, every single penny should go in it - when you spend, what do you spend? What are your areas of weakness? How can you substitute free or low cost items? Do you need it/them at all?
- you yourself are calling your spending almost an addiction - there's a psychological element to that. Maybe you could also examine whats going on for you, why you need to do that. The other part of this is to find something that can give you that kick - its often physical, cos of the endorphin effect of exercise, but not always. That really ties in to what debt free chick is saying.
- third bit - you won't like this, sorry - is to sell as much as you can of what you've got! To friends, to good second hand shops, on ebay. Anything you can. And put the money into a separate pot both to see how much you're getting, and to make sure you use it to pay off debts.

I'm sure that your situation is recoverable - any situation is. Some bits, you may not like, but you can come through it, honestly. Keep going, and keep posting!

Triker

SnowyPea wrote: »

Hello everyone.. I'm new here and just wondered if anyone could help.

We've got ourselves into a bit of debt over the past 12 months, mainly due to my overspending.

I went freelance in 2007 and had several months where I was bringing in lots of money on a monthly basis. But instead of saving some away or paying off existing debts... or even saving up for my tax bill... I splashed the cash!

Then of course, the credit crunch hit. My clients dried up. And I didn't have anything for my tax bill. We've had to borrow to pay for said tax bill and we're now really struggling.

We've got to the point where any more debt would really put us into a bad situation.

However - I have a very unhealthy attitude to money. I just stick my head in the sand and keep spending. Not capable of stopping and just taking a step back and being happy with my lot.

I know my problem. I know what I need to do. I'm taking steps to get us back onto the right path.. i.e. finding a full time job again, cutting outgoings where possible, etc.:T

But I have this addiction almost to buying new clothes ebay is your friend and so are the Grabbit boards on here that show great bargains, there are also outlet shopping places for much cheaper branded clothes and seeing friends don't ya know, staying in is the new going out, have meals in, get everyone to contribute a dish, bottle etc, you'll have a fantastic time and probably find your friends in the same boat re finances and cutting back- when really I know deep down I can't afford to do either!!?

Once I'm back in full time work, we'll be a lot more stable. But I'm worried I'll just fall back into my old ways and spend.. rather than see this opportunity to pay things off!

How can I break my negative cycle and start to be a saver rather than a spender?

Also get rid of credit cards if you have any, cut them up now, the temptation will be too strong to use them.

Oldstyle boards have great ideas for cheaper living, from cutting shopping bills to nutritious, cheap meals.

There are details of free cinema tickets here for those nights out.


Good luck and welcome to DFW and MSE.:T

System

Hi Snowy, defo cut those cards up, you will only use them. Get your SOA up for some proper help, there is a link about wher to start at the top of the board in a 'Sticky' that will help you. Len

RAS

Yep

here http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Forris

Welcome and well done for 'coming clean'. I did the same thing when I first went self-employed; earned lots, saved nothing. This went on for 5 years and it could have cost me my family (it is costing me £26K!, but we're sorting it now).

There have been some good suggestions so far. I think the two best things that you can do are post up your SoA: http://www.makesenseofcards.co.uk/soacalc.html

and start a spending diary.

Both of these will help you to see, in black and white, where all your money is going and where you can make savings.

Good luck

SnowyPea

Wow! I didn't think there would be so many replies so soon!
Thank you so much for your support.

I think I have got a problem. I become obsessed with wanting the latest fashions or beauty products and my problem starts with fashion magazines!!

So I'm ditching the magazines and I'm going to go through my wardrobe and have a trying on session. I know I'll discover that actually I've already got lots of lovely things and I'll try and match items with other items I've never thought would go before. I know I'll then feel like I've got lots of new clothes.

We've got no credit cards. We got rid of those and consolidated onto a low interest loan. That's on top of two other loans and an overdraft. And I haven't even thought about my student loans.

I've got a really good chance of getting a new job - I've got an interview a week on Monday.. and the nice thing is - it's very good pay but it's a dream job. One that I'd actually really love.

I'm not pinning all my hopes on getting it - but I really want it for personal reasons. I'm trying not to think about the money aspect and how much stability we'll have because of it. Because I don't want to come across desperate at interview!!?

My partner works for himself too you see... so income is unpredictable. And to add to the mess - we're getting married this May so have put out a lot of money on that too!

I don't actually spend a lot of money on clothes or frivalous things every month. I average about £100 but I still can't afford that. I think it's just the 'must-have' attitude and when I DO have money I'll spend it. Not paying things off or saving up - and then living on the edge every month.

And when I don't have any money - like I do now - I spend what little cash I have on clothes, having nothing left over to pay for basic things like petrol. And I'm only talking £100 but even so... I can't stop myself!!!

This month... for the first time since my freelance work slowed down... I've borrowed money from the joint account overdraft to cover a small outgoing. It's pathetic. And my partner is helping me to pay my side of the mortgage at the moment because of me having less income.

There's more to it though. About two years ago - I developed a really bad neck pain and it's never gone away. I was working at a hard-working, high pressure agency and had to sit at my desk all day. That's when the chronic pain started. And that's why I went freelance. To work fewer hours and cope better with the pain. I've been happier as I can choose when I want to work and keep active - which helps with the pain. I have degenerative discs in my spine around my neck area and the surgeons say there's nothing they can do. I just have to stay active and working out actually does help.

So full time work scares me because I know the neck pain will get worse. Maybe my attitude to money and obsession with things I can't have at the moment - is my comfort blanket. I'm in a viscious, mean circle and the only thing that keeps me sane is having a nice new dress or shoes.

Even though I never go mad! I'm worried that even if I did get this job I'll think 'Yay! I've got all this spare cash to spend on clothes!'

But you've all inspired me and I think what I'm going to do is set up direct debits so that money goes before I can spend it. I'm going to start paying off my student loans too.

Then... I'm going to allocate a small amount every month to treat myself. There is no point in going mad.

I also know once I'm back in full time employment I'll have less time to worry about what I haven't got... I know working from home can be a lonely thing. And perhaps my obsession with clothes really does mean I lack valuable hobbies.

I actually love the sound of learning to make my own clothes. I've always wanted to learn how to use a sewing machine.

WHEN I've got a new job - in about six months time - I'll buy a sewing machine and some dress patterns and I'll learn how to do it. I know I'd be good. I remember I was pretty good in school. Some of the Vogue dress patterns are gorgeous!

I've got a plan now and I feel more in control. There's a dress I've seen on Freemans catelogue that I can't get out of my head and it keeps enticing me to sign up to their interest free offer. But every time I hear that voice I just get up and do something else.

Our debts are manageable. We have a lovely house, with lots of lovely things. Books I haven't yet read. DVDs that lay gathering dust. Dresses and shoes I've hardly worn.

I'm going to appreciate more of what I've got and even borrow clothes from my mum and friends if I need something new.

Thanks for listening and inspiring me. I'm going to stick around and keep motivated.

SnowyPea xx

fruitycar

[quote=SnowyPea;19752999
I actually love the sound of learning to make my own clothes. I've always wanted to learn how to use a sewing machine.

WHEN I've got a new job - in about six months time - I'll buy a sewing machine and some dress patterns and I'll learn how to do it. I know I'd be good. I remember I was pretty good in school. Some of the Vogue dress patterns are gorgeous!

. There's a dress I've seen on Freemans catelogue that I can't get out of my head


SnowyPea xx[/quote]

Look for a sewing machine on Freecycle to get you started now, and post for patterns too, you might even be able to pick up some oddments of fabric to pracice with.

keep that picture of 'the' dress, you should be able to copy what you like about it and make it yourself after a bit of practice!

SnowyPea

FreeCycle? Ok I'll check that out!

I almost bought those things from Freemans again. On their interest free, pay monthly crap. What am I like!?!?

I've got my hen do in two weeks and my friends are all so trendy and fashionable. I just want to feel like the bee's knees and have something new to wear.

I actually do have a new outfit for the night but want something for both days. Isn't it pathetic!!

I think I'm just going to lock myself away into a cupboard where I can do no harm!! :j