Lost

nickih28

I feel so lost, i have just found out my partner of 20 years has been cheating on me for the last couple of months...

He went on a 'business trip' to Spain on tuesday, only i found out that he actually went away with a married woman who had told her husband she was on a business trip to.

I called him in spain and told him i knew, he denied it at first but then when i said i had rung his work he had to admit it and i even got to speak to her.

I am really mad, the kids are devasted and DS spend all yesterday afternoon with a school councellor becuase he was so upset, he also got into a panic yesterday when he could not reach me on the phone(i was shopping and there was no signal).

Financially we were already struggling and my job is on the line as well, i just dont know how i will afford to be on my own especcially if i loose my job

i have lay awake for the last two nights thinking of all the little signs i should have put together earlier, i feel sooo stupid that it took me this long to figure it out, he has done it before and i took him back and he swore he would never hurt us again.

Sorry to go on but it feels a little better to get it off my chest

cobbingstones

Oh Nicky I am so very sorry to hear your news :-(

I wish you lots of strenght at this time for you and your family.

Someone will be along to advise you soon

All the very best

xxx

fsdss

Nicky - so sorry to hear this

-is he back home yet? if not why and what does he say his intentions are?
you are going through the shock of all this - and i'm pretty sure that it'll turn to anger soon - the best advice i can give you is to try and find the strength to minimise the information that the little ones hear - to save them some of the pain.

you are not stupid to not recognise the "signs" that you missed - you sound like a trusting and loving partner, which is worth more than anything else in a relationship, and if he is too stupid to see this then he is a ******.

nickih28

fsdss wrote: »

Nicky - so sorry to hear this

-is he back home yet? if not why and what does he say his intentions are?
you are going through the shock of all this - and i'm pretty sure that it'll turn to anger soon - the best advice i can give you is to try and find the strength to minimise the information that the little ones hear - to save them some of the pain.

you are not stupid to not recognise the "signs" that you missed - you sound like a trusting and loving partner, which is worth more than anything else in a relationship, and if he is too stupid to see this then he is a ******.

Hi

yes they came back thursday night, but he did not have the nerve to come here, i put his clothes outside yesterday and they have gone (although he is claiming that he did not come for them) he said his intention was to have an affair and for me not to find out, they were not planning to run off together

i dont know where he is now, i have not heard anything since yesterday morning, he has not asked about his kids or contacted them directly.

i am very angry at the moment and i dont know how i will react when i do see him

Steel_2

nickih28 wrote: »

he said his intention was to have an affair and for me not to find out, they were not planning to run off together

Oh well that makes it ok then. What an ar$sehole.

i know you love him, but what an absolute ar$sehole.

I'm so sorry you and your kids have to go through the pain this miserable, thoughtless, pathetic specimen is causing you.

Steel_2

While you're waiting for this guy to show his guilty face at your door, head over to the debt-free wannabe board and post your SOA.

You might find that when it's all written out and the people over their have helped you make some savings that you can financially survive on your own.

upsetonerightnow

Hi Nicky I'm so sorry to hear of the trouble you've had. I've just broke up with my partner so I know how your feeling right now.

If you need someone to talk to please PM me.

Sending you massive hugs and love xxxx

nickih28

Steel wrote: »

While you're waiting for this guy to show his guilty face at your door, head over to the debt-free wannabe board and post your SOA.

You might find that when it's all written out and the people over their have helped you make some savings that you can financially survive on your own.

thanks, i am going to ask in work on monday about my job, so i know what income i will have, no point making arrangments with debtors now if i will be out of a job in a month, but i will go over to the dept-free wannabe board when i know

RAS

Hi love

Being very practical because you need to be right now.

Please can you ring the working tax credit/child tax credit people and make a revised claim. Immediately.

Also contact the local council, let them know you are a single person now and see if you can get any CTB？

Make a list of what is in the cupboards, fridge and freezer and put up a store cupboard challenge on the old Style Money Saving forum. They will help you work out how to feed the family on very little this month, which gives you some lee-way.

Come over to DFW and post a statement of affairs there, so we can try and help you out.

With respect to the kids, do you have any relatives who will not be too bound up in what is happening who can take the kids off and can talk to them gently about what is happening, without making any judgements.

Outside that, try to keep them out of the mess between you and your ex.

Next week, you need to talk to a solicitor, preferably one who is in the conciliation scheme, just so you know your rights.

When you feel less angry, write to your idiot of an ex and arrange to meet either at the solicitors or on neutral territory. Avoid having him home at the moment, as that will make it harder to cope with your emotions at the time and afterwards.

Big hugs.

You will get through this and it will be OK eventually.

GC81

Hi Nicky,
What an awful situation but I can say right now that you are strong enough to deal with this.
He isnt worth your time and energy. As for saying you werent meant to find out, well excuse me but he's a total [EMAIL="w@nk3r"]vvanker[/EMAIL]!!!

My ex-dh of 8 years had an on going affair for 6 years of our marriage. It hurts, of course, but I am strong, for my two girls (I have a 7yo and a 2 yo).

I borrowed money and managed to get a rental property while sorting out as much help as I could get, I left the home which is not advised.
We divorced in jan 09 and he brought me out of the house (which he now lives in with "her" ) so I've paid back my debts with the settlement and am back to worse than the beginning because now I am living on benefits which isnt a good feeling but its how I'm having to deal with it right now.
Go to Citizens advice and get as much advice as you can. have a look on the other boards as you are not alone and there will be so much support for you here.

I have to echo what fsdss wrote about minimising what your children hear as hard as it is sometimes.

((((hugs))))

nickih28

RAS wrote: »

Hi love

Being very practical because you need to be right now.

Please can you ring the working tax credit/child tax credit people and make a revised claim. Immediately.

Also contact the local council, let them know you are a single person now and see if you can get any CTB？

Make a list of what is in the cupboards, fridge and freezer and put up a store cupboard challenge on the old Style Money Saving forum. They will help you work out how to feed the family on very little this month, which gives you some lee-way.

Come over to DFW and post a statement of affairs there, so we can try and help you out.

With respect to the kids, do you have any relatives who will not be too bound up in what is happening who can take the kids off and can talk to them gently about what is happening, without making any judgements.

Outside that, try to keep them out of the mess between you and your ex.

Next week, you need to talk to a solicitor, preferably one who is in the conciliation scheme, just so you know your rights.

When you feel less angry, write to your idiot of an ex and arrange to meet either at the solicitors or on neutral territory. Avoid having him home at the moment, as that will make it harder to cope with your emotions at the time and afterwards.

Big hugs.

You will get through this and it will be OK eventually.

Thanks, i have done the tax credits call, i forgot about the council, i will do that on monday, i will also downgrade the virgin package to the lowest i can get and try and see if i can get out of my mobile contract, it runs out in aug

With regards to relatives they are seething and and my dd (16) is so mad, she never forgave him for the last time and they have never really got on since then, but seeing how her brother has reacted to this has upset her the most:mad: