Is having a preferred name the same as being known as?

mummym_3

Hi i dont know if i am posting in the right place but would appreciate any advice i can be given.

Last year my ex caused an awful lot of hassle regarding my daughter and i ended up in court getting a residency order, on the order it says that i cannot change her legal name or allow her to be known by any other name.
She has just started a new school and is preferring to be called by a different surname and so i have put it down as her preferred name as i was lead to believe that this is perfectly fine, however my ex is now causing a right fuss about it and has rang the school complaining.
Her legal name on the system is her correct one that is on her birth certificate which will be used for exams etc, she only uses the preferred one for in class etc.

If anyone can tell me if i am doing the wrong thing or has any advice i would be grateful.
thankyou

silvercar

I would have thought the school are meaning something like being known as "Liz" when your official name is Elizabeth. The school are probably just making an effort to make new children feel comfortable and aren't intending getting involved in legal disputes.

flea72

yep, preferred name just applies to first name, not surname. it is precisely for this reason, why your ex wanted the surname to be maintained, so officially the child is still tied to them. By using a different surname, you have broken the terms of your residency order, i would personally seek legal advice, as breaking the terms of an order, can be viewed quite badly by the courts

Flea

Mojisola

mummym wrote: »

Last year my ex caused an awful lot of hassle regarding my daughter and i ended up in court getting a residency order, on the order it says that i cannot change her legal name or allow her to be known by any other name.
She has just started a new school and is preferring to be called by a different surname and so i have put it down as her preferred name as i was lead to believe that this is perfectly fine, however my ex is now causing a right fuss about it and has rang the school complaining.
Her legal name on the system is her correct one that is on her birth certificate which will be used for exams etc, she only uses the preferred one for in class etc.

Don't the two bits in bold explain it? You are not allowed to let her be known by another name. You are asking the school to use a different surname for her.

peachyprice

I'm afraid I agree with the others. When the school refers to preferred name they mean first names, as the example given above.

TBH I'm not suprised your ex is upset as you have broken the terms of the court order by asking the school to use a different surname.

Is it really your daughters choice to use a different surname, or are you doing this for your own benefit?

minimoneysaver

We've got a child in my class at school who has asked us to call him by a different surname. It isn't that uncommon that the children ask the teachers to be called something else. I can't see how the courts could stop that from happening if it was a request from your daughter to the teacher. The courts couldn't really do anything if that were the case, but putting it in writing to the school, as a request from yourself is breaking the terms of the court order.

elainew

We wanted our dd to be known by a different name but they wouldnt let her. we are in Scotland so were able to change her birth certificate to her new name .

mummym_3

peachyprice wrote: »

I'm afraid I agree with the others. When the school refers to preferred name they mean first names, as the example given above.

TBH I'm not suprised your ex is upset as you have broken the terms of the court order by asking the school to use a different surname.

Is it really your daughters choice to use a different surname, or are you doing this for your own benefit?

I have been with my current partner for nearly 3 years and it is my daughters choice as he has been more of a father to her than her sperm donor! He has broken terms in his contact order but i have let them go as to not be petty as he caused plenty of hassle last year whilst i was pregnant accusing my partner of doing things men shouldnt do to children forcing myself and my daughter to live elsewhere whilst the court case was going on, all for a bunch of made up lies through jalousy! Up until last year he wanted nothing to do with her and only saw her 3 tmes in the previous year despite living 10 minutes away!!!

Sorry to rant but it annoys me when people presume others are doing things out of spite, i went on the advice i was given by a flo at her old school!!!

Her new school seem to think that i am right but they are going to double check, she has only been there 3 weeks so i haven't done it for long if the advice i was given was incorrect.

thankyou to all those replies that were helpful and not judgemental

peachyprice

I wasn't being spiteful or judgemental, all I was asking is was it her decision. I'm sorry if it came across as you feel it did, it was not meant in that way at all.

I was trying to get to the root of who wanted her to use the name, this makes a BIG difference, and in your original post you didn't make it entirely clear that your DD has chosen the name she wants to use.

I was going to on on to say, if you're at all interested from up there on your high horse, that if it is truly your daughters wish perhaps you should approach the court and get this lifted from the residency order for the good of the child, it is afterall, who the court is there ultimately to protect, not the parents. You also don't say what age your DD is, is she of an age where she could tell an authority figure how she feels about her name?

But hey ho.

p.s What's a flo?

mummym_3

Sorry was a bit sensitive as all he has done and is continuing to do is cause s**t in every area possible.

A FLO is samily liason officer in a school. It was her decision and she was really excited and happy about now however he has brainwashed her tiny mind and she wants to keep him happy. she is 7. So im going to get the preferred name off today, however she is so confused the poor little mite and just wants everyone to be happy.

It annoys me that someone can have a child not provide for them and then leave when the are 3, not see them for the 2st year and half after that, then see them for all of 3 times the following year, then make up a load of allegations about someone because they are jealous, take you to court and then get everything they want all whilst commiting benefit fraud and not paying maintenence for the child they supposedly care about!!!
sorrry rant over.:o

Apologise again for the outbursts.

callow

A friend of mine had a similar problem. Once divorced she changed her name. The children wanted to change their name to her new one, but she knew her ex wouldn't comply. She spoke with the LEA and the school. It was decided that on the roll they would be, for example, Jones known as Smith. When her eldest turned 18 last year she changed her name.

I would speak with the school and the LEA regarding the legalities of the name change.