Ex still harrassing me after so long

anon55

I'm an active member on the MSE forums but I have created this more anonymous profile so that I can post this. I hope the admins don't mind, sorry!

This is mainly a support thread, but there is a bit of a moneysaving aspect to it too!

I split up with this ex over 2 years ago and ever since the break up he took it really badly. He has harrassed me at varying levels ever since. Shortly after we split up he was harassing me by text and voicemails constantly (dozens a day) and even came to my family's home. I went to the police and they were very helpful and warned him not to contact me again. After a short while he did start contacting me again though. I can't remember why I didn't go back to the police then, but I didn't.

Anyway it has calmed down over the past 6 months or so, but he still sends me texts and emails once a week or so, and I still wish they would just stop. I don't think it is frequent enough for the police to be interested anymore. I don't think it fits the official description of harrassment because I don't really feel threatened and he isn't threatening, but I just don't want these constant reminders of his existence any more.

I was wondering, if I went to see a solicitor, is there anything they could do to help me? A restraining order or injuction or something like that? Is it true that I could get a 30 minute consultation with a solicitor for free? What kind of solicitor would I need to see and how much would it cost after the initial consultation? Is there any kind of legal aid for this sort of thing? I have no money!

LeeSouthEast

Non-Molestation Order will fit the bill nicely. Can be obtained quite easily, and best of all come with powers of arrest attached. Have a chat with your solicitor Most offer the first 30 minutes free.

Alternatively, the police will still deal under the national domestic violence definition and pay him a visit to tell him to stop. Or else.

spirit

Can't advise you on the legal aspect, but re the texts and e-mails. Set the e-mails to go directly into your junk folder so you don't get to see them. With the phone, report the texts to the police, get a crime reference number and tell your service provider and they will change your number. They should do it for free with the crime ref number.

January20

Is there no possibility you could change your sim card and get a new mobile number?

Hotspur

A couple of simple things to start with.

1. Change your mobile number as ,mentioned above.
2. Set up a new e mail account/address and stop using the old. You'll be able to export all your contacts from the current e mail to your computer and then import them to the new e mail account. Should take 10 mins max to set up a new yahoo e mail account. http://uk.yahoo.com/
Click on sign up
Above will inconvenience you but stop the text's and e mails as soon as you switch.

Vomityspice

If you want to take action to stop your ex from harassing you, first go and see a solicitor, and when you do talk to him/her specifically about an injunction under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

Under this Act, you will need to prove just two things; a) you are being harassed (i.e. you are being caused personal distress) and b) that there has been a course of conduct. This just means two events (See s. 7 (3)), which includes every form of communication, i.e. speech, text, telephone, mail etc

It is enough, if it can be shown that your ex ought to have known that his conduct was harassing. There is no defence for your ex if he says that he did not know. (See R v Colohan (2001) 3 FCR 409 - http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.a-level-law.com%2Fcaselibrary%2FR%2520v%2520COLOHAN%2520%255B2001%255D%2520EWCA%2520Crim%25201251%2520-%2520CA.doc&ei=HxypSbatLcW0-Ab6-5jcAg&usg=AFQjCNEPSbm_4Klty6GV01m4hCQog-0Gwg&sig2=1KkvMimCdv9AiCqbQUZE7g)

The defences he might have are in s 3(3) of the Harassment Act. The most likely one he will use is that his course of conduct was reasonable. If the texts say things like, "i'll pick up the kids at 5", you might struggle

Dansen

I had a similar experience, its amazing how many other people suffer like this. I felt i was the only one at the time. I kept a log of every single text, email, phone call and recorded his rantings on tape. Due to the huge volume of abuse and harrassment i suffered, after contacting the police and presenting them with the evidence, they issued a Harrassment order on him (without having to go to court). It also lasts a lifetime rather than a specified period of time. This meant he could not contact me in any way and spout forth the rubbish that was in his head. Any breach would have him arrested immediately. Subsequently i found out i was not the only person he had done this to.
Changing ur fone number and email address really is the best thing to do because then you can show that you've done everything you can to stop him contacting you. Then it really will be unwanted contact as he won't have ur current contact details.
Chin up anon55, I know its a horrible thing to go through, but you will get through it xx

Hardup_Hester

About 7 years & counting where my ex is concerned, police aren't interested & solicitor said an injunction would just inflame the situation.

ailuro2

Keep the phone number and the e-mail address active so he still has a place to send texts etc. to. Put the SIM in a cheap phone (e.g. carphone warehouse) and use another mobile for everyone else. Set up a new e-mail account for everyone else too.

Then just don't look at the texts or e-mails.

Good Luck!

[Deleted User]

i thought you had to go to court to file a harrassment order and thats why at the moment i havent taken it further. Im not getting harrassed from him directly but indirectly from him involving my friends. It seems all so petty and im left wondering whether the police would take it seriously. In my opinion is just seems to them it an ex boyfriend tiff because i thought unless he is physically or verbally abusive which he isnt (if i happen to bump into him when hes sober during the day he ignores me, which doesnt happen that often). It only when hes had a drink or is drunk and my friends get the txts or emails late at nite. my friends opionions are if we all ignore him then he will give up eventually but its been over a year. Hes also abusive to my boyfriend as well. Hard up hester I got told that to about the injunction.

Dansen

I think i must have been lucky then. I wonder if the police issued the harrassment order on my ex because he had been in trouble before over a similar thing? It was issued within 2 weeks of me making the complaint. He had threatened to kill me so maybe it forced the issue??