Divorce - Husband won't leave, must the house be sold??

Sam_Spends_Too_Much

I'm writing on behalf of my best friend as she is a bit lost at the moment. Her husband told her yesterday that he wants a divorce - his reason - he's sick of her moaning!! She finds this a bit hard to swallow as she bends over backwards for him and their children (aged 8, 5 and 2). Their house is immaculate, spotless. She cooks, cleans, does his washing and ironing. He wants for nothing. Now he has told her he doesn't like her any more, wants a divorce but he doesn't want to move out.

He's told her that the house has to be sold, but I was under the impression that he must provide for his children until they leave full time education. Can he tell her she has to leave?? They have single bank accounts, he controls all the money (he's very very tight) and all she has is family allowance and tax credit.

Where exactly does she stand in the situation??

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

tango

hi tell your friend to get an appointment asap at the cab, they will be a great help, she needs to start thinking of herself and her kids, and she will need loads of :kisses3: from her mate

margaretclare

Hi

This bloke doesn't want much, does he? He 'doesn't like her any more'. I would have a few sharp words for him - moaning, he'd hear more than moaning!!!

That aside....

No, I don't think she has to move out. It's her home and the children's home! I'm no expert, but it's my understanding that if it came to a divorce, any judge would take into account the amount of work she does, all that cooking and cleaning etc, as 'her contribution'. Even if she made no financial contribution whatever! Just because he wants to play silly b****rs, thinks the grass will be greener somewhere else, tell her on no account to move out, to sit tight until she's had good solid advice from someone who knows and can help her.

Have a look at this: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/ending_a_relationship.htm

Men can be such idiots, can't they? We have a situation going on next door to us. Young couple, 1930s bungalow, she works part-time, have 2 little lads about 5 and 6, she does everything, gardening, tries to make it nice in spite of kids' footballs in her flower-beds, he's been warned about drinking damaging his health, he's violent, they argue, and now it's come to an end. So sad, they could have had an idyllic life, some people just can't resist pressing the 'self-destruct' button.

Sometimes guys aren't happy with the cooking and cleaning etc, they want Paris Hilton as well (as if Paris Hilton would do the cooking etc!!!)

Aunty Margaret

robnye

tell her to stop cleaning/washing/ironing/cooking for him..... he will soon see which side of the bread is buttered.......!

funky-footprints

got to agree with above poster, its realy easy to ignore an ignorant male !! it can also be a very rewarding !!! when my husband and i have a tiff or if he starts to treat me like a doormat i sleep in the spare room for time out and ignore his demands, he hates it .. i love it !!!! it makes him realise just what 'me' the stay at home mum does for him !!!

I hope your friend has the courage to go through all this. For the sake of the kids if he is only sick of her moaning ? ? hello ? ? then i hope they can resolve thier differences. sounds to me he has had a peep at things greener somewhere .. they never are mind... as another poster said, do these men honestly think that paris hilton would clean toilets !!

x

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I'll be blunt as it's your friend's OH and not yours. Tell your friend to get herself a free first consultation with a family law solicitor pronto. You'll find many all women practices specialise in family law and they probably advertise in your local paper. If there's no advert phone your local women's centre, they will have practice names although they won't recommend one. This is a far better option than CAB, and in my experience all women practices deal with your friends scenario all day and every day.
He can't tell her to leave and he can't sell the house without the courts being involved because of the ages of the children and he will have to pay loadsamoney for their support, I sincerely hope.
If he turns nasty, and he could, your friend should contact the local domestic abuse unit, abuse can be emotional and psychological which is already happening it seems to me, they will be extremely suppportive.
Wouldn't mind betting there's a girlfriend.

Spendless

Of my friends who have got divorced and had children in each case they have been allowed to remain in the marital home until their youngest leaves full-time education and a charge has gone on that property to be paid to ex-H when that time comes. the cases I've known it's been less than 50% that has been awarded to ex-h.

Sam_Spends_Too_Much

Thanks for all your replies, I think she's slowly getting used to it. Its just so unlike him, he's not the sort of person to make a spur of the moment decision. He must of been planning it for a little while.

I have an inkling there may be someone else involved, perhaps he's having a midlife crisis!!

Their eldest is very upset, he knows exactly whats going on and isn't taking it too well. The other 2 don't really understand.

From the websites I've been looking at, it appears that he is also entitled to somewhere to live. I know that his income wouldn't stretch to a second house so would the house HAVE to be sold to give each of them a house?? The other thing she was wondering was how she was going to pay the bills/food/clothes etc. Does he have to cover all of these or would she go on to benefits??

Hope all this is helping some others out there as well.

hjb123

I would of thought that your friend does need to get some advice from people who deal with these situations day in day out to know exactly what she is entitled to and what she should claim - and what the ex - or soon to be ex will claim he is allowed to claim.

It sounds like she will be in need of a great deal of support in the near future. Tell her not to let it get her down - and if she has a computer introduce her to MSE - its like another friendly family!!! We'll help her through it!

Spendless

I'm guessing your friend doesn't currently work. Either she will have to go on IS which will entitle her to housing benefit (if renting) or help towards the mortgage (after qualifying period), council tax benefit and free school dinners. She will be allowed to keep a small amount of maintainance. Think its £10 a week(in total not per child) on top of her IS.

Or she could look for a job 16 hours or more per week, where she would get tax credits, but have to pay mortgage/rent/council tax (she might still get a little help with these but it would depend on amount she was getting) and pay for school dinners. Any maintainance she got she could keep and it wouldn't affect the amount of tax credits she received. You can play about with figures here www.entitledto.co.uk or somewhere like CAB can do a 'better off' calculation to see if she is financially better off working or not. If she needs childcare in order to work tax credits can pay towards them.

Turning_into_scrooge

margaretclare wrote:

Hi

This bloke doesn't want much, does he? He 'doesn't like her any more'. I would have a few sharp words for him - moaning, he'd hear more than moaning!!!

That aside....

No, I don't think she has to move out. It's her home and the children's home! I'm no expert, but it's my understanding that if it came to a divorce, any judge would take into account the amount of work she does, all that cooking and cleaning etc, as 'her contribution'. Even if she made no financial contribution whatever! Just because he wants to play silly b****rs, thinks the grass will be greener somewhere else, tell her on no account to move out, to sit tight until she's had good solid advice from someone who knows and can help her.

Have a look at this: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/ending_a_relationship.htm

Men can be such idiots, can't they? We have a situation going on next door to us. Young couple, 1930s bungalow, she works part-time, have 2 little lads about 5 and 6, she does everything, gardening, tries to make it nice in spite of kids' footballs in her flower-beds, he's been warned about drinking damaging his health, he's violent, they argue, and now it's come to an end. So sad, they could have had an idyllic life, some people just can't resist pressing the 'self-destruct' button.

Sometimes guys aren't happy with the cooking and cleaning etc, they want Paris Hilton as well (as if Paris Hilton would do the cooking etc!!!)

Aunty Margaret

As usual Aunty Margaret, an absolutely perfect spot on post that i absolutely agree with :T :A