advice needed -separation agreement and how to start the ball rolling

focus27_2

Hi all and thank goodness for a site like MSE!

I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice on something that is long over due for me. I have previously seen a solicitor for a free consultation. I went on the auspices of gaining advice in re: a separation agreement, however her advice ayt the time was a divorce. I personally didn't want to go for a divorce straight away because there was always the possibility that me and hubby would get back together.

My situation is i have been married for 10 years and we have three children (however eldest child is mine from a previous relationship). Our marriage/trleationship is non- existent and this is not due to not trying. My oh is deceitful and untrustworthy he lies about the slightest thing but also lies about the very serious issues too. For instance we both work and we had an agreement that he took care of the bills and mortgage and i would transfer soo much money to his acc. per week for bills. However this resulted in he not paying the mortgage and me not knowing about it until we have a notice to seek possession of the property.

So much has gone on over the last five years that there is too much to mention here.

However i know my husband has been unfaithful although he has sworn on the children's lives that he hasn't, then later admitted that he lied to prevent me from confronting the other person and i basically have had enough.

We currently have good jobs with decent pay, a mortgaged house and a car each. My finance is paid off for my car, he doesn't pay his and should have completed his payments two years ago- keep telling him to sort it out but he doesn't.

We bought our house 5 years ago and as i mentioned accumalated arrears and we negotiated with the lender a monthly payment which was agreed and a repossession order was granted. We have now paid off all the arrears.

We do have equity in our property which would now be around £30,000. However my husband has charging orders attached to our property 1 was for £7500 and the other around £3000. I'm not sure if they charge interest but neither are being paid and he just says it will be paid from the sale of the property.

We have a joint DMP but i want my own. The DMP total is 22,000 and my sole debts come up to approx £3000 his are the rest. I reduced mine significantly by getting credit card charges paid back. We do pay the monthly instalment and will continue to do so.

My dilemma is at present that i want to get rid of him, he is a drain on me. But i have dilemma's and unsure how to go about it.

1. i want to secure my financial interests and no longer be financially associated to him. Could someone please advise me how ? I dont want his debt or future debt to affect me given that most of his debt was unknown to me until the DMP was set up.

2. I would like him to move out of our mariatal home but he wont. On numersous occassions i 've asked him he said he would but as the date approaches he says he has no where to go. He reckons he wont be able to rent because of his credit rating and also because he doesn't have money for a deposit, furniture and etc, but all he says is, if i give hime the money then he will. Does anybody have any suggestions here?

3. I would prefer to get a divorce however if he refuses to move out can i still get one? If not should i just get a separation agreement drawn up and will this protect me?

4. I reallly dont want to pay a bomb for a solicitor to draw up the agreement, i would prefer to write it up and then get a solicitor to look over it.

5. If i do get a divorce, i want a DIY i cant afford fees and etc.
Although my husband does prove to be a pain, in terms of the children -contact and equity within the house there is some agreement between us. There are no other assets or savings.

6. I dont understand the thing with pensions and how would i find out about his pensions, not that i can beleive he has much. Definitely doesn't have savings he wouldn't know how to save even if his life depended on it!! We both have pensions through our current employment but i'm not bothered about his unless he dies whilst we still married.

7. Our house is mortgaged and the fixed term period ends in Dec 09 also the mortgage lender has stated that no new product would be granted until we are 12 mths arrears free which we will be in September 09. I would like to remortgage and buy him out. Am i doing the right thing?? Not sure if i would be able to get a mortgage tho!!

I have previously asked the lender if the house could be transferred to my sole name if we sorted it out, but apparently you cant do this anymore and i would have to apply for a new product myself! As far as i am concerned the majority of his equity would be swallowed up by his charging orders and he would'nt receive a penny - well in his hand and if he knows this he may become problematic.

If i cant remortgage i will have to sell wont i? I say this because i dont want to have a property that is associated with him. I cant live in a house till my youngest is 18 knowing that he still owns half the property whilst he is incurring more and more debt which may lead to more charging orders and even bankruptcy.

With my equity from the sale of the house i poss would not have enough for a 15% deposit for a new house, but also i might not even get a mortgage due to my poor credit rating and links with him.

So in summary
Want a divorce, in the interim i want to be more financially secure should i get a separation agreement drawn up or a consent order?

I want to also improve my credit rating so def need to get disassociated from him. Any ideas how??

I want to ideally get him off the mortgage and deeds etc how should i do this?

I will ring DMP and get a separate plan and will use a solicitor when i really have to

please can anyone help!!

bestpud

I can't answer your questions, sorry, but I am wondering if you will get more help on the 'mortgage and endowments', or 'debt free wannabe' boards.

I would have a look at them anyway.

I am also wondering why you start by saying you don't want a divorce as you may get back together and then state several times that you do want a divorce?

I realise you are at the end of your tether and it can be hard to see the wood for the trees but it may be worth spending a little time working out what you really want?

If nothing else, it is easier to cope with the emotional turmoil if you are very clear of what you are doing and why.

Floss

TBH, I think you do need to book an appointment with a solicitor - there are a lot of financial issues to be taken into account, not to mention children & pensions (even though I accpet that you may feel there are no issues with these). I am no expert but the fidelity & monetary issues suggest there may be grounds under "Unreasonable Behaviour".

His pension situation will come out during the process, as he will have to declare his financial position to the court.

I would ring some of your local solicitors and get a half-hour appointment, taking your list of questions in with you - they will be able to give an idea of things like costs and it may not be as costly as you think.

There may be a possibility of forcing him to move out either by giving him the money he wants to set up or legally - however I would not recommend paying him unless you can be sure he will not come back for more.

Also, maybe ring your DMP company & speak to someone there (I suggest not the first person to answer the phone, you need an expert!) about the possibility of splitting the DMP & taking your debts on yourself.

Good luck - I think you will need it! Also, you may want to post the DMP questions on another board for more expert advice.

Floss x

MrsTinks

Sorry but I'd have to agree - you really need a solicitor to answer your questions.
The mortgage - most companies will not just take someone off the mortgage, they will insist you apply on your own for a new mortgage and in effect buy the property of you and your partner.
Unfortunately so long as he remains on the mortgage and deeds he has as much rights to live in the house as you do provided he is not abusive.
Financially - DMPwise you need to speak to your DMP provider. Are any of the debts in joint names? Because if they are then you might be running into problems about who should be paying them off - the creditor doesn't care who spent it - they care about getting it back. The fact is if he isn't paying it and your name is on there then they will come after you for ALL the money on joint debts.
You CAN remain in the property that he half owns IF you can make the payments. This is where you really need your solicitor to make sure he doesn't benefit from you paying the mortgage after you split. Even if he goes bankrupt and charging orders get placed on the house - on HIS part of the house! - then they are VERY unlikely to get a forced sale through the courts because his equity in the property is so small and you still live there with your children who are under 18. If later you can afford to buy him out with a mortgage then the charging orders could be settled at this point and he'd more than likely not get a penny
This is why I am saying you really need legal advice to protect your assets

Financial disassociation: easy - get all joint products paid and then closed - current accounts, loans, cards - oh... and mortgage. Sorry but so long as your name is joint on ANY financial product you will be financially associated.

focus27_2

thanks all -for the advice.
bestpud- me wanting to consider staying together was 2 years ago when i approached the solicitor, but even more has happened in the interim and i am soo ready to move on. Can almost taste a normal life!!

Will book to see a solicitor this coming month.

Just another quick question, our equity is 30,000, but charging order is at least 10,000. If we split 50:50 equity, 15,000 for me and after charging orders 5,000 for him. If they apply interest to the charging orders will this then eat into my equity?? sorry if i sound thick!!