What & where I have gone so wrong????

redwineguzzler

Just need someone to tell me i'm not a crap mum....
Had a row with youngest son (18) last monday, he went to stay with a mate, not been home or made contact with me till yesterday, he only text his dad to say he needed more clothes. Came home from work tonite, he was here with his bags in hallway, no intention of staying. Ive had my suspicions he smoking cannabis for some time, if not something worse! said he had slept a couple of nites rough, didn't want to come home at all, no reasons as such, he's turned into a very aloof and distant person, what have I done for him to be like he is now - he used to be such a likeable teenager. wont tell me where he's staying or what he's going to do, not even as much as a hug goodbye?? I feel such a crap mum!
didn't know where else to put this - feel free to move..

searching_me

your not a crap mum you cant watch your kids 24/7 ... i cant really offer any proper advice but im sure someone else can advise you hope things work out luv x

lolababy

Id say let him go as hard as it is.Just tell him that your there for him and that you love him. It may be that he needs time to cool down and this is his way to get some space.
Has he a male relative other than his dad that could mediate between you or he can contact so that you know he is safe.
At the end of the day he is an adult and can do as he wishes.

redwineguzzler

He has 1 older brother & sister, they have both left home, and havn't told me if they have heard from him yet, I dont want for them to worry, and I do know his brother wont tolerate any form of drugs, so have not said anything. We have told him he is welcome back and dont want to see him sleeping rough or getting hurt or in trouble... He just isn't the lad we knew, it just seems he is so troubled and we cant reach him. We have given him the same upbringing as his siblings, so are struggling to understand what has happened?

smartpicture

Try not to worry too much yet, you may well find that after he's tried living on his own for a bit he will start the miss the home comforts and come back again! If not, your relationship may well improve once you're not living on top of each other and doing the nagging parent thing. Just keep saying to yourself, it's a phase, like all the other phases you've no doubt been through...

Savvy_Sue

If you suspect drugs are involved, you could contact Fam-Anon for support and advice.

redwineguzzler

I really appreciate your replys, and yes, probably a bit of space will do us both good, however, it's just difficult to see that far ahead at the moment, just feel tearful and worn out today, obviously didn't sleep that well last night.

Angel17

Hi

First of all you are not a crap mum. I had an difficult 18 years old. Some of the tricks he got up to will go down in family folklore, (stopped short of ever being arrested) and I do not consider myself a crap mum in the least. He is now 23 with a lovely girlfried hes own flat and a good job in multi-national company. Most of them usually work there way through the "difficult years" and come out as well rounded individuals.

Hope everything goes OK.

MaximumImpact

First of all you are not a crap mum. I had an difficult 18 years old. Some of the tricks he got up to will go down in family folklore, (stopped short of ever being arrested) and I do not consider myself a crap mum in the least. He is now 23 with a lovely girlfried hes own flat and a good job in multi-national company. Most of them usually work there way through the "difficult years" and come out as well rounded individuals.

Hope everything goes OK.

I second that.....I was one of those difficult 18 year olds and was previously a difficult 15, 16 and 17 year old who went onto be a difficult 19, 20, 21 and 22 year old........But like nearly everyone I hung around with, we worked through it ourselves, realised we were frittering our lives away.....

I am now married with a little baby and a career....A lot of people still comment on my younger days but I know i've done well and they do too.

Let him make his own mistakes but always be there for him....

redwineguzzler

I know it makes complete sense to let him get on with things, he does not earn a awful lot of money, so heaven knows how he's going to pay his rent, food, etc, I don't even know where he is, or who he's going to stay with? and I know that he smokes cannabis, (I so wish he didn't), I can just see lots of negatives, will he be so miserable he will want to try other drugs to make him feel better? my minds working overtime now, I will always be there for him, but at the moment, he just doesn't want to know? We have had our ups and downs, like anyone does with teenagers, but can't understand why he's being like this at this time? Im happy that you have been there too and come out the other end, it just seems so very very far away at present though. I will keep you all updated!

snowmaid

I think that as a mother it must be one of the most awful things to see your child heading down the wrong path. My daughter has been a rebel too. A wonderful person, who is a mother now. She is an excellent mom, yet I still see her making wrong decisions in her life. They do seem to pull away from you, especially when one lectures.

You need to tell yourself you have done everything possible. You have taught him right from wrong. As an adult he now has to make his choices, be that right or wrong, and then suffer the consequences of those decisions. He will learn that every action has a consequence and that can be a good or bad one.