Early child care options please?

Savvy_Sue

In the UK employers are supposed to give privacy and facilities for breast-feeding mums, but don't know what the law says in Guernsey.

How does your husband feel about being a house-husband though? We have a few on the boards if you want to get their perspective on it.

GOOD childcare is usually expensive! Wherever you are.

Lillibet_2

Re Breastfeeding :

troll35 wrote:

My sister was also lucky to have an understanding employer (Inland Revenue) who provided her with a private room and refridgeration facilities at work.

This is nothing to do with being understanding, this is Law in the UK (not sure if it is the same in Gurnsey?

Back to the original posters question :

However, you won't know if

a) You can/want to breastfeed (you'd be suprised how many women change their minds!)
b) if you can express
c) if baby will accept mixed feeding
d) if you want to go back to work (Yes, really. Some career minded/can't afford to live otherwise Mums completey change when bubs arrives and just WON'T go back!)

until baby arrives.

In my area (Surrey) nurseries will accept babies from 2 months old, not that I'd have been in a remotely fit state to return to work this soon! Apart from anything else, you will still be giving night feeds at this age, and breastfeeding is VERY tiring and expressing even more so! Couple this with having to pop off to express for 20-30 mins 3 times a day (at the very least to get anything like enough milk to sustain baby whilst away from you the next day) and it hardly seems fair taking a salary from your employer IMHO:o

I would suggest you start saving/budgeting now so that you have a slush fund to supplement your reduced income for at least 6 months or better still a year after baby arrives, just to cover yourself.

HTH;)

gemmaj

Thanks for all the replies, its good to know what my options will be.

My work will give me 20 weeks full pay (plus 10 weeks no pay if wanted) or a career break of up to 2.5 years with 10 weeks full pay but I couldn't afford that.

I also get up to £107 per week for up to 18 weeks maternity benefit (I'm not sure if I can claim this while being paid, its all a bit complex!), and then £12.75 per week family allowance.

None of the UK rights apply to me, but at least as I work for the local government "the States" I have a very understanding employer, which is great!

I have not had a proper serious discussion with Chris and house-husbanding, but he has mentioned that he would happily do it. However, I think he has only viewed it as a holiday, not thought seriously about it.

Chris does very little around the house (I encourage but its a slow process). He does almost no cleaning and no cooking - his cookery expertise stretches only to baked beans in the microwave. I am trying to convince him to try microwave scrambled egg, but no joy yet. He has also admitted that he is very nervous about handling a baby - supporting the head, not dropping it, etc, and I have not managed to reassure him about it. Finally, Chris' work is a social affair for him - all his friends work with him. He changed job and had to go back to his original job because he missed the socialising.

To summarise, I think Chris would miss his mates and the social side of work, and also I think he would not be very good - or very interested - in keeping the house clean and cooking while I am at work.

As if that wasn't enough, Chris and I were raised very differently. Chris was raised by the TV. I was almost denied TV. Chris was raised with the expectation that he would work in a shop. I was raised with my parents expecting alot more of me than shop work. I don't mean to criticise shop workers - that is just how I was raised, and in certain ways I am a bit of a snob because of it. I guess I am a bit worried that Chris will not encourage the kid the way that I would. We have discussed our differences, and Chris knows and agrees that our child will have a TV limit and will be doing more "traditional" pursuits (drawing etc etc etc) but he has always joked that when I am out and he is in charge it'll be TV, TV, TV ... I guess I am just worried that he will fall back on how he was raised.

Phew, that is rather long and rather bearing my soul and my deepest fears, but I hope that explains why I don't think the option is for Chris to be house husband.

I don't know how much support I will get from family - I think both sides will love to baby sit but my mother has already made it clear (albeit indirectly) that she would not be a part-time-carer while I work. Not that my parents have never surprised me <hopeful!>


Edited to add - I have been saving £100 per month towards my baby fund for several years now. Its not much, but with the mortgage thats all I can afford at the mo. On the plus side it won't be touched for ANYTHING other than the baby!

abgirl

Gemma, I have recently gone back to work following 9 months maternity leave and my husband has left work to stay at home and look after our baby. I did have some doubts about how this would work but am now very glad we have taken this option.

Benefits are:

1. I can ring my hubbie any time I like to find out how baby is doing
2. We can live to a good standard on my salary.
3. There was no hassle trying to find a suitable nursery/childminder.
4. We can agree how baby will be treated/brought up. You can have a lot more frank conversations with your hubbie than you can with a childminder/nursery if you're not happy with something.
5. Baby gets lots of one to one individual parental attention.

It has been hard to come back to work, even though it's what we always planned, but it has helped to know that Baby is with someone he knows, rather than relative strangers. Husband has missed the social side of work, but still regularly plays sport. We are also lucky in that there is a Dads and Babies group nearby, and an excellent children's centre, where hubbie and baby do structured courses - sing and sign, baby massage.

Your husband will have to learn how to do housework, cook etc anyway, because once that baby arrives you won't have the time/energy to do anything other than looking after the baby for the first three months - it's the best thing you'll ever do though!

HTH

SammyD_2

There has been some really good advice on this thread so far, but here is my penny's worth...

There are lots of advantages to having your husband at home with your baby, as well as those already posted by others. My husband works shifts, so is at home usually two days a week with our children (aged 2yrs, and six months). Those are the best days for me as I do not have to worry about getting the children ready to take to childcare, getting their bags packed, getting their lunch/dinner ready to send/ then load them into the car, out of the car, race back to the car to the train station, then doing it all in reverse at the end of the day.

There is also a lot of "stuff" that needs to be done for children that really the parents have to do - like MMR vaccinations, doctors appointments, new shoe fittings etc etc. It makes life a lot easier if your husband can do it rather than having to take time off work. It also means that if your little one is sick then you don't have to panic about who stays at home.

If you have to rule out your husband staying home, I really recommend a childminder if you can find someone you like. Nurseries have all sorts of great things going for them, and they were initially my first choice for my son when he was a baby. But there were no vacancies at the nurseries I liked, so we looked for a childminder (my son was 7 months old). It was the best thing I did, as she has been fantastic and my son has just one person looking after him and it is in a much more homely environment than a nursery (obviously!)

From my own experience, you might find it difficult to express milk to give your baby (don't believe all the hype about breast pumps - they are not the same as a baby sucking!) or your little one might refuse a bottle - like both mine did. My childminder ended up giving formula in a cup (but not very successfully) and then I breastfed my son when I got home from work. And then about every hour through the night as he made up for lost time!

I am not trying to be negative - you will be able to go back to work, but try to have the most time off you can so that the feeding/sleeping stuff is a bit more sorted - a three month old is so different to a nine month old. It is just so so hard being a working mother for all sorts of reasons, and even harder if you have a husband who is not the best domestically - as other posters have said, he has to sort that out. But having a bit more time off means you will have an easier time as you are just juggling the demands of your baby with your own needs, rather than also adding work into the mix.

Best of luck.

Smi1er

ALL IMHO...

Gemma, will your relationship with Chris actually last? You seem, from the posts I've read, that you look down on him for working in Woolies.

Bottom line is you earn more than him so it makes sense that if one of you is to care for the child then it should be him.

What's wrong with been a house husband??

Someone else said a childminder will cost £7K.... so that £10K of Chris's gross wage. How much does he earn? What I'm getting at is that Chris, if he continues to work, will effectively be working for hardly any money once the childcare costs are taken into account.

I'm afraid I'm of the old school where I strongly, very strongly, believe that one of the Parents should stay at home to bring the kids up. I've yet to hear a reasonable reason as to why that can't be Chris.

Alleycat

Although I am not against mothers returning to work (I am one!) I would have to say that I don't agree with sending a child to nursery/childminders when they are only a few months old. I was shocked at how much of a baby mine was when she started nursery at 6 months.

If you have the option of one of you staying at home, at least until he or she is older, then I would grab it with both hands. So the housework won't get done during the day, it would be exactly the same if you were both at work! So your husband's idea of raising children is different to yours. Would you compromise your views on it, or is it only your husband who would have to fit your ideals?

I am assuming that you would be returning to work fulltime. I don't think leaving a child in childcare (whatever it is) for 8 or so hours a day when it may not be necessary is beneficial for anyone.

Just to add, my partner was really nervous before our baby was born about handling her. It took him a few weeks, but he was soon the most confident (and the best!!) dad with her. Yes, he does (or at least did when she was immobile!) rely on the tv more than I would like, but that is his choice. He is just as much part of her growing up as I am. They spend every friday afternoon together without me as I am at work and have a great time. I am really glad that he is able to spend this quality time with her without me poking my nose in. It has definately helped with the bonding.

Sorry, just one last point, I promise! You should consider that you may not be physically fit enough to return to work so soon after giving birth. With sleepless nights, recovering from the birth etc I know I couldn't have done it. I know some women do, but you need to think of your health as well. If you need to have a c-section, I have been told that the doctors usually suggest that you give yourself at least 6 to 8 weeks to fully recover.

Spendless

Though it was hubby who was the bread winner in our family. We were in a similar position when I had eldest. Childcare would have taken most of my wages so I stayed at home to look after him, which meant I could take him to doctors appt, and toddler groups etc. As we needed some extra money coming in when he was 7 months old I found a job working 2 evenings and 1 Sunday morning a week at a convenience store whilst hubby was at home. So I fetched home exactly same amount as if I'd been at work full-time during day and paying a childminder/nursery and the baby always had a parent at home looking after him. After a few months I found a job where I just worked 3 hours each weekday night when hubby came home from work.

gemmaj

I found a job working 2 evenings and 1 Sunday morning a week

Unbelievably, I hadn't actually thought of getting an evening/ saturday job - may have to consider that one, since hubbie never works Saturdays!

But I am currently planning on having my max-allowed 30 weeks off, then returning to work part time, maybe 15 hours a week - with my parents baby sitting! I spoke with them and they are happy with that so long as its not all week.

After all the information I've had, though, I am a bit worried about the feeding (by my parents) while I am at work. I am determined to breast feed if at all possible, but what if I can't express? Or the baby won't take the bottle? Is this a potential disaster or is there always a way around?

finc

gemmaj wrote:

I am determined to breast feed if at all possible, but what if I can't express? Or the baby won't take the bottle? Is this a potential disaster or is there always a way around?

I believe that you should always plan whatever you can control but please don't worry about this part just yet. If you stress about it you may find it more difficult to breastfeed/express anyway. Relax a little and see how your baby feeds and take it from there.

My daughter breastfed at first and I was fortunate that I found it easy to express and she would also take a bottle so despite some people having trouble you may not.

On the money side I have no family who I could use as childcare so I've taken a 4 year career break and money is very tight. I try to sell as much on ebay as possible and we've cut back in many ways. Nothing quite fills the gap of the missing salary but I wouldn't change that. Worst comes to the worse I either return to work early or get a part time job.

My attitude does come across as burying my head in the sand a little but they are only babies for such a short time. My first child went to childcare from 6 months old and I now know how much I missed out on and wish I'd done things differently.

Best of luck with whatever you decide but please don't panic about things that you can't control or plan.