Funeral advice?

Amysmum_2

I am normally a reader of this site rather than a poster, but am looking for independent advice.

Without going into too much detail at this stage, my sister committed suicide at the weekend.

There has to be coroner's report and everything, so we cannot hold a funeral for some time, but some "do-gooders" have told our Mum that we will not be able to bury her in the village churchyard where the rest of the family are.

Does anyone know if this is still trie? I thought this was a thing from years ago.

Sorry, can't explain more.

christineperseus

If you die inthe Parish you can be burried in the churchyard!

webitha

firstly i am sorry for your loss
secondly it depends i know f some catholic priests that have refuseed to allow a suicide to be buried on holy ground, as it is a mortal sin, but if not catholic then their should not be a problem, go speak to yur local vicar/priest
thirdly ignore the local do-gooders they normally do more harm than good with their vicious tongues

carlislelass

someone committing suicide can`t be buried in consecrated ground, left to individual vicar/ priest

margaretclare

If you want her buried in the village churchyard with the rest of the family then you have a good case for doing so. Is there space for another grave there alongside the rest of them? If there isn't, you could consider having her cremated and then interring her ashes in one of the other graves.

It's really up to whoever is in charge of the village churchyard so you need to speak to the vicar and/or the churchwarden or verger, whoever looks after the churchyard. Don't let ignorant bigoted ill-informed people upset you at this tragic and difficult time. Go to the people who can give you a definitive answer.

God bless.

bluebell13

carlislelass wrote: »

someone committing suicide can`t be buried in consecrated ground, left to individual vicar/ priest

I know that this is true in days gone by but don't think it is now. Please speak to the local vicar as he/she will have a definite answer.

Floss

I second Bluebell13.......you really need to speak to whoever is in charge of the church.

Also, if you need any other advice re the inquest process, contact your Coroner's Officer or FLO, or even your Coroner's office. They are real people who will be happy to help you, even to showing you & your mum around the Coroner's "court" (think of it as just a big room) to put your mind at ease before the inquest is heard.

This may help with other practicalities, it's from the CAB website: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/what_to_do_after_a_death.htm

Smashing

It is rare that burial would be refused.

Those who have taken their own life may be buried in consecrated ground.

There is a special form of service for those who die knowingly by their own action, and this may be used after consultation with the Area Bishop.

Those who were not responsible for their own action may receive a Christian funeral service. This applies to cremations and burials.

The latter would cover most circumstances as the majority of those who commit suicide could be considered to be of unsound mind due to mental illness and other such circumstances.

Said 'do gooders' can go and shove it - you need to surround yourself with supportive people and ignore the busybodies.
I'm incredibly sorry to hear about your sister and having lose someone close to suicide I know what a turbulent time it can be. My thoughts are with you.

tattoed_bum

hi, im very sorry for your loss ,please accept any help that is offered to you at such a difficult time ,
and please ignore the do-gooders my ex boyfriend commited suicide last year and he was buried in the churchyard with his grandfather .

have a word with your vicar/priest as he is the best person to deal with at this time he will help give you all the answers you need to know in regards to service and burial.

Janepig

Have you been in touch with a funeral director yet? They would know. I really wouldn't rely on the word of gossip-mongers and would get the definitive answer either from the church, or my personal preference would be from the funeral director. I thought that although you may know what happened to your sister, the actual formal verdict of suicide will be afew months down the line, after the funeral, so how can anyone refuse when no formal verdict as to cause of death will have been given by then?

Jxx

sarymclary

Hello Amysmum,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Any death is difficult to deal with, but I know suicide can be particularly difficult.

I think your mum should probably ignore the rather nasty people who have suggested such a thing to her. They certainly can't have the kindest of hearts, can they? Not so much do-gooders, as do-badders.

Anyway, I don't believe there is much chance of your sister not being granted a full Christian burial, wherever your family requests it. I know this for a fact, bearing in mind someone I knew committed suicide last month, and was buried in the local churchyard, after a full service, attended by many.

The only factor to prevent your sister being buried near to other relatives may be lack of plots near/beside them, although a double plot may have been purchased previously. I was offered a double plot when I organised my husband's funeral.

Your local vicar/priest is the person to be talking to. They see grief so much, and really can offer you the kindest, best advice at a time like this. If your mother is too upset to talk to them, perhaps you or someone else could do so on her behalf, to save her the worry?

Thinking of you and your family now, and if you ever feel the need to come back and just tell us how you're feeling, or look for some support, remember this site is 24/7, and someone will always be here for you.

Take care.
S x