My son has been snatched from my life...

teckle_2

Sorry not sure if this is the right forum for this, i couldnt find another under similar family category. Just going through a lot right now and wondering if anyones been through a similar situation and have any positive experience afterwards

Here my story of the most devastating and heartbreaking thing thats ever happened to me and my family. Every morning since the 20th iv'e woke up with bad dreams, or in a dark depression if im able to sleep at all. Was 1 month sunday past since the last time iv'e seen my wee boy.

On the 20th of Jan i received a letter from a solicitor in london saying my 2 year old sons mother has permenantly moved down there with him, on the letter she says she wants to stay in contact as its in my sons "best interests", but after one phone call, she wont answer anymore, wont reply to emails nor texts. She asked if she could take him down over the weekend on the 9th of this month to visit her boyfriend(who she has been seeing since we broke up 10 months ago, he is currently married and going through a divorce) and i said ok, during the following week on the wednesday she phoned and asked if its ok to stay down this weekend also, i voiced that im unhappy about it and finally just said "ok" for the peace of it and she said she'd be back up on the 19th with our son so i could spend a week with him. On the 20th i received the letter, also found out this premeditated "parental abduction" was planned for 4+ months, they have a house from the council down there im told, my sons cot and all his toys are moved too, all this behind my and my familys back. Her mother even gave her blessing to her im told now.

The situation before this incident i thought was great between us, i had my son every friday 3pm - sunday 3pm, never a weekend passed i never had him, took him extra nights too ofc, she actually said she wouldnt let me have him more than 2 nights when i asked for 3(unless it suited her for visiting down in London ofc). I always payed twice as much child support than i had too, and we really did speak ok. I stupidly trusted her. She seen how much we all bought for his birthday and christmas as they both in december, the 6 massive collages i bought for presents for my mum and gran....she knows how much he means to us all, i had to put away his 1st thomas bike and train set this week, it hurts too much too see them atm. Maybe one of the reasons she did what she has, he always smiled and laughed into my arms when i seen him every week and was a grump when she came to pick him up....she voiced her anger,jealousy(it was silly, she knew he loved her loads) at that etc. Had a holiday for a week fully booked/ up in inverness too on the 23rd-29th to take my son, i don't think it's coincidence the timing of her viscious doing.

Well we went to the solicitor the next day following the letter, and soon as i said her name he said " bad feeling about this one moment", seems she has visited him before and he couldnt represent me as it would be a conflict, seems she has done this for a number of family solicitors in my home town, have one finally now tho altho he doesn't seem very good as he didnt even comprehend what she done was wrong and said she is allowed too and all we can do if go for access etc....i found it quite ironic me quoting laws to a lawyer when i was there for advice myself. After much explaining and showing of laws from photocopys, he finally said "o yeah, it is parental abduction and you do have parental rights and responsibilitys, and what she has done is a crime" . A crime that seemingly has to go through courts instead of being enforced upon instantly, i'm told i can phone the police and social services, but they will only pay her a visit not bring my son back until the court caper is over.

I'm rambling on now and could add a million character descriptions etc but all i want to know if how anyone could sleep at night or be called a fit mother or even not understand snatching a child out of a loving parents life to live 330 miles away would destroy their lives. If i knew my son wanted to be there away from all his family to live with a mother who thinks of her well being above his, then i'd let him go no matter how much it hurts, but i know he doesnt and no child would. I know i can never trust her again, or possibly speak to her after all the pain she has caused. I've missed a month of my sons life, i don't know what the future holds or when i'll be able to see him again, but i do know i wouldn't be a much of a father if i didn't do my best to get him back home.

ben500

Have you considered approaching fathers for justice to see if they can offer any advice? I know they come across as loonies all too often, I suspect however given your current circumstances you can perhaps understand why these people go to the lengths they do to draw attention to such situations.
I sympathise with you having been through similar myself had ffj been around at the time I would certainly have sought their advice. This is not going to be easy for you, the legislation may well be there for you, getting it enforced is a whole different monster though. Any advice you receive here will be conflicting and based on insufficient personal detail to offer you any concrete help, I'm sure others will be along to offer some kind of support though.

seven-day-weekend

Have no advice for you other than Fathers for Justice, as above, but just wanted to say I'm SO sorry and don't know how a mother can deprive her son of his obviously loving father.

lynzpower

I dont have much advice to offer but to say hold on.

Really do feel for you, best of luck xx

winnie81

No real advice other than Fathers for Justice but I needed to say I really understand and feel for you. What an awful situation to be in I couldn't imagine ever doing such an awful thing to my OH or our kids, they would all be devastated.

I sincerely hope you get regular contact sorted out ASAP and that you, your son and your family see each other like before.

Best of Wishes Claire

busiscoming2

I don't know really what to say, I assume as she hasn't left the country, there possibly isn't a great deal that can be done. Drawing from personal experience and with hindsight, keep regular contact with him, photos, letters etc, I understand it isn't what you want to hear but there is probably a good chance your ex will keep you away from him, but in the long run by keeping in contact with him, when he is old enough to understand he will know you didn't abandon him and all though you may miss out on his formative years, you would still have his friendship/love later.

Don't mean to kick you when you are down, but feel you have to be realistic.

Paparika

If this is abduction, why has the police not been involved, a child get abducted and it's all over the news is it?

Usually a father takes the child, maybe abroad and its all over the news, this isn't so different.

If this is real then my sympathy for you, I assume you were separated from the child's mother? were you married, or just bf and gf?

Many people move towns, and as long as there is a contact address then that's something to go on isn't it?

Were you still living together? Is your name on the child's birth certificate?

fsdss

teckle
i'm so sorry that you are going through this...my main point of concern is your health- making sure that YOU are getting the support you need for how you are feeling - it appears, quite naturally by the way, that you're going through a trauma and grief (meaning loss or separation).
dealing with this trauma would be my first point of moving forward as it will clear your mind better, enable you to sleep, and you become more stronger and think more logically.
there is a way forward, but the stronger you are mentally, the greater the chance of a successful reunion.

blackpool_mummy

i lost my son over a year ago in a court case with my ex husband my son didnt want to go and see his dad he went mad every time he had to courts didnt believe me and throught it was me tryin to get at my ex which it wasnt resulted in the courts givin my boy to his dad courts take a dim view these days of mothers taking away children from there fathers broke my family in half that court case did . i told the whole truth in that court and lost he lied and won .

teckle_2

I'm truly sorry to hear that blackpool mummy, i hope your still able to get access to him.

Paparika wrote: »

If this is abduction, why has the police not been involved, a child get abducted and it's all over the news is it?

Usually a father takes the child, maybe abroad and its all over the news, this isn't so different.

If this is real then my sympathy for you, I assume you were separated from the child's mother? were you married, or just bf and gf?

Many people move towns, and as long as there is a contact address then that's something to go on isn't it?

Were you still living together? Is your name on the child's birth certificate?

Yeah it's by law parental abduction, as ive PRR (co-signed birth certificate after may06) she needs my consent to take him away from his habitual residence to anywhere for more than two weeks, it isn't international abduction but it might as well be, with it being 330 miles away, ive found out if this happened in england to scotland, she would be ordered straight back down there, but the legal system is different slightly up here, and the rule doesnt apply im led to beleive. She hasn't gave me a contact address or landline number, i only have her mobile and email address, which she refuses to answer. I don't know how she can do what she is doing, i should of contacted the police but my family told me to get a solicitor first, i regret not contacting them and all other authoritys first, now i'm not sure what to do and the waiting game for a response from her solicitor is just hell.Going to check out ffj thanks
Thank you all for your support btw, i really appreciate it, first time i've let it all off my shoulders really, have had to be the "guy who never lets anything get to him" for the sake of my family and grandmother.

nadnad

with all the dads out there who do nothing for their kids, your ex should be thrilled with you being her childs father. This is a horrible situation for you and I truly hope you get something sorted. If your solicitor is no good can you not go to a different town and find a better one? Also def. contact fathers for justice. Fingers are crossed for you. Good Luck.