daughters social life

nickj_2

i want to get my 2 girls out and about and seeing friends at weekends , i don't mean going to clubs or activities but just hanging out , my oldest is nearly 14 , she has 2 close friends who she only sees once or twice a month , but at weekends she's just got no get up and go for organising her social life despite me and my wife encouraging her to get out there and do stuff . she's quite happy to mooch about the house doing nothing , she'll talk to friends on msn etc. she's very concientous about doing homework which i'm delighted with , but there's more to life than school work , we don't put any pressure on her to do it , that's just the way she is but i think at her age although she's too young to leave the nest , she should be at least learning to fly -or is this just what teenagers do these days , i think when i was her age after i'd done my chores i was out with friends all day

naturally_2

Does she/ could she go to interest groups outside of school? Could you enrol her in some that she would like?

Have you offered to give her the space to have sleepovers etc?

nickj_2

she goes to a dance class during the week and , and she does have aand go to sleepovers ,
it's just the everyday hanging out with mates that i would prefer her to get involved with , rather than having a club to go to

Rachel85

I remember being just like your daugher (and my parents being just like you!) at just about her age. I can tell you, it was a phase that soon passed.

For me I think it was about not really having a great deal to do, and not wanting to ask people to do things and be turned down, if you see what I mean?!

I would suggest you go out and do something and her take a friend, and then see if its something she could do without you. Or maybe suggest she has some friends to sleep over and get a DVD, etc.

Alikay

nickj wrote: »

it's just the everyday hanging out with mates that i would prefer her to get involved with , rather than having a club to go to

I don't think many teenagers do that everyday hanging out thing anymore. Other people are generally disapproving of young people hanging around in groups without any specific purpose, and mine tended to be like your DD staying in on MSN and just going out to explorer scouts, football, cricket, a gig by a local band etc. There was the occasional DVD session, sleepover or whatever, but on the whole they did their socialising by text, myspace or MSN.. The oldest two are now 18 and 20 and never in, but DS2 (15) is always in on the PC apart from cadet nights and the rare party or other organised activity.

I blamed the fact that ours didn't go to the local comp but an academy in the city centre, so their friends were scattered all over town, but friends who's kids do go to schools nearer home say that theirs are the same. Mine did sometime get a bit livelier in the summer and go off for a kick about in a park - maybe your DDs will too.

If your daughters are happy, have friends are are doing OK at school I wouldn't worry...they seem perfectly normal to me!

vixarooni

I ditto what the others say. She seems fine to me. It is winter aswell, it doesnt insipre most people to spend all day outdoors in the cold and rain.

I would let her concentrate on her work and then see how she goes in a few years. When she comes crawling back home at 2am in the morning knocking on the door because shes forgotten her key you'll be glad of times like this!

flea72

i have the same problem as you. my daughter has no social life at all, only chats to friends on the phone if they ring her, basically totally lacking any interests outside the home, and would rather spend weekends trotting around diy stores/garden centres with me and OH.

recently she amazed us by asking to go the local nightclub's under 18s night, we were like ok, just tell us where and when you need a lift. the day came, she had a slight sniffle, and decided she was too ill to go.

WHAT!!! when i was her age, id have dragged myself out clubbing, even if i was at deaths door

But as you say, on the other hand, shes no problem.

I just dont get it, as soon as i was old enough to be let out the house, my parents didnt see me other than at meal or bed time - and if i did 'have' to stay in, i spent it in my room, rather than sitting watching the same programmes as my parents.

For her bday she had 2 friends sleepover and guess what they did. All 3 of them sat in the living room with me and OH watching tv!

My how times have changed. im not sure if its because we put the fear of god into the nowadays about stranger danger, or perhaps we mollycoddle them too much. DD doesnt see the point in hanging around the streets, she says its cold and all there is to do, is stand around and chat. Me thinks she is missing the point. Chatting to friends about nothing, is what being a teenager is all about

However, im now dreading that one day she'll play catch-up and be ten times worse, than my mother ever said i was :rotfl:

Flea

marshallka

I would say as long as she is happy doing what she is doing then ENJOY it cause usually it does not last forever.;)

456789

marshallka wrote: »

I would say as long as she is happy doing what she is doing then ENJOY it cause usually it does not last forever.;)

Very true - oh how I long for the freedom of youth

nickj_2

it does just seem such a total waste of life - i can remember all the "adventures " that me and my mates used to get up to and they still mak us laugh now when we recall them .
one of the problems is that at primary school out of 30 kids in her class 2/3rds were boys and of the remaining girls only 4-5 live in our village .

sarymclary

My eldest son is very much like this. Coming up for 17, barely goes out, unless he has some cash in his pocket to take to snooker, or go shopping with some girl mates. I have a 15 y/o who would be out all day, all night given the chance, but he's almost permanently grounded due to bad behaviour! I have 2 younger boys too, an my 8 and 10 y/o desperately want to play with friends, but none of their mates are allowed out to play! They go to knock for them, but unless the parents then agree to let my boys go in, they don't play. My boys actually want them to come out to play.

We live in a very small town, most people tend to know each other by sight, if not to talk to. My OH is born & bred here, and in 40+ yrs has never heard of an abduction, or even attack on a child by a stranger. The worst that has ever been in the local paper is a teenage lad giving some teenage girls a 'flash'. He got caught because people knew him!

I believe it's down to parents 'protecting' their children for far too many years that they don't learn to occupy themselves outside the home, especially before they can get an interest too early in video games and online chat on MSN. The fact that health & safety laws prevent them from being able to go swimming without an adult, despite having been to the same leisure centre for lessons for years, to a very competent level seems silly too. They don't want to go swimming with their mum!

I'm lucky that my 4 boys all play really well together, so for instance, today they have an instant group to play snowball fights. They can have a reasonable kick about with a ball at the park, without having to round up several friends.

It pretty much sums it up when the local primary school here called me 3 days after the start of term last September to query why my 2 youngest were cycling to school, and if they'd done a 'Bike Wise Course'. I told them no, but they'd been cycling on roads for many years with me, and I'd actually accompanied them on their cycle to school. School weren't happy with the situation, and told me so, but after I suggested they query it with the headmaster as to the school's stance on it, they knew that they couldn't actually ask the children not to cycle in. Honestly, it beggers belief that a child's first experience of cycling on a road has to come as part of an after school club run when they're aged 10! I pointed out that my 8y/o is capable of cycling 6 miles, and the 1 mile trip to school really wasn't that challenging for him, and I'd taken them on bike rides since they were all aged about 4/5.

The fact is, not all parents are like me. I had 3 lads come to play here 2 weekends ago, and one of the parents commented that she'd have never done that (I have 4 already here). I mentioned that not many of the children at the school seem allowed out to play, and she said she had no idea when she felt her lad would be old enough to do that - he's 11! I pointed out that in a few months he'll be at secondary school, but even then she seemed to think that would be too early. I just commented that if the children are asking to do things like walk to the corner shop, meet friends outside of school, then that is the time to allow it. It's a natural development to want to explore, and as parents we should give our kids far more credit for being bright enough to keep themselves safe. We have the benefit now of mobile phones to keep in touch, so should feel even more reassured.