Dept Head visiting me at home - eek - need advice

miamiink

Hi there

Hope someone can help me!!

I have been signed off work since this monday just gone with work related stress as I have had problems with my manager. She wasnt aware of the problems before Monday but is now obv. She hasnt contacted me either which I am thankful for.

Basically i have been back at work since my mat leave finished since april last year so about 9 months now and have just found out I am pregnant again :j (but only 6 weeks so far)

Since I have been back I have been managed by someone who used to work alongside me in the same job role I do now. I never really had much to do with her as its a big office and I had no pre conceived ideas about her. I have struggled to communicate with her as she doesnt have much in the way of empathy or compassion. If you make a mistake she blames you in a negative way - if you explain why you made the mistake she will never accept that you were doing what you believed was right or acknowledge anything apart from the bare bones ie it was a mistake etc. She follows policies to the letter and to the point of making you feeling like a fraud for trying to get her to sign of a payment etc.

More recently I have kept notes (since oct) and I have about 15 major things that have happened where I have had issues. Wont bore you with them all but basically the worst management issue I had was where I was covering lunches for eight people - (there was two off us) and I had forty minutes to complete two large payments before a cut off and I also had to book some funds before the markets moved (also before the same cut off) These separate items would take around twenty minutes each so i was up against it and my colleague had the same sort of work and deadlines. My manager emailed me asking for a report on an incident the week before by the same time as my deadlines for customers. I emailed her straightback saying politely what work I had on and would an hour later be ok. She called me from across the office and in a rather annoyed and slightly aggressive tone said she needed it now and it had to be ready for then - i reiterated it wasnt possible and to take a look for herself at the pressure i was already under. After ten minutes she decided an hour later would suffice and swanned off to lunch. The thing that got me was I completely managed her expectations immediately and gave her reasons why (as we are taught to do) and also I was doing work for customers which involved them completing on properties so kinda important!!

Anyway above is just one instance to give you an idea its not pregnancy hormones etc :rolleyes:

After a particularly nasty situation last friday i woke up feeling sick on monday at the thought of work so took myself down the docs who said my blood pressure was waaaay to high and signed me off immediately for two weeks cos of bambino etc. He refered me to a counsellor and wrote on my sick note (stress at work).

Now this has all come to a head cos of the sicknote and I have just received a call from this managers manager who is very concerned and sounded lovely about it all. She has spoke To Occ Health and the upshot is that she is coming to visit me on monday. Now I am terrified, my stomachs churning and I feel sick. Not helping with my morning sickness i can tell you.

Can anyone offer some advice please??

(Have just re read above and I hope it doesnt sound like 'normal pressure' and I should just live it - honestly it is her lack of people skills and the whole team agree with me and we all have issues but it seems i am the only one it has got this bad with)

staffie1

who is coming to see you? your manager or your manager's manager?

miamiink

Sorry my managers manager so the person i have the issues with - its is their boss coming.

staffie1

OK, why are you feeling terrified then - you said she was really nice on the phone..?

Also, have you confronted your manager to explain how she makes you feel when she speaks to you like your a piece of dirt? I went through a similar situation myself recently.

miamiink

Hi staffie

I know I shouldnt feel terrified as she is really nice and I have worked with the person visiting for many years even helping them train when they first began. She was lovely on the phone to me even so far as saying i cant wait to see your house (she remembers when i bought it and has seen pics) and make sure the kettles on. Everything she has said should have reassured me
but I am still stressing about it and i dont know why. I feel like im getting someone into trouble which I have never done. Also feel like once my manager finds out whats been said then my stress will be transferred to her and instead of one person losing their confidence it will be the both of us. ALthough she clearly doesnt like me and im not her fav fan i am still struggling to imagine how this will make her feel and i am feeling very guilty for not ignoring it like everyone else in my office. Does that make sense??

liuhut

Maybe they have concerns about the manager?? Just stick to the facts and dont be pushed into anything. Try not to think about it over the weekend (easier said than done!)
hope it goes OK
xxx

miamiink

No havent told the person i have these issues with that i am struggling to deal with them - I didnt know how to tell them and it has snowballed from there. She will know now though.
I did once raise a formal issue with her about a situation i had at work and she said she will sort it but has never yet come back to me to explain what she has done or to see if i feel any better. So i suppose i dont think she would do anything anyway.

miamiink

liuhut wrote: »

Maybe they have concerns about the manager?? Just stick to the facts and dont be pushed into anything. Try not to think about it over the weekend (easier said than done!)
hope it goes OK
xxx

Thank you - I didnt think about it like that. When i first joined back after mat leave we were all asked to submit feedback on her and the team i work with all got together and wrote quite a long and negative piece of feedback on her which went to the head i am seeing monday. As i had only been under her wing about three weeks I declined their offer to participate so i know it has been raised before about her skills. Also we are the poorest performing team so i guess that should raise questions. I know for a fact though the management must be aware of it and I am the only one who has raised these issues formally.

Poppy9

You have nothing to fear if you doc has signed you off sick. It's good that your employer is addressing the stress at work issue quickly so it can be resolved.

If it helps put together concise notes and have someone with you when she visits.

No doubt she will have spoken to your line manager already to see if she feels there are an issues. She might think along the lines that you resent her because you were equal and now she's your boss etc. It's often hard when people are promoted within an organisation to get it right and to be accepted in the new role.

Anyway I'm sure that whatever the problem they will take steps to remedy it.

staffie1

If the lady coming to see you is professional, she won't be going back blabbing to your manager about everything you've said. It will be between you and her. As Liuhut says, she may already have concerns about your manager (i.e. complaints from others, her own observations, etc).

Out of interest, are you in a union? Whether you are or not, bullying / harassment in the workplace is illegal these days, so the person coming to see you will be keen to sort this out as you could bring a claim against the company. It's good you've kept notes. If it was me, I would tell the lady on Monday about this and invite her to look at them (but don't let her take them away with her!)

miamiink

Hi Poppy
Yes i have made some notes - i had to to help me sleep lol! Reading them back i am shocked at seeing it down on paper and think was it really me that happened to. Just looks very extensive iyswim.
I dont *think* it could be the promotion as I never worked with her that well before and another person got promoted at the same time - she was my team leader before this one - and she was and still is wonderful, I have got a lot of time for the other promoted manager and work well with her. Also I think that maybe the same could be applied to my Head of Dept as wen she started I helped train her in my role then less than a year later she was manager and a year later head of dept and I have a lot of respect for her. Can see your point though and it has made me think the types of questions i may be asked on monday
Thank you