Should i be feeling sad for someone i don't know?

sad1_2

i am a regular member but don't want to be identified.
i hope i don't write too much to read, but i suppose as i can't reallly 'talk' to anyone about it, writing it down may help.

i have just found out recently, that someone i kind of knew, died.


i didn't really know her personally, but i knew her face and voice, said hi/hello to her, had a small conversation, like 'how's your son doing at school now etc,

my little one and her little one, were in the same nursery sessionm, in the afternoons, 3years ago. and they were both in the same reception class, but now they are in different yr1 classes. i communicated with her little one while i helped out in the class last year and before that. since then i only said hi/hello, greeted or smiled and talked to her just the day before....

at first when i heard of the news i couldn't believe it, it was a great shock as she was very beautiful, a very young mother of two, and i thought maybe it was an accident - i couldn't ask b4, but have just found out that it wasn't an accident, apparently it was self inflicted......

i understand that her family and closest family must be devasted and finding it really hard to pick up the pieces, but i am feeling sad for her too. i have cried on occassions, prayed for her soul and can't help but feel a bit of anger at her too, how could she do it and leave her family and two beautiful little ones.

should i be feeling like this. i can't help it but it is going round and round in my head, so many things, how long will it be for me to 'not' think about it. am i being selfish writing this on here -

Threebabes

I think what you are feeling is completely normal. You are going to be sad for the kids loosing their mother, also for the mother who mustve been in a bad place to do what she did, maybe angry that you cant understand why and how she could do it. You didnt know what was going through her mind and what her mental heath was.

Someone I used to work with years ago died last year, early 30's leaving 2 small children, very occasionally I bumped into her to say hello and a quick chat. When I heard she had died (cancer) I cried and still think of her now and then.

I dont know how long this will be on your mind but as weeks go by no doubt you will think of her but it will become less and less, I guess you will feel sad about the situation.

Big hugs to you for being so caring.

kyh

This is a normal reaction as Threebabes has said. I feel sad too as someone jumped in front of the train I was on last week. I have no idea who they were or why they did it but it has made me feel sad that someone felt that desperate with their situation.

Big hugs to you

ailuro2

just my tuppence worth here...


I wouldn't have thought it unusual to feel like this even though you didn't know her that well - the similarity in the ages of your children and your shared visits to nursery will perhaps make you think 'what if it was me?'

Being beautiful and having a young family is no miracle deterrent for things like this to take place.

Maybe you could use your feelings to jump start a commitment to spend more special time with family members, or maybe volunteer if you have time to help mothers who need a bit of extra help with childcare due to illness? Even if you just tell your family you love them a bit more often than many of us do already....

Nanuq

Death is sad, no two ways about it. I think it's particularly sad when it's 'self-inflicted' because the person probably went through no end of emotional trauma to get to that place.

In this case it's a young parent, just like you--someone you can identify with, so it's bound to touch you more than most deaths would.

Her poor family though, it doesn't bear thinking about!

busiscoming2

Very sad to hear about and very normal to feel like this, I agree with what others have said, you can relate to her - similar age and being a mother. No you are not being selfish, it is compassion and human nature that makes you feel like this.

richardw

Perhaps you can consider how you can help those left behind.

yoni_one

sad1 wrote: »

should i be feeling like this. i can't help it but it is going round and round in my head, so many things, how long will it be for me to 'not' think about it. am i being selfish writing this on here -

You are certainly not wrong to feel the way you do and no you are not being selfish writing this on here. I have no idea how long it will be for you to not think about it but I do know that day will come when you will feel differently about it than you do now.

When you say self-inflicted do you mean she has intentionally ended her life or is it possible she has accidentally overdosed?

Either way, from your perspective a beautiful young woman, with a beautiful family and what seemed to be everything to live for has chosen to end her life. It is unfathomable. No wonder you feel really sad for her and angry that she would put her family through such pain that will never fully leave them.

You have such a small piece of her puzzle to build around, but that is all you have to go on. Often people like yourself with little acquaintance question if there was anything they could have said, noticed, done to prevent this action. Or wonder why they didn't pick up that something was wrong.

People who really mean business when it comes to ending their life by choice can be very adept at hiding things from those closest to them, so people beyond that circle would have no chance of picking up on it.

I have to say that even I feel sad for the woman and her family and for you, and I know none of you. The life cycle of this young woman has been broken prematurely, we are programmed to accept illness and accident far more readily than choice to end it.

Her choice can be viewed as both a brave and a cowardly action. Neither are wrong. And how you feel about what she has done is not wrong either.

katholicos

I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad.

It is a terrible tragedy to end one's own life, but can surely only be a measure that someone who is absolutely beside themselves with depression and see no way of going on with life.

Perhaps, if it would not be too much trouble, you could, at some point in the future, offer to take her little one home for tea to spend some time with your little one? It is so important to not cross roads and turn corners and walk in the opposite direction when you see the spouse and other relations. I have experienced this when my daughters father died suddenly and tragically. No one would talk to me because they were afraid of 'setting me off' and having a teary woman crying all over them. Death makes people uncomfortable.

3KIDSNOMONEY

definitely normal to feel like this. i feel sad for the family and don't know them at all. i think that especially when you have children of a similar age it can make it all the more sadder.

Maybe when we hear about things like this happening it should make us all make that little bit of extra effort to be friendly to other people - a friendly chat at the school gates can make all the difference to someone who is feeling depressed.

onetomany

i agree with all the posts above , in some ways it makes you relise how lucky you are but in other ways it makes you feel quilty for thinking that, grieve affects every emotion(soz about me spelling) quilt. loss,sad , angry etc, i used to live in a small town where my freinds little boy got killed it was really hard everyone everwhere people was talking about it at the time i used to think they didnt no him but after a while i relised they where shoked to death affects everyone , please dont blame yourself, she must have been in a very dark place to do this and i dowt anyone would have been able to stop her sending you lots of love and kisses ,take care