Should i be feeling sad for someone i don't know?

geminilady

sad1 wrote: »

i am a regular member but don't want to be identified.
i hope i don't write too much to read, but i suppose as i can't reallly 'talk' to anyone about it, writing it down may help.

i have just found out recently, that someone i kind of knew, died.


i didn't really know her personally, but i knew her face and voice, said hi/hello to her, had a small conversation, like 'how's your son doing at school now etc,

my little one and her little one, were in the same nursery sessionm, in the afternoons, 3years ago. and they were both in the same reception class, but now they are in different yr1 classes. i communicated with her little one while i helped out in the class last year and before that. since then i only said hi/hello, greeted or smiled and talked to her just the day before....

at first when i heard of the news i couldn't believe it, it was a great shock as she was very beautiful, a very young mother of two, and i thought maybe it was an accident - i couldn't ask b4, but have just found out that it wasn't an accident, apparently it was self inflicted......

i understand that her family and closest family must be devasted and finding it really hard to pick up the pieces, but i am feeling sad for her too. i have cried on occassions, prayed for her soul and can't help but feel a bit of anger at her too, how could she do it and leave her family and two beautiful little ones.

should i be feeling like this. i can't help it but it is going round and round in my head, so many things, how long will it be for me to 'not' think about it. am i being selfish writing this on here -

As others have said it is natural you feel sad as this woman was a young mum like yourself.Your anger too is normal.It is hard for most people to imagine how someone can feel so depressed that the only option is taking their own life but it does happen all to often and when it is close to home can hit people hard.You have to realise she was not in her right mind she would be incapable of thinking of the harm it would do to her chilren and at the time proberly told herself they woul be better off without her.It is so sad when this happens because there is help out there.

tattoed_bum

yes it is natural to feel like this ,of course it is ,i am married 9 yrs now to my dh but 6mths ago my ex boyfriend commited suicide and even now i feel upset and angry even though i hadnt seen or spoken to him in 10yrs ,it's the horrible feeling that maybe i could have helped in some way ,and that the man i used to know and love had felt so bad to do this .
i think the loss of any life in any circumstances is so sad

SandC

Yes, of course it is natural for you to feel this way.

The family of course will have the grief of bereavement. Yours is not the same, yours is empathy. You are understandably upset and sad at a tragic loss of life to someone who was so young and on the outside had so much going for them.

Think of when a famous person passes away. It often affects people who never met them, but knew of them and about them. I found it very hard to understand the outpouring of emotions when Princess Diana died. Of course, I felt sad for her children and family and friends but it didn't extend beyond that.

This is someone you did know, albeit not well. When something like this happens as well as those feelings of sadness it can make us take stock of our own lives and what we have and also reminds us of those people close to us who we have lost. Funerals are partly for those people who wish to pay respects, for the family and close friends it is a part of the bereavement and grieving process.

belfastgirl23

I just heard tonight that someone in my night class died just after Christmas. I didn't know him very well but I feel really upset about it too...I guess I just feel like he had such a lot to live for. So it's not just you if that helps

I think this sometimes brings back other deaths too, I had a relative die just before Christmas and I know it's bringing up feelings from that too - maybe it's the same for you as well.

sad1_2

I am so grateful for all your sound reassurances. thank you all so far & big hugs to belfastgirl....

yes u r all right, though i only saw her from the outside, who looked like she 'had it all' - big house, eldest at a private juniors sch, big 4x4 etc - only she knew her mental health, and most likely kept it hidden from her closest family & friends who would feel more of a 'punch' that they couldn't foresee such a thing or even understand the extent. a small piece of the puzzle -though not enough to go by can really mess up the picture which ever side you look at it. yonione said it all more accurately and better than i can.
i don't really know how much of it was intentional or planned or an accident. the words told to me were: "she fell off the ladder and suffocated.....she was found in the kitchen....... she had PND......she denied going doctors.......it must have been really bad for her to do it......"
i didn't dare ask to be specific and i don't know if i have interpreted these words correctly or if i am jumping to conclusion. i can;t bear thinking if such is practical or possible........

thank you again for your thoughts, hugs & prayers to the real sufferers (and for her soul), and today/tomorrow is another day to appreciate and be grateful to God for all the things we have so far.................:grouphug: