no birthday present from parents

TBeckett100

I am a little bit annoyed. It was my birthday 3 weeks ago and my parents didnt get me a present. I see them once or twice a week and I had dinner with them the day before so there was no excuse, my dad and sis agreed to chip in, but nothing has materialised.

My mother quite frankly is lazy. She always buys presents for dad and me the day of the birthday or just after and never bothers to buy dad a present on his birthday or christmas.

This year I have found the whole thing upsetting, don't get me wrong I am not needing a present but the whole lack of thought i take personally. When it is her birthday I take the family out for a meal at my expense (£150) plus buy a decent present.

So as I need to take action, I have decided not to buy my family any birthday presents - but am i being mean?

spirit

I sympathise with you but I wouldn't worry about it. I carried on sending my mother cards and presents long after she stopped sending me them. I wouldn't lower myself to her standards.

They may just not have the money at the moment. I wouldn't say anything to her or act differently.

What comes around goes around.

maggie5

no your not being mean, my parents dont buy me presents anymore and i dont buy for them anymore, i have come to the conclusion thats its only the kids that get from now on.

also maybe your parents just cant afford it this year and are to embarressed to say so? there could be a number of reasons why they havent done it this year :-)

Itsgottabedone

So you've seen them several times since your birthday but said nothing? It obviously hurts you (and I would feel the same way), so you really must tell them! You could possible kill two birds with one stone by saying something like "Would you like us all to stop buying birthday presents for each other? Frankly I was disappointed not to get one from you, but if you think we should just do cards from now on, that's fine with me."

Good luck (and happy birthday for 3 weeks ago!)

TBeckett100

money is not an issue for them, they dont have lots but it isnt the casing point. I was told something was on order with one shop, then she found something better - but where is it. my mother is a compulsive liar. Anyway, I have decided to not visit for a few weeks.

squidge60

tbh i dont think not visting is the answer ,i would say something bottom line it sounds like it will eat you if you dont .you sound hurt but is it really worth going further with it.i expect they dont realise the way you feel ?

sleepymy

Oh for goodness sake, you're a grown man, suck it up and stop being such a child.

duchy

Is it really about the present or is it just that you feel your parents don't care ?
Sounds to me like you're making a lot of effort visiting a couple of times week -how often do they visit you....or do anything for you ?
If you don't visit for a couple of weeks and they don't even comment-What are you going to do then ?
I like the "shall we just do cards" idea. Means you get to comment on the fact that you noticed you didn't get a present but are giving them an out without losing face or there been a row. Maybe they are feeling the pinch-lots of people are with the credit crunch-but don't want to talk about it.

LondonDiva

Not to minimise your obvious upset, but if your mum didn't get the present, why didn't your dad or sister take the initative?

if your mother's 'lazy', what's their excuse for not stepping up?

I say this because when my brothers' got married, they abdicated all responsibility for present buying for their family to their wives. Now people get p1ssed off that so & so didn't get the present right etc, but no one says to their son/brother/nephew why didn't you give your wife a hand - or better yet go and get your mum a present yourself?

lilac_lady

I think the "let's just go with cards" now suggestion is a good one. I'd not stop visiting but 2/3 times a week is maybe a bit much if you're feeling a bit neglected at the moment.

You could take the family out for a pub lunch instead of spending £150. That's a lot of money in this economic climate.

I don't think your mum will change now but try not to let the present thing spoil your family relationships.

shirlgirl2004

You know I had similar with my family. I'd just go for the buying cards line. I assume you they did give you a card?