Financial faux pas and other disasterous decisions

moo2moo

Honestly I haven't got a clue. I can avoid thinking about that until at least the middle of next week. I'm a wee bit more concerend with cutting £180 of perspex which people are constantly reminding me is a !!!!!! to cut.

Eeek have just noticed the time. Need to leave in 30 minutes and the DDs are still asleep.

moo2moo

Why did I think thermal trousers under waterproof over trousers a thermal t-shirt, a fleece jumper, a fleece jacket and finally a water proof jacket coupled with thermal socks was a good move. Its wasn't clever. In fact I resembled the staypuft marshmallow man and that was before the nags started to trot. 15 miles at a jog, in hiking boots, in that lot. Clearly I am considerably less fit that I thought. The hour long hack turned out to be a two hour long mini marathon. I am kettled. DD2 has gone back to bed in an exhasted stroppy heap and DD1 is scoffing every calorie she can get her hands on.

Meanwhile my earlier DooYoo has gained a considerable amount of comments and I'd almost go as far as saying I'm remarkably chuffed at my ability to waffle so with that in mind ladies and gentlemen drumroll please I give you the abridged version of Cat One, Husband Nil:

I arrived home from work yesterday to the very distinctive antiseptic stench of TCP and a kitchen like a war zone. At first glance it looked like the Demonic Daughters were playing doctors and nurses using Daddy as the patient and plasters from the first aid kit as, well, plasters instead of the pretend reusable ones they have stashed somewhere in the disaster zones they call their bedrooms.

As it turns out they were actually administering first aid to Daddy to patch him up after his encounter with the cat. I’d like to say they were a little over zealous with their application of plasters but having seen the aftermath first hand this morning I’m not entirely sure that’s true. If anything they were very restrained.

Turns out our demi-feral cat took offence at the OH jetting its derriere with cold liquid flea spray and made its feelings very well known by doing whats commonly known as a Garfield, that is to say she spread herself over as wide an area as possible and spread her claws attaching herself to the nearest object which just happened to be the other halfs head and upper torso and then she sank her fangs into his arm just to make sure her feelings on the subject were understood.

Its hard to think such an innocuous looking container is responsible for quite so much devastation.

Bob Martins rebranded Multi-purpose Flea Spray is now sold under its new name of Bob Martins All In One Flea and comes in a miniature white spray bottle with an easy to use pump action trigger. The bottle contains 300ml of vaguely floral scented liquid contents, it reminds me a little of Floral Zoflora, flowers with a chemical undertone. Its not unpleasant its just not that nice either. Most definitely not the sort of aroma you’d want to have around for long.

To read the instructions you remove the outer cardboard sleeve and peel off the rear sticky label with its expiry date to find two paragraphs of hows and whys and most importantly what not to dos. It sounds remarkably simple. Shake, position 10cm from cat and spray avoiding sensitive areas like eyes and ears but paying particular attention to the base of the tail. Looks like our cat considers its rectum to be as sacred as mine and took serious offence to having a jet of cold liquid directed at it. Still where the other half failed I will succeed if only because of the principal of the thing. How hard can it be?

The directions claim you require 2 pumps per kilo of body weight. Cat weighs four kilos, the other half managed one last night leaving seven to go. Cat stalking procedure initiated. Cat successfully lured into the cupboard under the stairs and the door firmly shut despite the warning on the bottle to use in a well ventilated room, I wasn’t planning to take long and I could hold my breath long enough to get his over and done with. Speed was my only ally. There is no escape. Cat grabbed by scruff of neck and dangled in mid air. She was then liberally jetted from all directions leaving a very irate and foul smelling cat and a large puddle of urine on the carpet. Cat is not happy. The hardest part was squirting the back of her neck which according to the instructions is the usual lair of all wee biting beasties but being the only safe place to hold the cat without being attacked by teeth or claws it’s a bit awkward to do. So settled for firmly wedging cat between my thighs on the floor and jetting as she made her break for freedom. Job done and not a scratch in sight. Unfortunately that left me stuck inside a cupboard with a hissing spitting irate feline hell bent on revenge. Fortunately I opened the door and she was off like greased lightening.

You then have to confine the cat indoors to allow it to dry but really what mad person wants to be shut in a building with a cat on the warpath? Cat was duly isolated in the kitchen with a can of tuna overnight to appease its battered ego.

The following day the makers would have liked us to groom cat to remove fleas, eggs and dirt but cat doesn’t do grooming and so we skipped that bit. She’d licked herself clean by that stage anyway.

honeybear_2

Moo, I love how you write! :T :T:T

miemie

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:,moo this is the funnist thing i have read in ages.

mooomin

Words fail me.

I really must post the tale of me flossing the cat sometime...

moo2moo

Flossing the cat... please tell me thats with dental floss..... cos the other possibilites are just unthinkable

honeybear_2

flying_fresian wrote: »

Words fail me.

I really must post the tale of me flossing the cat sometime...

:eek::eek::eek:

mooomin

moo2moo wrote: »

Flossing the cat... please tell me thats with dental floss..... cos the other possibilites are just unthinkable

Nope.

I'll post tomorrow/later today with the full gory details

moo2moo

Another DooYoo done, unfortunately done in a category that doesn't award points for writing. Humph. Ah well its the first one I've done in 154 reiews that didn't count (apart from the one that was locked for being too short). Will remind me to pay attention to the headers befoe I begin waffling. Still at least I'll get points from all those who rate it, assuming somebody does.

Beginning to ache already from this mornings exercise, that and its cold and wet and grey and miserable out and I have the snuffles. Seems like as good an excuse as any to light the fire.

moo2moo

Another review done although I'd hazard a guess that this one will result in lots of irate comments and probably get locked, still I'm in an argumentative frame of mind and have reviewed Facebook gaining my very first not useful rating still its a rating and every one is worth 1.5p.