Annoying In Laws

belfastgirl23

Can I just ask what your OH's dad's role in all this is? You hardly mention him at all. And after all he is the one with the blood relationship to your OH. I do understand that it can be difficult negotiating family relationships but after all your stepmum will make a difference for her own kids, that's only natural. If she is the one remembering your OH's birthday maybe it seems like a step too far to start remembering for you and your DS as well? Surely it should be your FIL's responsiblity to remember this? Or does he get off with it because he's male?

Susan_Frost

You dont seem to want to be involved with them, so why not just keep away. Live your own lives in your own way. Be happy.

KellyWelly

I have sort of similar issues with my MIL that you've described. I've never been good enough and she's always been particularly cold towards my kids - not letting them call her a pet name like nan or grandma, etc, they call her by her name. Then she lets friends' children call her grandmama because 'they don't have a grandma of their own'. I didn't get it either.

Anyway, for years and years I would get inscensed by her and spent hours all upset and crying at the way she treated us. Then this year I realised I'd spent ten years getting upset by her and letting her behaviour (which really is pathetic and spiteful) affect me. I decided ten years was enough and I was too cool for that !!!!!! and I've decided not to let her have that control over me. She's somebody I have to have contact with but that doesn't mean I have to care what she thinks or what she says. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

never_enough

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Can I just ask what your OH's dad's role in all this is? You hardly mention him at all. And after all he is the one with the blood relationship to your OH. I do understand that it can be difficult negotiating family relationships but after all your stepmum will make a difference for her own kids, that's only natural. If she is the one remembering your OH's birthday maybe it seems like a step too far to start remembering for you and your DS as well? Surely it should be your FIL's responsiblity to remember this? Or does he get off with it because he's male?[/quote]

Lets face it how many men actually do the card or present buying, writing or wrapping? It always seems to be the women who do the keeping in touch. This has really been noticed in our family where three (elderly) women have died, their husbands seemed to disappear as they just didn't know where anyone was.
OP, I feel for you. I really like my MIL at times, but at others could strangle her! Try to just let it wash over you, she wont change so don't stress about it.
My uncle married a woman with children, they were never really integrated into the family, but more because she was a nightmare than anything else.
It used to really annoy me that my grand-parents never saw them as grand-children though. Maybe it's an age thing? We are all much more comfortable with steps & halfs in a family now than people ever have been. Or maybe she's just a bit*h?

lumar

My MIL was a selfish and spiteful woman who never had a good word to say about anyone. No time for anyone but herself.
I have vowed that I will always try to be fair with my children/future grandchildren.
My MIL is now in a care home. Perhaps if she had been a nicer person I would have felt able to welcome her into our home when she could no longer look after herself.

tinypawz

Tell her nice and loudly to 'F*** Off':j

I can;t be having people who are inconsiderate or rude for no good reason. I turn quite rude myself when faced with such people.

emma12345

I understand how frustrated and angry you must be feeling. My parents are similar, so much so a while ago I wrote a thread here about it.

The advice gave by the lovely people here to which I am very grateful is live your life and tell them to take a running jump!

Since then I've moved on with my life with no regrets although I never confronted my parents. I doubt they'd care anyway. But I just don't visit so often. They still don't care about their grandchildren (only my sister's child - the 'chosen' one) but you know what, I don't give a stuff anymore! Life is 100% better with them not around to make nasty remarks and to be spiteful to my children. (Now they attack each other not just verbally but physically too, so it shows some people are nasty regardless - you just need to take yourself and your loved ones out of the firing line.)

Ms_Chocaholic

Thank you for all your replies.

I would love to do what tinypawz recommended but I guess it's going to get me nowhere. Luckily we don't visit that often (once/twice a year) but even telephoning them is all one sided (on our part) and then the conversation is just about what everyone else has been doing.

I am going to try and act on everyone's advice though and move on, it's going to be hard though.

Thanks
Ms C xxxx

tinypawz

Ms Choc

It probably won't do any good to do what I said, but I promise you will feel alot better to get it off your chest......did i mention I have a wicked side?:rotfl:

Errata

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.

I would love to do what tinypawz recommended but I guess it's going to get me nowhere. Luckily we don't visit that often (once/twice a year) but even telephoning them is all one sided (on our part) and then the conversation is just about what everyone else has been doing.

I am going to try and act on everyone's advice though and move on, it's going to be hard though.

Thanks
Ms C xxxx

It'll be easy Go to Poundland. Buy doll. Buy packet of pins. Use your imagination :T