dealing with money. men & women

tango

hi thought i'd ask others out there how in a relationship, money is dealt with between themselves, do men and women deal differently with money, who is "better" .
over the years money has defintley been an issue in my relationship, and i feel if one of us had been " stronger" then maybe we wouldnt have got into so much debt. although things are on the up now, thanks to this site!! :rotfl:

Philippa36

My ex-husband is consistently broke, cannot save a penny, his wages burn holes in his pockets, and I had to learn to save in any way possible to make sure we had enough to live. His financial issues certainly caused more than half of our relationship problems.

Now, however, my new partner is completely financially savvy, a saver, not a spender and we are monetarily compatible

I don't think its a male/female thing ~ I think its just the way you are, whatever sex you are

FrankieM

Hi Tango..
Speaking only from personal experience I've found money to be a bit of a nightmare in my relationship too.
I'm better with money than my OH. I stay at home and he works.
I have felt like you though, that if I'd been stronger then we wouldn't have got into the mess we got into.
My OH came from a crap home, he earn't all the money, he deserved a treat....they were the excuses I told myself.
Then when his spending kept going, I kinda thought if you can't beat them, join them!!!

Nightmare decision!
I finally did stop spending and did work on trying to reign in his spending, but I have to say alot of the time I've felt like his mother, having to say no all the time.

zeddy_2

Hi,

yeah we're kind of similar in that basically I would say that at the moment we are both as good (or bad) with money as each other. First of all it was all my boyfriend who spent spent spent. Like was mentioned before, money seemed to burn a hole in his pocket, whereas with me I've always been a saver really. I found myself having to make up the shortfall for everything for him all the time, whenever a bill needed paying and so forth it was always from my money.

Several giant sized rows and a relationship and lifestyle overhaul later everything is equal now. We pay the same into a bank account to cover bills and so forth and then my partner pays off slightly more than me towards our credit card bills becuase he earns more.

Neither of us are wanting to spend anymore though, so luckily I think we've both got that out of our system and understand that in order to buy things you need to have the money first. Not buy now, pay later on!

tango

AS FRANKIE M SAID " IF U CAN'T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM" WAS WHAT I PROBABLY DID TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. BAD ENOUGH WHEN ONE OF YOU IS SPENDING FOR ENGLAND, LET ALONE TWO!!
ALSO WITH HINDSIGHT ( A GREAT THING) WE SHOULD HAVE SAVED B.C , ( BEFORE CHILDREN) BECAUSE WHEN THEY COME ALONG.......!!!!
WELL I WILL BE 40 ON THE 16TH FEBURARY :eek: SO NO MORE MESSING, TIME TO WAKE UP AND SAVE THE PENNIES!!
HAVING SAID THAT, I DONT THINK I HAVE HAD MANY DAYS IN 17 YEARS OF MARRIAGE,WHEN MONEY HASN'T BEEN AN ISSUE :rolleyes:

Ember999

My husband and I believe someone in the relationship has to have 'final say' over money. Call it 'be in charge' if you like. In our case, it's me. But in other relationships it could be the man. The main thing you have to ensure is that the right person does the job. Problems happen when nobody takes charge and everybody spends madly. That's when couples get in to debt. Whoever is best at looking after the money shoould do so.

tango

very true ember999. money has always been a battle, but things are on the up because i now realise that someone has to be in charge!! i always thought that my husband should be 'involved' but bascially he finds it very hard. he is willing and i think quite relieved that i take control, but he knows he has to play his part x

mdb99jh

I think sometimes fear of the unknown plays it's part. My OH is carefull with her money, definitely, but she doesn't know much about how things work (eg how a mortgage works, what different accounts there are, how to invest money etc...) Basically its a complicated world out there and quite scary if you don't know what you're doing so she doesn't always make the maximum from her money or manage it fantastically. I'm trying to help her though and she is a quick learner so she's getting better and less afraid every time we have a 'money' conversation. :beer:

tango

hi mdb99jh, it sounds to me as though you two will be ok, there are shark infested waters out there!! :eek:

SueRob_2

I spent 25 years thinking I was bad with money, my ex always said I was, as I could never manage on the money he gave me. Now I'm the one in charge I manage just fine. I've realised he didn't give me enough money, lol.
Sue

pdoff

FrankieM wrote:

Hi Tango..
Speaking only from personal experience I've found money to be a bit of a nightmare in my relationship too.
I'm better with money than my OH. I stay at home and he works.
I have felt like you though, that if I'd been stronger then we wouldn't have got into the mess we got into.
My OH came from a crap home, he earn't all the money, he deserved a treat....they were the excuses I told myself.
Then when his spending kept going, I kinda thought if you can't beat them, join them!!!

Nightmare decision!
I finally did stop spending and did work on trying to reign in his spending, but I have to say alot of the time I've felt like his mother, having to say no all the time.

u sound just like me & dh! i work part time - on maternity leave at mo, he thinks cos he earns more he can spend more. not sure where the kids fit in as they earn nothing - lol! how did u reign him in? we have the same argument every few months & then back to square one again - he now wants to spend £2000 on a trailer (to take his car to shows), on credit card. we still haven't got the double glazing that we added money to the re-mortgage for as it all got spent elsewhere!