What do you do?

moo2moo

Sometimes its important to be happy than to spend the majority of your time in a job you hate. It sounds like your OH had a job he hated and his new one is worth some short term financial challenges to get some experience together to do something he does enjoy.

Lewby

Hi CAFCGirl, I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning and found some chocolate last night!

It sounds as though you are just frustrated with the fact that he is not willing to go along with what you want ... and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I have the same problem in that most of the time my OH lets me just bimble along sorting everything out financially and then he will decide he's going to do something that is really expensive - like fly to Scotland to climb Ben Nevis with his friends and there is no negotiating with him. That trip wipes out 4 months of my 'penny pinching' and searching for savings in one go!! I get cross, he gets more adamant he's doing it, using the justification that he hasn't been 'allowed' to do anything for months and feels he's working hard, giving me all of the money and has nothing for himself. At that point I remind him of how we got into so much debt (his I want I want I want nature) and he gets stroppy and sulks for days.

Having said all of that, I love him dearly and would definately not be without him. 90% of the time he's on board and wants to see the debt gone asap but he 'falls of the wagon' as we all do and gets fed up with it. We have compromised and he now has an 'allowance' that he can save up to 'waste' on whatever he wants and he's happier having some money that isn't allocated to debt repayments.

How long do you think it will take you to get another job?? If you get another job quickly will this situation resolve itself?

Men!! Can't live with em, would hate to live without him!

Hope you are feeling more positive today.

Lewby xx

moo2moo

Lewby you got away lightly. My OHs last blow out was a 3 week drive around the Moroccan part of the Sahara with a friend. 5000 miles of fuel, 2 ferries and a £500 vehicle insurance policy plus survival equipment, petrol stoves, extreme temperature sleeping bag..... To be fair he did works lots and lots and lots of overtime so that it was achievable. Our most recent arguement was because we never go on holiday.

You made me smile though. I get accused of penny pinching too but then hes very quick to tell the guys at work that his RAC cover was free (Tesco Clubcard) or that his house insurance policy was £80 (after Quidco). Men can't live with 'em can't wallop 'em over the head with a frying pan.

CAFCGirl

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Its so hard when you have two difference priorities.

I was going to suggest you just over pay and since you handle the money he will just have to put up with it.

but if he isn't earning enough. ugh. he can't seriously think its ok, to have a job that "pays" 2k or with that a typo?

I would feel very frustrated. The one friend I told about this thinks I am mad and that is irritating enough, but to have a partner think so differently. I can understand why its going round your head,

I really don't know what to suggest.

chocolate and wine in the short term thoxxx

The £2k was not a typo.... its basically in his spare time he's available for this 2k job but he'll carry on with his current job... but the two added together still only create about 13k a year

He thinks we as a collective earn enough because we can just about cover our bills (prividing no huge mishaps), debt minimums and a small living allowance....

I overpay where I can but its more the little things he does, like i'll overpay and then find out that because he doesnt budget for his car, he's put the MOT, insurance etc on his credit card, so anything I do is just undone!

Part of me wishes we operated a literal split down the middle of all the bills and then he would realise that he doesnt earn enough but unfortunately I earn what he doesnt so in his mind, it balances....


Moo2Moo - I would fully appreciate it if he had hated the job previous, but it was literally he had a row with his superior and that was it, he hated it, was done with it blah blah blah and has since admitted he wasnt unhappy in the job was just unhappy with this one guy.... at the time I fully supported him leaving the previous job because of his explanation about what he was going to do... but none of that has materialised....

I dont know really what frustrates me more about the situation... perhaps its because I feel that I have supported him for quite a long period and now that im being made redundant.... its still all on me to make sure the bills are paid and hes still going to carry on doing what he does!

Lewby - You're probably right and I know it wasnt meant nastily....
I could probably live with it if he was living on the bread line and then had a splurge every now and again but he doesnt exactly have it hard at the minute....
He has a healthy allowance per month anyway because of the moaning he did when I tried to give him £50 a month in the budget for himself... so he has over £150 spare from his wages after paying a set amount to the debts (£620 a month).... and then I pay for everything else..... like rent, bills, food etc and even then he's still sneaking things onto his credit card....:rolleyes:

I just dont know what to do with him anymore really..... maybe i just need to accept that this is how it is and be done with it, and just be thankful that he's not going "too" crazy!

Fire_Fox

How is he when you cry about this? Does he know how it is affecting you? As you say he is a good man, and perhaps he has his head in the sand when it comes to how stressed you are (esp. losing your job too).

I would ask him to cut his credit cards up. If he asks why then you ask why not. If you budget properly you should not need to use them, and they are costing in interest. If you are doing most of the finances then having too many accounts/ cards etc. makes it much harder work.

Also ask him if he would like to do an alternative SoA - start from scratch and complete one, then you get together and discuss the two possible options. Make sure he does the snowball calculator too, and ask him when he feels he would be comfortable having paid the debts by - do the two figures match up? Probably not!

CAFCGirl

I've tried the whole sit down and chat about it but his answer is to pay minimums and give ourselves "breathing space" but thats not what i want.... I want to pay off the debts, not go shopping for new clothes...

He knows im stressed out about it but all he ever says is theres nothing we can do about the debts.... it'll get paid eventually.... but thats just not good enough for me....

He hates seeing me stressed and upset but its like hes stuck between doing what I want (i.e knuckling down and living simpler) and what hes comfortable doing (paying a set amount and ignoring it after that)....

His answer is he's comfortable having them paid off when they get paid off.... its like being in debt is perfectly acceptable to him.... like its just a given in life...

ShelleyC_2

Wine chocolate and a cuddle with Gordon.

I would consider trying to have another sit down chat with him he needs to try and sit it from your side too. Is there an option to leave him to his own credit card - let him spend away and make minimum payments whilst you tackle other debts? Give him a few months then show him how well you've done in comparison. (This is all on the proviso you wow them tomorrow & get a fab highly paid new job and can clear debts in a heartbeat :grouphug:)

CAFCGirl

awww thanks hun.....

Im not sure the problem isnt rooted in the fact that he has one payment come out of his account £620 which does into my A&L account which I then have all the DD's standing orders on to pay the debts.... so he literally does that one thing, and thats it....

I try talking to him about it all the time but i just get the same answer...

Pay the minimums tillw e get ourselves sorted....

But us being sorted is clearfing the debts!!!

ARGH its like banging my head against a brick wall.....

Miss_Piggy_2

CAFCGirl wrote: »

awww thanks hun.....

Im not sure the problem isnt rooted in the fact that he has one payment come out of his account £620 which does into my A&L account which I then have all the DD's standing orders on to pay the debts.... so he literally does that one thing, and thats it....

I

I can see where you are coming from on this. Before I got pregnant me and OH shared the bills. He put certain amount in my account once a month and that was it. I paid all household bills, debts etc. When I got pregnant and had our son that all changed. Now he has to pay his debts himself AND pay the rent. I pay the rest (council tax etc). Since then he has become VERY aware of what he pays out.

I think you need to transfer the responsibilty back to him. When he see's whats going out and that the amounts on the statements aren't going down, he may change his views!!

Miss P
xx

Ames

Have you shown him the snowball calculator? Paying minimums is going to take decades to clear, and if the apr's go sky high then it'd never be gone.