What do you do?

CAFCGirl

Evening everyone.....

Im just wondering what people do to de-stress from the day to day runnings of their households, and I consider it DFW because well most of my day to day stresses are money related.....

Imagine this its saturday night, im sat in my bed alone with my laptop because my DH has irritated me so much that sometimes I wonder if my life wouldnt be a darn sight easier if we werent together....

Dont get me wrong, I love him to bits and dont want to not me married to him.... its just that sometimes he seriously pushes my buttons....

Now that Im being made redundant from my job he sees this as the perfect opportunity to stop overpaying the debts and just pay the minimums, which yes is fine if for a month or so, but this is just his long term plan and it just feels like a constant uphill struggle....

We've tried discussing it but we normally end up going nowhere or getting stroppy.... he's not a bad man at all..... and I have generally taken control of the financial aspect of our lives to get the debts paid down, but it just almost feels like he's not bothered..... couldnt care less that we're paying £500 a month (MINIMUM) on debts....

It just frustrates me and irks me so much that I want to scream sometimes at my frustration at him and at the situation.... and Im just stuck on what to do to make myself or the situation any better.....????

Sorry for the rant but I feel like im at my wits end.... :mad:

newmum1

I love to destress in a hot bubble bath, which funnily enough is what i have just done team it with your fav drink and a good old steamy book, perfect.................

badgerbread

I know how you feel was only the last few months that my other half decided to take debts seriously as well but it took it's time I think what got him going is seeing the extra money that can be made on line for example comping, surveys ,free scratchcards now we are both into it so much I think even if we won the lottery we would still be penny pinching Money can become a huge problem in a relationship but the best thing (I have found) is to sitdown and talk about it and explore this site together for money making ideas

CAFCGirl

sadly i've tried that option, got him signed up to quidco, hes signed up to all the mystery shopping sites, free clicks etc, but just doesnt do any of them.....

I just feel like im fighting a losing battle and what irritates me even more is that most of the debt is his from before we got together which i said i would take on, and help with, to get it paid down, cleared quicker so that we could start savings for house of our own etc....

Im sorry ive just sat here and moaned, and i feel really guilty moaning about him but ive just sat here and cried a little thinking about how the hard and bad days are outnumbering the good at the moment and i just cant get him to see my p.o.v or reach a comprimise with me..... minimum payments is his option on the table and thats it... end of discussion with him!

Cup_Cake

I know it's frustrating sometimes but try and keep yourself positive. If me and the OH get into an arguement I generally just walk away for 10 minutes to cool down and then try and either apologize or wait for him to apologize.

As for relaxing it doesn't always involve spending money, I generallly sit in a steaming hot bath with glass of wine or sit in front of the telly and put my feet up. Either way, just try your best to just forget about your problems by relaxing even if it's just for 10 minutes.

Good luck,
Cup_Cake

CAFCGirl

Ive tried all these things and i just cant get my mind to switch off from either number crunching, or idea formulating.... its literally the only thing that goes round in my head.....

DH and I dont have stand up rows about it or anything but Im just frustrated at our situation, and feel so angry all the time, ad I guess I lay a lot of that at his feet because i feel like there is more he could do!

tirednurse_2

A winter picnic in the forest does it for me. A flask of hot coffee...a flask of home made soup with crusty bread. Birds and trees and squrrels. Crunchy frost and leaves. It reminds me that there are some forces that are far more important than financial institutions.
A steaming hot bath when I get home, jim jams and snuggly fleeces.

Tired x

lilac_lady

If your OH has stopped running up debts then you've had a really good influence on him and a short holiday paying off the minimum won't do much harm. If he's still spending money that he doesn't have then that's another story and you're right to be upset and angry.

Either way, pour a glass of wine or have some chocolate! OR..pour several glasses of wine and more chocolate.

badgerbread

I think that is really good advice from lilac lady there might just find that chocolate and wine now...

CAFCGirl

put it this way, he stopped racking it up, did really well for a short time whilst he had a really well paid job....
then he fell out with a superior, threw his toys out the pram and quit his job... then was unemployed for 2 months whilst i paid everything, then took a job paying under half what he used to earn.... and still spends like he's on his previous salary...

we discussed him returning to his previous job now that im being made redundant, and he seemed ok to do that, but now he's found a vacancy for a "retained" position, which he cant do as well as being in his previous line of work.... so hes not returning to said well paid job but is sticking with his minimum wage job and this new volunteer job which will pay £2k a year....

So going back to old job just got thrown out the window because the volunteer position is the line of work he really wants as his life long career but is waiting to apply for for a full time position when recruitment opens....

All a bit cryptic I know....
Maybe im just frustrated because i feel like ive supported him, and our household for so long, that I feel like he should make some sacrifices to do the same.....

I really must stop ranting now!!!
Off to find some chocolate!

Buffythedebtslayer

Its so hard when you have two difference priorities.

I was going to suggest you just over pay and since you handle the money he will just have to put up with it.

but if he isn't earning enough. ugh. he can't seriously think its ok, to have a job that "pays" 2k or with that a typo?

I would feel very frustrated. The one friend I told about this thinks I am mad and that is irritating enough, but to have a partner think so differently. I can understand why its going round your head,

I really don't know what to suggest.

chocolate and wine in the short term thoxxx