Paul McKenna "I Can Make You Thin!"

Honey39

Day Thirteen: Well, good day again. It's Saturday night, and I haven't binged. BIG triumph! I'm really pleased with that. I'm trying to reinforce an aversion to crisps, which means that I'm serious about this.

I had a great day, and I haven't actually over-eaten or thought about food much. I have been hungrier than previously, but I think it's because my period is due; so I'm kind of just going with it, and eating more because I'm still hungry.

I have a slight pull to looking at calories and saturated fat when I'm shopping, but I'm forcing myself not to do that; my resolution was to stick to this for ninety days, and I don't think it works if I would introduce 'diet' concepts in. Having said that, I like having a latte on the way to work, and I've been having full fat and not skinny. I've been thinking I should either switch or not have them (and save money!), because they are so fatty. I think it would be better to not have them and make it about saving money and not saving calories!!

What else? I have got into this habit of making dinner a bit of a ritual now (in a good way). I light a candle, pour myself a glass of sparkling water, use a napkin; and I try to make it last about thirty minutes - I still listen to the CD whilst I eat. I like making my meals look really appealing, and putting lots of odds and ends on it from the fridge. It's a completely different way of eating, and saving lots of money because I'm not bingeing (which is expensive, let's face it).

I'd like to get through Sunday without bingeing. I have a plan to counteract what I did last week, so that's good. You know what? I think I would recommend ICMYT as a great way to focus on overcoming bulimia. It's helping me, at any rate. I was watching this guy in the coffee shop eating carrot cake earlier. He was shovelling it in, cutting up the next piece as he was swallowing one bit. It made me think that he wasn't actually tasting or savouring his cake, but just wolfing it down. That's what I would have done before. But now, every mouthful is savoured, and eating slowly makes a massive difference. It's kind of frustrating when something is delicious, and I realise that I'm full!!

Anyway, it's been a good Saturday, so I'm pleased about that. *Fingers crossed* that I can get through Sunday as successfully. I really really really dont' want to binge.

Bitsy_Beans

You sound like you are doing really well Honey so well done you!
I felt the urge to eat and eat on Friday (had this terrible hollow feeling) and I've worked out why. I was feeling really emotional on Friday and I was using the food to stuff back down the emotion. Needless to say I should have just dealt with that a moved on but I didn't. However I wasn't hungry the rest of the day after pigging out all morning so at least I tuned in after that and didn't eat for the sake of it.
Have eaten brekkie this morning and I think I am needing a coffee (not had one yet just fruit juice) and yet I am telling myself I need to eat something instead. In the past I would have just eaten whatever was to hand but I am trying to focus on my emotion and what I am feeling and work out whats really going on. It's going to take some time as old habits do die hard but feeling positive that I can start listening to my body. Really the weighloss is an added bonus, my main focus is now shifting to having a better relationship with food. My H still talks about food as being good and bad and I am realising that its wrong to view it that way. Its just food. end of.
I have a confession though. I am so used to eating whilst doing other things like reading, watching TV and using the 'puter that I actually find it really boring to just sit and eat slowly whilst concentrating on the food I hope that gets better........
And I've worked out why I always eat when I am at home with the kids. I was explaining to my H, I am not bored of being with the kids but I am not able to read and book and look after them or watch a film I like and look after them. However what I can do is eat and look after them. Eating is portable and doesn't detract my attention from them so it was an easy way to pass some time. Funny how I never thought about this before.

Sorry this post has been a bit rambly but it helps for me to put it all down on "paper".

luc24

I have officially cancelled my weightwatchers monthly membership!!!!:j:j

luc24

ps i didnt mean to offend anyone wen i said about reading the ww forums and finding it hard to read about people bingeing and living off very little points, i just meant its kind of really sad and hard to think how long and how much we all struggle tryin to stick to such plans and failing and feeling bad about ourselves.x

Bitsy_Beans

luc24 wrote: »

ps i didnt mean to offend anyone wen i said about reading the ww forums and finding it hard to read about people bingeing and living off very little points, i just meant its kind of really sad and hard to think how long and how much we all struggle tryin to stick to such plans and failing and feeling bad about ourselves.x

I knew what you meant Its reading about people torturing themselves just to lose weight. I guess at some point we're all guilty of doing this to ourselves.

Bayblue

I've had a couple of wobblies in the past couple of days. In truth, I have had few stressful days, probably the worst since I started this and found myself going back to my old method of dealing with stress- shoving food down my gob. I've even had things like crisps and I don't even really like them. I don't feel great about it, but at the same time I am not going to beat myself up about it either. I knew that this would be an ongoing thing, that there will be good and bad weeks, I think that I was perhaps a bit overly optimistic in the beginning. I have realised that when you've done something for years, it's not going to change in a few weeks. I feel positive about carrying on and that's the important. I think that it's helped that today is a weigh in day and I am 11st 6, so that's another 5lb loss.

I cannot be totally sure what my starting weight was. I remember at one stage realising that I was nudging 13 stone but when I started PMK I wrote down 12st 8lb as the start weight so whatever way I look at it I have definitely lost a stone and I'm pleased with that. I used to check those BMI charts almost religiously, at one time I was 27 point something but the funny thing is now I am almost at 25 which is in the 'OK' or 'healthy' range. That's nice, but it doesn't really mean a lot because I don't yet feel at a comfortable size- because of the way I'm built I can't carry a lot of weight. Some women at 5' 6" at that weight would probably be a size 12/14, but I'm still an 16,.. 18 in places. I'm honestly not sizist I just want to get to a stage that suits me, where I feel toned and comfortable.

I haven't walked much these past couple of days either and I've missed it because I really do enjoy it. Ironically I just bought my stepdad a pedometer and have been explaining it to him and giving him some ideas on how he can walk more because his doctor suggested he get more exercise (at 75!- and not overweight -poor b*gger- do doctors ever let up telling us to exercise more?).

Anyway, just seen how late it is, so off to bed.

Keep on going...

Bitsy_Beans

Well done you Babyblue on your weightloss. I've only shifted a couple of lbs but I admit I've had more wobbles and times when old habits have crept up on me. BUT you were so right when you say a lifetimes worth of habits isn't going to change in a few weeks. This is a long term process and I think in the past when I've tried PM I've felt let down by myself as my expectations have been too high. Am going to take each day as it comes and see how things go. If I focus too much on losing weight then I am not doing anything different to when I was on WW etc. The excess weight is a symptom of where I've been going wrong rather than the cause so I need to focus on my relationship with food FIRST and let the weight deal with itself IYSWIM (hopefully ).
Absolutebounder was right in the fact that I've kept viewing the PMK 4 golden rules as "rules" like any other diet and then felt bad when I've not stuck to them.
In the past I've wanted to change a lot of things all at once and then wondered why I failed and not managed it. I ought to focus on changing one thing at a time rather than a long list all in one go.

Onwards and upwards

Bayblue

I think that you can take the rules as guidelines, but it's best not to be too strict with yourself about doing everything perfectly- that way lies almost certain failure IMO.

There's also something else, something that AB mentioned when talking about the principles of hypnosis and the way our minds work. If you say to yourself 'I'm not going to eat cream cakes/crisps/chocolate, I'm going to be good' then all your mind focuses on is what it has 'talked' about- the cream cakes etc. My theory is that this is the reason that the vast majority of diets fail, that and the fact that those foods are everywhere and we'd have to be extremely disciplined to avoid them forever.

I too have been reading of other peoples experiences on very low calorie diets and suchlike and TBH apart form the fact that I know I couldn't stick to them for long, they sound very unhealthy. I have migraines, not often, but I do get them and I wouldn't want to do anything which could potentially bring one on. To me, if your body says 'I'm hungry' and you have learnt to recognise that as genuine hunger, then it seems reasonable enough to feed it food, not tell it to wait for it's next milkshake meal supplement, why go against nature?

But, honestly, no offence to anyone following other diets and plans. I'm just speaking for myself, what makes sense to me, people must do what suits them. Anyway, I'm just putting down some random thoughts.

I have had a better day today. Still have issues :rolleyes: (problems) but I am back on track with eating properly. Strangly my body has really protested my binging, these past couple of days I've had a poorly tummy- so I've got even more reason to get back to normal. It's strange, it's almost like it's been telling me off, it seems my body really does know what's best for it .

Honey39

Day Fifteen: It's an official weigh-in day - my first - and I've lost NINE POUNDS! Woo hoo and go me, lol. I think it might be a wee bit more than that, because today is my period, and I usually bloat/retain water a *lot* on the first day. So I am hugely pleased with this, nine pounds on fifteen days, that's given me a massive boost.

I didn't binge yesterday, but came incredibly close. So, Sunday evenings are my trigger moment, and they are very tough (plus I was PMS-ing so badly it was untrue).

I've been sticking to ICMYT to the letter, and trying to not see food as good or bad, but just food. I've done his aversion exercise to crisps, because they are my trigger food, and that's working well so far. It's a bit extreme, and I was reluctant, but I'm trying to make all crisps repulsive to me for ever - I'm not sure I would binge without crisps, tbh.

I like reading everyone else's thoughts here. I think this is not a diet, and even the rules are not about being 100% right, but following them most of the time.

Interestingly - last night I wanted to binge, so I had curry sauce and chips (microwavable), and I was all set to wolf them down and the hell with ICMYT - and you know what? Half way through, I realised I was actually full and not enjoying them. SO although I was going to be 'bad', I ended up following it and chucking them out, lol. I guess that's what he means - the more you follow it and stick at it, the more these things become unconscious, and it becomes a bit uncomfortable and stupid to overeat.

My problem is that I'm not quite right with when I'm hungry - I don't always spot it in time. Amazing how we never realy listen to our bodies, hmm?

luc24

i have the same problem Honey i always seem to leave it way to late to eat so that im absolutely starving by the time i do, i guess im just going to try tuning in more.
im not having the best day today, i weighed myself this weekend a few days early realy, my first2weeks are not actually up until this thursday. anyway when i wrote my 'starting weight' i weighed myself early in the morning on a thursday, and when i weighed myself this saturday it was in the afternoon after i had eaten quite abit (still in accordance with the system) but i weighed the same, and i think im tryin to justify this by hoping that if i had weigh myself at the same time of day i wud have lost but thats just silly really. but i am realy worried now that if on thursday, i havent lost any weight i will be on a major downer because so far on this system i have loved my new attitude towards food but what if that is just because i can eat what i like rather than cardboard, what if i cant actually lose weight on it?
and then today i feel bad because i had cheese on toast for dinner, and whilst i was out i bought a donut for tonight but i got so hungry whilst i was out i ate it (very consciously etc) but i feel guilty about it now, i cant seem to shift the guilt but i guess its going to take more than a week and half for that to change!

even just writing this and reading it back makes me realise how silly it sounds, i just need to c abit of weightloss, up until weighing myself i was feeling great the best i have in a very long time!
x