Weekly Flylady Thread 5th January 2009

sexymouse

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

OLD FRIENDS:

Now this one is just too Precious

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

Mudbath

mumoffour77 wrote: »

Toots I have tried everything.....from eating loads to the body building shakes out of holland and barrets, The Dr has given me ensure and believe you me they are minging:( but I took them, it still didnt make a difference. He sent me for loads of tests but they were all clear!!! So he just said to eat healthly and the weight will eventually come on!! I reckon its to do with my younger days when I was exceptionally fit, And represented my country in the european open judo championships!! Even when I was pregnant i went straight back into shape and the midwife had commented on my muscles in my abdomnen!! I eat really well:) I promise!!

I have a friend just like you - she eats so well, much more than I eat but she's always being told she's underweight by the doctor. It drives her mad!!! Just as well I like her as much as I do or I wouldn't like her! :rotfl: xx

mumoffour77

Lmao sexymouse:)

Craftyscholar

Mudbath wrote: »

I have a friend just like you - she eats so well, much more than I eat but she's always being told she's underweight by the doctor. It drives her mad!!! Just as well I like her as much as I do or I wouldn't like her! :rotfl: xx

I used to be like that.
Sorry to tell you it doesn't last!

mumoffour77

Honestly its not for the want of trying!!
I have always been tiny, my sisters love to hate me!!

toochoosey

watching Deal or no deal, Back in a mo.....................

Beccah_3

mumoffour77 wrote: »

Toots I have tried everything.....from eating loads to the body building shakes out of holland and barrets, The Dr has given me ensure and believe you me they are minging:( but I took them, it still didnt make a difference. He sent me for loads of tests but they were all clear!!! So he just said to eat healthly and the weight will eventually come on!! I reckon its to do with my younger days when I was exceptionally fit, And represented my country in the european open judo championships!! Even when I was pregnant i went straight back into shape and the midwife had commented on my muscles in my abdomnen!! I eat really well:) I promise!!

Jealous..moi....YEP!!!!!

Reya

Almost done with the bathroom. Last thing to be cleaned will be me!

Just a word of warning to everyone. From the sound of the cars crunching by very carefully on the road outside, the partly-slushy snow is freezing over. So if any of you have to drive anywhere tonight, please take care!

Edited to add: Eek! Virus scan (still running) found a virus! :eek:

toochoosey

so glad for Mary, faith all the way

indigostar

toochoosey wrote: »

watching Deal or no deal, Back in a mo.....................

:T :j what an amazing episode!!!!!:j :T :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: