What's the most basic service you can get away with.... bit long

Lucyxx

I'm just wondering if any of you could possibly tell me what is the most basic wedding service you could get away with..... as in are you allowed to turn up with two people and just do the vows???

My reason is me and OH have been together 8 years and have 2 children and a mortgage. We would have got married before the kids but had put every penny we had into buying our first house. We would have then saved and got married, but I have a huge problem with his brother and the pair of us were at war! basically he was cheating on my best friend and his GF of 7 ish years. Plus loads of other reasons to do with him not paying for bills in the flat he shared with my OH which was in their mums name (long story) he is an absolute bad apple, rotten to the core. I spoke out against him, the only one to dare and of course I was then the black sheep of the family and there was a lot of bad feeling between his mum and me (she was very nasty about me) anyway we are over that now, I knew he would be revealed for what he was and waited patiently for the day it did which did not let me down but at the time it kind of made getting married awkward as his family would disown me for not inviting the evil brother, but then I couldn't as I'd obviously want my best buddy in the whole world with me! OH isn't bothered about him either way anymore so the decision is mine. We decided we couldn't put our life on hold just because we hadn't got married so we started our family.

Then comes the next problem of me being incredibly shy, I can't bear going to weddings as the more I go to the more nervous I get, I know I will struggle to stand at the front of somewhere and take vows and not faint!

I have a huuuuuuge family and we do big lavish weddings, one I couldn't really afford it, and two the more the people the more nervous I'd be!

I also have completely got out of the romantic phase and saying slushy stuff is not me at all anymore, not that I wouldn't mean it, but having to say it infront of people fills me with dread!!

I'd love to go do the tacky vegas thing as I think I could cope with that, but then there's the problem of being able to fly all that way, especially with 2 young kids and getting witnesses etc

I've thought of Gretna Green taking a couple of friends, but I'm from nowhere near Scotland so it wouldn't really mean that much to me.

The thing is I really want us to be married! I would quite honestly be happy to just turn up at a registry office sign a form and be done with it!!! I know that might be strange to you all planning gorgeous weddings, believe me I used to aswell but I just couldn't do it now!!

Could I book a registry office, and turn up with my two best friends and my children??? I'd then send out a letter to everyone saying "surprise! we are married!" and have an invite for a mega party. I'd love to do it as it's different to anything else anyone in my family has done, people wouldn't expect it from me & I think that's kind of why Vegas appealed really (that and the fact I could have a bit of a laugh and not be worried/shy).

Does anyone know then what the least is I can possibly do?? sorry for long/random post!!!!

whitewing

Lucy,

You just do whatever you want (you'd need two witnesses). I got married in August and it feels different to be married. Muuuuuccccchhhhh better.

I was dreading my family being there (and close family did spoil it a bit, but that was more than made up for by the fact that distant friends and relatives were really thrilled to be there - it was touching).

whitewing

BTW we got married a 2 hour drive away (while on hols) and approx 50 people still travelled to be with us. It surprised and touched us.

whitewing

I am slightly pished so can't think of everything in the same post. We had a registry office wedding, but I got a beautiful wedding dress (spent £1000 on it and trimmings and don't regret a penny). I think in retrospect I would have prefered a church, although the registry office was brilliant.

Lucyxx

Thank you, and congrats for August!

I think you saying "do whatever you want" hits the nail on the head really, I would kind of get the feeling that doing it all the traditional way would only be because that's how people think that's how it should be, despite the fact it wouldn't be what I wanted right from the start and I wouldn't enjoy the planning as I would absolutly be bricking it right from day one!!

I just have a huge problem with attention being on me, have done since I hit secondary school many years ago!! and there is no getting away from that on your wedding day!! I think I could cope with it if I had got married (just us and 2 friends in a quick ceremony) one day and then had the party the week after or something (if not the day of the wedding) lol!!!

I think I see it as being something we should have done years ago, and would have done had it not been for the stumbling blocks mentioned above, as we have everything else we could ever want, and I think this would just kind of make it feel all complete. It's something we have thought about for years aswell, so I think with it being the start of a New Year I have got my thinking head on!

whitewing

I'm quite shy but once I walked into the room I can only remember my husband and nothing else. It was brilliant. DS did a reading.

Being married is better than the wedding though. I love being married.

Lucyxx

whitewing wrote: »

BTW we got married a 2 hour drive away (while on hols) and approx 50 people still travelled to be with us. It surprised and touched us.

The thought of 50 people fills me with dread still!!! We wrote up our guest list of people we would have to invite and there was a couple of hundred, I'm not kidding!! that is presuming everyone would turn up which is unlikely of course.

There is a country estate near us that my OH has done some work at and he said it is stunning, and totally what he imagines as the perfect venue, I don't know if they would just do an evening party though and it's likely to cost a fortune but I wouldn't mind if I wasn't paying out on all the other bits and bobs iyswim.

wendy_ann1983

my mate got married in a reg office with her, hubby to be, one of his mates, one of her mates and that was it, then just had a party.

have you already had an engagement party? if not could you organise a simple reg office wedding then invite everyone to an 'engagement' party but then you walk in and say Surprise we got married!!!

whitewing

Lucy, seriously, don't worry. People really, really love going to weddings. Don't go into debt over it, but I don't regret a single penny of the money we spent. Go for the stunning venue. We did the best we could at the time and it was great.

Lucyxx

wendy_ann1983 wrote: »

my mate got married in a reg office with her, hubby to be, one of his mates, one of her mates and that was it, then just had a party.

have you already had an engagement party? if not could you organise a simple reg office wedding then invite everyone to an 'engagement' party but then you walk in and say Surprise we got married!!!

That is the only way I think I could get round it, except it would be me, OH, my 2 friends I've known for yonks (inc the one that was treated badly by OH's evil brother) and our 2 children. Me and the 2 friends were always known as "The 3 Musketeers" at school and OH has known them for ages, so he's fine with that. There isn't really anyone from his side who he would probably want to choose, guess it would have been his brother, but hey ho, that ain't gonna happen in our situation!!

We havn't had an engagement party as we arn't even engaged as we are both of the thinking of get engaged, plan straight away then get married soon after (within reason of booking venues etc!). I don't think anyone in either family has had one actually come to think of it. I think my family would smell a rat

I'm not even bothered about Hen nights etc, just want to get the papers signed!!

Thanks for all replies so far :T

whitewing

We just had wedding rings (no engagement), no photographer or cars, but nice venue for reception. It was the joy of the people who made the difference for us. There were a couple of people I didn't invite on purpose who should have been invited, but it was their own fault.