limbo of early separation and joint finances

Sassamac

Hi guys, I would like some advice please as this is all very new to me.

My DH (or not so D any more I guess) decided 6 weeks ago he is leaving me. He stayed in the marital home for a further two weeks at which point we agreed he would leave. His stuff is still here while he is lodging in a mates spare room, he has just the spent the odd night here since (spare room or sofa) when seeing the kids. He is in the process of setting up home with his new g/f so hopefully he should be in a new house sometime in Jan, but until then we are in financial limbo.

As we have two young kids (the youngest being at home full-time) I do not work and apart from tax credits and child benefit, his salary was our sole income. Without going into all our financial details just here, the jist is he has just rinsed the joint acc to pay the rent deposit for his new place, meaning all the DD's that are due out on 1st every month (plus more throughout the month) will bounce.

I'm really annoyed as I feel like while his stuff is here he still has a financial responsibility towards this house, and as such I am sorely tempted to tell him him he has 24 hrs to sort it before I chuck his stuff in the garden (he is a 4 hr journey away). I obviously don't want to do anything rash as we're trying to keep everything amicable (we're hoping to sort maintenance without CSA etc.) but this feels like the final straw in him taking the p!55 (he's failed to turn up to see the kids etc. because he has been with his g/f).

He said he'd see we're alright financially until I get on my feet with IS etc. and I don't feel he is honouring that. We both set up separate accounts and I have just got my IS and TC's paid into my own acc so I can afford to cover the DD's (although I'll have to transfer my money into our acc to do which is risky) but have no idea how much money will be left by the end of the month.
So basically do I have a right to his money while his stuff is here or do I accept that its mostly his salary (only CB is in my name) that went into the joint acc and Im lumbered.

RedBern

He has a responsibility to keep a roof over the heads of his children at the very least! Remind him about the DD that are due and ask him to make sure there's enough to cover them - otherwise you're going to accrue bank charges and money will be draining from that account faster than you/he can replace it. Or ask him to transfer some money over to you so you can sort it out - but try not to use the money you've got just yet - you may need it in the weeks to come.

I'm sure someone will be along shortly to give you more 'official' info. Keep your chin up and rise above it - you're better than him so don't threaten to throw his stuff out .... just yet!

Krystaltips

If you're having your IS and tax credits paid into a seperate account then I would try to make the break financially now... The quicker you can get yourself on your feet and not have to rely on him the better really. I would cancel all DD's due out of the joint account to avoid fees and contact all the companies to set new ones up from your own account rather than pay money into the joint one... As you say it's risky, he might have a look, see there's money available and withdraw it without thinking of you or the bills...

The good thing about being on IS is it is paid weekly so you don't have to wait too long before a payment is due on those terrible days when you find yourself absolutely skint.

Also, head over to the CSA website and pop his income details in, it will give you an idea of what he should be paying maintainence wise, although being on benefits you're only allowed to keep £20 a week, anything over that you have to declare and it will be knocked off your IS.

Caz3121

Is your current home rented or mortgaged.
Have you told tax credits he has moved out.

Sassamac

thanks for the quick replies.

Caz - the house is mortgaged although we only pay the interest due to how tight our finances already are.
I have told TC's and the new single claim is sorted, I even got the back payments to when he left, but will probably have to pay back the last joint payment that went into the joint acc as it was too late to stop it. I haven't told CB yet, but obviously the amount doesnt change, just the bank details.

Krystal, my first thought was to cancel all DD's but I figured there isn't enough time as the next working day is the day several are due out. Its tricky as the money has only just disappeared I have had no time to put in an action plan.
I have done the maintenance calculator and even used the figure at the jobcentre appointment in their 'better off' calculations, so I would get minimal IS and be £20 per week better off.

Bern unfortunately he doesn't have any money in his separate acc as his last salary went into the joint acc 2 weeks ago and is gone already. He just has a credit card with a hefty limit.

whitewing

I would still try and cancel all the DD's today. Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Krystaltips

Do you bank online or over the phone? You should still be able to cancel direct debits today before they are due out. Either that or get onto him and get him to transfer some of his 'hefty' credit card money into the joint account to cover the bills... Eventually though you will be liable to pay them all yourself so it is better to be sorted sooner rather than later.

Also, with IS if the mortgage is in your name you should be able to get help towards the interest payments after a qualifying period (used to be 40 weeks but I think it might of reduced or be reduced soon) If it's in joint names then he should still be responsible for half the payments.

Caz3121

does he intend to keep paying all or part of the mortgage?

I actually left my ex and moved into rented (no young children) and although he remained there he payed nothing so I had to pay my rent and the mortgage and this was not sustainable (was paying out £500 per month more than I brought in) mortgage company were no help they just quoted that we were jointly liable and if he didn't pay they would chase me. Took 2 years and a lot of debt to eventually get it sorted.

It is very early days for you but I wish I had not let things drag on for so long...what if he moves out his friends spare room and into a rented place will be still be able to afford his rent + mortgage + cm etc

Sassamac

Hmm right. I have just looked up all the DD's on online banking and it seems they are all cancelable online (assuming it takes immediate effect). On closer inspection all bar one of the DD's due out on 1st (or rather the 2nd this month) is actually mortgage insurances / payment protection etc. related to his income. I was planning to cancel them as they are barely relevant to me, but have an appopintment with a specialist housing advisor in a couple of weeks and wanted to run the idea past them before cancelling them. So as the other payments (about £70 worth) are all related to him I dont feel I should be paying them at all. There is just about enough in the joint acc to cover the remaining DD (house and contents insurance which obviously has to be paid). Its so tempting to cancel the others permanently but I dont want to screw myself over before reading all the accompanying paperwork. Hmmm dont know what to do - its not a monumental amount of money but could make a hell of a difference to me at the end of the month.

Krystal the house and mortgage are in joint names, although it was based on a single income. I know the IS qualifying period is 39 weeks (soon to be 13 either this tax year or next) but I thought I was liable for the whole lot and thaty IS would pay the whole share (Interest Only) once the qual period has passed.

How do I stand with maintenace payments if he were to pay half the mortgage? (or even the whole mortgage as suggested at the CAB but I think thats a little harsh). Coincedently half the monthly mortgage is roughly equal to a months maintenance.

Sassamac

ooh missed you there Caz.
I have quizzed him about his finances in terms of him affording his new place (basically his new house is in a very nice area and newly modernised etc.) but he hasn't got a clue and I don't know what his g/f earns (although she's going to have to find herself a new job anyway). He knows how much the maintenance payments would be and is happy to pay that, but has no financial awareness whatsoever to know how much of his budget that is!

Im really worried about the mortgage arrears that will accrue in the 9 months before IS mortgage payments kick in, and how will I ver be able to repay them. But we havent discussed whether he will pay towards the mortgage or not - I dont really know what is the done thing.
He has suggested signing the house over to me as I put up the entire deposit (36% of the house, so I have a lot to lose). Obviously if he does then I will be solely liable for the mortgage payments and arrears and wouldn't expect him to contribute. Whether the mortgage company will allow that is another matter as I gather they like to have two people to chase.

Pssst

Its all very well being amicalbe but what your really need and what i think you really MEAN is that you need to be business like and assertive. Amicable implies some kind of emotion. The chances of much positive emotion are somewhat limited.

He may well like to sort out finances with promises of how he will see you right but to an extent,i think he is flying his kite. This is the same guy who has just cleared out the bank account and left you with diddly squat !

He is obviously scared of his obligations.

He is responsible for keeping a roof over his childrens head AND maintaining them.

Its not my job as joe taxpayer to do it. His kids, his ex,his house,his bills.

Dont let him BS you saying he'll pay you this that or the other. Take proper advice.

If you dont,you'll regret it in the end as he wanders off with his new womand and leave you alone with all the bills.